SRS Decision Of The Heart

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PuppyCat, Jun 21, 2006.

  1. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    So many questions...

    When does one know it time to cut their losses?
    When do memories stop playing in one's head?

    How does one explain to an obdurate person that love isn't just a game? How long should a person keep banging their head against the wall, knowing full well that the end one is trying to achieve just is NOT going to happen?

    Someone told me today that they are carrying a "house of cards" on their back. What if I knocked it down? What would happen then? Would it be worth it in the end?

    Can two people who have bad history and a lot of hurt between them wipe the slate clean and start again with a foundation of friendship, knowing that regardless how one tries, there will always be some sort of torment, suspicion as well as memories of what once was and isn't anymore?

    Is it time to pack up and leave? Just go...one can change spatially, but one cannot run from their memories and what is engraved in their heart and soul.

    The offer (from my point of view) comes down to this "I'll offer friendship because you know more about a particular thing and I could use that to MY advantage."

    There would be no feeling of friendship, I would just be used for what I know.

    Where is the dignity in being used?

    It would be like going home alone before prom night was over and throwing one's prom dress that took so very long to make and was a labour of love into the blazing fireplace. Then casting oneself on the bed and bawling their head off with hurt and disappointment because the one you love arrived at the prom with another date-- he knew you cared for him, did not care that he is he hurting you, causing your heart to collapse like a house of cards, but he did dance with you...once.

    Are the crumbs of attention that this person tosses worth it?

    Then there is the truths that would always fall under suspicion. One would grow extremely weary of always proving the truths with fact. Supplying evidence, documentation, videos, sound recordings, affidavits, and God knows what else.

    Would my suggestions of raise it an octave, lower it an octave, try it in the key of C, no, try it in G or try it with a bit more more rubato...be received with understanding or be seen as negative criticism?

    It took just 300 seconds to fall in love...I wonder how long it takes to fall out of love...

    Dealing with someone who is clinically paranoid, but excruitatingly brilliant and creative is difficult and a task...How much energy would it sap from me?

    A decision of the heart is never easy...I feel that trying to catch the wind would be just so much easier.

    Eres tu.:hs:






     
  2. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Of course I don't really know what all of this is about, but just from what I gather from your post, I am going to say the answer to that question is NO.
    :hug:
     
  3. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Seriously, can someone translate?
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    She willfully believes this because she still has feelings for HIM.

    He...is not good for her. In fact, quite bad.

    She sorta knows that, sorta acknowledges it when pointed out, sorta admits it when the evidence is presented in black and white.....but...stilll....if only...but maybe...could it be....that was then.......

    So she tries over and over and over again to find any angle, any possibility, any shred of evidence that it could be otherwise.



    Loving someone who doesn't love you back; that's common.

    Loving someone who doesn't love you back, and furthermore is deceitful, deliberately hurtful, mentally unstable, unfaithful, combative and maliciously deceptive... well... need I go on?

    Consider what it is you love. The person? Or the idealized mirage of something that doesn't really exist?
    A collection of fleeting moments, extracted over the course of months, that summed together, yield only a few minutes worth of pleasant musing, but never occurs in reality?

    One last note. Trauma survivors are notoriously attracted to (bad) people who enable them to relive the trauma. Hence the enormous attraction to R. I have no doubt of the immense grip it has on you.
    Talk to Dr H about that. He can elaborate further.
     
  5. PC

    PC Active Member

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    Time can heal a lot of stuff. I've been there. I never once thought I'd be friends or part of a certain girls life again but time changed that. My feelings changed and so did hers.
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    This is my belief. I think this is happening here.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    That's about the size of it.
     
  8. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    There isn't any, and no. Break the cycle of abuse and live life for you. You must learn to love yourself for who you are and not look for self-worth in other people.
     
  9. kackel champion

    kackel champion faces always are changing lies and disguise for th

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    just launched a girl that i've known for 8 years because i finally realized that i had been used. it took her denying her existence to a boyfriend who was going to launch her for talking to another guy.

    she's beat...i'm gone...and when she calls back to say she's sorry...
    the nextel subscriber you are trying to reach is not accepting incoming calls from this number.

    whoops...lol

    if i'm bored enough, i'll just start talking to her best friend. in fact, ot you have just made me have an epiphany. when i go on a smoke break later, i'm calling her best friend.

    cliffs: if i realize you're using me, you're beat. fuck with me and you get the horns.
     
  10. accelerator

    accelerator New Member

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    What if you loved someone a lot, but they never (or couldn't) reciprocated your love. You were friends, but with time and due to your frustrations, you became very demanding (and did some very stupid things) and lost the individual as a friend as well.

    You keep hoping that things will go back to normal, that you can be friends once again, but it has been 1 year, and the other person is simply unwilling to have any contact with you whatsoever.

    You've made several attempts over the course of this 1 year to mend things, but all in vain, and now the other person has become irritated with you constantly coming back.

    The worst part is knowing that it is entirely YOUR fault that things ended up this way, because YOU behaved stupidly and did stupid things. The one you love is considered by you and everyone else to be one of the kindest and good-hearted individuals on the planet. One must have been a real idiot to have pissed such a person off.

    1. Is it time to let go? I think I know the answer to this question..but perhaps I want someone else to tell me.

    2. Isn't it extremely difficult to let go if you have no one else to blame but yourself?
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sooner or later you'll have to realize that the sooner you let go and get on with your life, the sooner you'll be free of this burden.

    Hanging on to the illusory past keeps you in its mental chains.



    Also you believe that your missteps caused this person to not like you, or to have angered this person and thus turned them against you.

    This is pretty much never the case. What is more common is that one person harbours an affection which is not shared by the other person.

    The first person then goes way overboard in expressing it, or even in hiding it, is still very persistent and becomes an annoying pest, even if through "loving" means, such as being very doting but cloyingly attentive and worshipful.




    You seek to renew contact over and over to "mend things" as you put it, but your true ulterior motive is actually to constantly probe for any sign that she might change her mind and suddenly develop a liking for you.

    Admit it. You know this to be true. And she knows it too. That's why she's become annoyed with you.

    So learn your lesson already. Stop pestering this person. Stop painting this obsessive behaviour as "love". It isn't. It isn't mutual, and it isn't love.
    It's obsession.

    Time to let her go, and to reclaim your life.
     

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