decreased sex drive?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by N D S, May 18, 2008.

  1. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    Gf has no sex drive now :hs:. We've been going out for a lil over a year but haven't seen each other in awhile because of school (different colleges). The last couple times I saw her I only get it when she's drunk/drinks. She told me some garbage (imo) about how after a year girls turn off of sex or something ("according to cosmo") and that all but one of her friends were like this too after a year. Any input would be greatly appreciated
     
  2. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    taking cosmo seriously = HUGE red flag
     
  3. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Women do not lose their sex drive after 1 year, thats absurd. Either she is under some pressure you dont know about, or she is not into you any longer.
     
  4. alo816

    alo816 New Member

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    Or she is cheating on you, same thing happened with my ex-gf. As soon as she started cheating on me she started making excuses as to how she was never in the mood and she doesn't feel like it and blah blah blah when for the first year or so she was ALWAYS in the mood. Then I found out she was getting it from somewhere else.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: @ the Cosmo bullshit.

    Sounds like a case of you ned to spice things up. Have spontaneous sex, try new things, etc.

    It's either that or she's not happy in the relationship or hiding something, simple as that.
     
  6. fray

    fray New Member

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    sounds like she's looking for an excuse for her lack of sex drive with you. relationship is in a downslide. Figure out why or figure it over.
     
  7. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    has she started on any new medications? birth control? antidepressants? is she facing depression or anxiety in her life?

    Are you trying new things to be spontaneous and continue to make her want to have sex with you? or are you rolling over, touching her on the shoulder, kissing her on the mouth, and she's supposed to be turned on?
     
  8. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    hahah of course i know its garbage so i gotta figure out what happened. I dont think she's cheating on me as (even though i always worry about this kind of thing because of OT) but its probably more that she's less into me or not at all. All she does is want to cuddle and thats it. Suggestions of what I should do? talk it out abandon ship? Thanks for all your helpful advice by the way :)
     
  9. quamen

    quamen New Member

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    she is using an excuse, beware
     
  10. aim2kill

    aim2kill New Member

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    im blunt, id get right to the point and ask what the hell is going on. if shes cheating on you or something like that, you'll corner her, and force her to either admit/or lie, both bad.
    if its due to something else, she will be more willing to open up when you confront her and let her know you are interested in helping her through it/ looking out for her :dunno:
     
  11. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    That is such BS, I have friends who have been dating for 2-3 years and they all have sex regularly.

    Something has changed, you need to figure out what it is or just leave her. Part of any "romantic" relationship is sex. Without good sex, even if the relationship is perfect otherwise, it is doomed to fail.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Talk to her. If your communication skills are weak and you still get nothing out of her other than "I'm just not in the mood" or that bullshit "well Cosmo says..." Tell her it's total horseshit-normal, happy couples want to have sex long after a year. The only reason couples seem to slow down on sex is because the sex is always the same.

    Other than that you need to start getting some more romance into the relationship. I don't know how touchy you are with her but make sure to hold her (not just in sexual circumstances). Hold her hand when you are sitting with her, put your arm around her, give her kisses out of nowhere, etc. You don't have to, but almost always randomly buying her a bouquet of her favorite flowers will immediatly perk her up. When she asks what they are for you just say thye are because you love her. See how she reacts. Then, you need to spark up the sex life. Make sure there is lots of foreplay so that she is satisfied and then just try some new things. Whether it's positions or the time of day; just be spontaneous!

    LDR's are hard enough if you are insecure, but there's no reason that she should just deny you sex when you two barely get to see each other. That's the only thing that worries me; that she is hiding something. But before you freak out try and do whatever you can to change things around. If say after 2 months she hasn't changed a bit than I'm sorry, I think it's perfectly good grounds to dump over.
     
  13. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    have you two gotten too comfortable in the relationship where neither of you try to be sexy or attractive anymore? do you have "date nights" where you guys dress nice and flirt and have fun before you go home to have sex? try that
     
  14. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    I guess i'm decently touchy with her. We hold hands all the time when we're walking and cuddle up during movies. It just seemed like she really just wanted to hug/cuddle. Under normal circumstances i'd think it's okay since she was tired 2-3 hours of sleep and whatnot, but we haven't seen each other since spring break and i had to fight for a kiss. I've only seen her this one day so far, so it's hard to judge. She seemed very warm and receptive in every aspect other than sexually.

    We're supposed to start it soon she suggested it awhile back. any tips?/ideas?

    Perhaps moving back in with her parents is a stressor? last year she lived on her own and next year she's commuting to college/living with her parents. Nevertheless, what are some ideas for spicing up the sex life?

    Yeah i'm going to call her up tonight and hopefully find out whats up.

    Yeah i'll give it a shot, but haven't had much success in the past. :hs: doubt she's cheating though.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm going to quote myself again

    Talk to her. If your communication skills are weak and you still get nothing out of her other than "I'm just not in the mood" or that bullshit "well Cosmo says..." Tell her it's total horseshit-normal, happy couples want to have sex long after a year. The only reason couples seem to slow down on sex is because the sex is always the same.

    Other than that you need to start getting some more romance into the relationship. I don't know how touchy you are with her but make sure to hold her (not just in sexual circumstances). Hold her hand when you are sitting with her, put your arm around her, give her kisses out of nowhere, etc. You don't have to, but almost always randomly buying her a bouquet of her favorite flowers will immediately perk her up. When she asks what they are for you just say they are because you love her. See how she reacts. Then, you need to spark up the sex life. Make sure there is lots of foreplay so that she is satisfied and then just try some new things. Whether it's positions or the time of day; just be spontaneous!

    LDR's are hard enough if you are insecure, but there's no reason that she should just deny you sex when you two barely get to see each other. That's the only thing that worries me; that she is hiding something. But before you freak out try and do whatever you can to change things around. If say after 2 months she hasn't changed a bit than I'm sorry, I think it's perfectly good grounds to dump over.
     
  16. Hunt

    Hunt Active Member

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    haha cosmo doesn't usually say things like that, but they do have a ton of tips about new positions, toys, etc. So if she's really into cosmo, maybe read it together and give some of their suggestions a shot? it sounds to me like she's bored with your sex life but too shy to bring it up. good luck!
     
  17. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    hahah it's been awhile since i've got to that part, but i'll give it a shot if i get there anytime soon. But i do everything and more that you listed, I'm rather warm and affectionate with random kisses/pecks and holding her a lot It's just that recently we haven't had that much time together I guess. As for the random flowers, she showed up a little bit early and foiled me that day. next time though :) Maybe there's a point i'm completely missing from your re-quote though :o
     
  18. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    most likely she wants to fuck

    what you have to do is figure out why she doesn't want to fuck YOU
     
  19. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    i guess the title was a misnomer but i dont know i thought thats what the majority of this thread was trying to figure out :hsugh:
     
  20. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    what do you mean "start soon", this should have started the second you two realized this was an issue.

    its easy to get too comfortable with each other and forget about looking nice for them or making an effort not to let yourself go (farting burping, etc not such a big turn on)

    start it right now. in the beginning, when you wanted to get her to sleep with you, what did you do (and im not talking about spending money on her)? try doing that, and have her do the same.
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Are you saying that you never have foreplay? If that's the case no wonder she's not happy about having sex! You're most likely those guys who are new to sex that just jump right into the penetration. Well women aren't like men, we work differently. We want to be turned on before you just try sticking a dick in us.
     
  22. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    hahah no... i didn't address it because i didn't see an issue with it. I usually work her whole body and tease her a good deal :rofl: god if i never had foreplay...
     
  23. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    do NOT get her flowers
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :mamoru: My bf brought me home flowers today. He's totally getting laid tonight.
     
  25. N D S

    N D S you're like salsa, thick and chunky

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    Called her up. actually my girl doesn't like me anymore so she's not mine. :mamoru: And yes she will be slutting it up at her sorority conference :o. Didn't break up with her yet, but we'll do it sometime in person when we meet up. thanks :wavey:
     

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