Dealing with your ex

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Feb 25, 2009.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I've somehow found a way to stay friends with every ex boyfriend I've ever had until this most recent one. Granted, this was my longest relationship (over a year) and the only one where the words "I love you" were used... it's also the one I care most about staying on good terms with after our breakup. We just have too much overlap in our lives now. My roommate is one of his best friends, pretty much all of our friends are mutual, and just because things didn't work out between us doesn't mean I don't still care about him on some level (he's making this harder though lol).

    Basically things have been going alright since the breakup we've just been avoiding each other for the most part. Every once in a while I may see him up on campus or at a friends house for just a minute and we're nice but we don't talk much.

    About a week ago or so he started texting me asking me for details on what's going on in my life. He wants to know am I seeing anyone, who is it, where was I friday night, etc. To which I eventually responded that we shouldn't talk about those things because they're irrelivent. He told me that since he's been trying to get into med school all his time is taken up by class or studying and that he can't find time for dates, and that he has asked out three girls but they all said no. I said "I'm sorry, I don't know why you're telling me all this."

    Then he got mean... texting me how he thought that I was such a fake and a liar and not the girl he knew when he first met me and told me he wished he'd never fallin in love with me. All these things hurt my feelings because he's one of the only people who really knows me that well and I do care what he thinks of me.

    I asked him how I had lied to him and he said because I told him I loved him and that I didn't want to get close to anyone before I left for basic training and now that I'm seeing other people I guess it makes me a "liar". Then he gets into saying how he hopes I know that any guy that would take me out knowing that I'll be gone in a couple of months is just "looking for some ass" and that he "hopes I know that I'm being used".

    I texted him back and said "I really don't need any of this from you, I thought we could try to stay friends but it's obvious that it's not going to work. Please don't text me anymore." to which he finally responded (like 2 hours later) "I'm sorry I want to be friends but I'm still sad and wish we were back together. Maybe when I find someone else to love we can be friends."


    I'm just confused about how to handle this. I don't want to hate the guy and I don't want him hating me. That's all I want. We don't have to be bestfriends and talk about personal shit I just want to be able to see him on campus and not walk away to have him call me a slut or bitch behind my back... I have really refrained from any negative talk about him since we've broken up. I know that I did some bad things in our relationship but we both did and I just want to fucking move on... How do I get through to him?


    Cliffs: My ex keeps going bipolar between wanting to be friends and hating my guts...
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Stop texting. It's that simple.
     
  3. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    He just needs time to figure shit out.
    How long has it been since you two broke up?
     
  4. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    ~2 months
     
  5. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    ...and I'll be honest, I was really torn up about the breakup for a while too. maybe even more than him... but I knew it was for the best and eventually I started not to care so much and now I'm so much happier! maybe it'll just take some time for him to get to that point to?
     
  6. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

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    You don't. He'll react to anything you do, so you do nothing. Nothing will either set it straight or be the deal breaker. Either way its what you need.
     
  7. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    well, then again you've found someone new. Maybe he hasn't and thus being on and off about your relationship.
     
  8. Got that kush

    Got that kush New Member

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    im kinda of going through the same thing right now, only i am on the opposite side of you, i am the ex still a little caught up.

    I was with her for the longest amount of time for the both of us, 2 years. i felt VERY storngly for her, i had some of the best times with her, and i still do miss her. We both agreed that a friendship is one of the things we want regardless of what happens between us, and i do really want one. But right now i am getting nasty to her because she thinks its ok to have feelings for a kid who was OUR best friend. The relationship started to get rusty right before I left to go away to school, and the rustier the relationship got the further away the person i though was my best friend got from me, and after we broke up he just stopped talking to me.

    I find it hard to desire a friendship with either of them right now because they are both doing a dirty thing. Even though she is my ex, and we did break up for a reason she is still charting in waters that are off limits, it almost shows me that she dosent even give a crap about how i feel. And he knows he is wrong, but he refuses to talk to me. He texted me and that got out of hand, but i just want a phone call.

    I am not caught up, i met this new chick at school, but i just need friendships...

    anyway, i almost want her to stop contacting me, i dont contact her because i know it only causes problems with my emotions
     
  9. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I used to stay friends with all my exs. I guess you could say I'm still "friendly" with most of them. At this point it is never more than a random email every 6 months to say 'hope all is well'. Personally, I find that maintaining relationships with exs causes more drama than it is worth. I know others feel differently, but that is my take on it.
     
  10. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    its probably still too soon for him. hes hurt, and therefore just wants to try and hurt you too. i wouldnt take anything he says to you too seriously since he is just trying to get you to the same sad place that he is currently in.

    its a nice thought to stay friends with ex's, but it doesnt always work. i was friends with all my ex's until the very last one. i wish him the best, but i think it would be pointless and painful to ever speak again. sometimes if you truly loved someone, its too hard to see them move on in their life, no matter how happy you want them to be. not everyone can handle it.

    just try to still be civil when you see him, and try not to worry too much about his mean words. hes just hurting and doesnt know what else to do. not that it makes it ok to be rude, but dont let him drag you down with him
     
  11. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    shit in a bag, put it on his door step, light it on fire, ring the doorbell and run. :hsugh:















    honestly no clue. :dunno: all but one of my exes got the message real quick that I didn't want to see/talk to them.
     
  12. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    I think its fucked up that hes the first guy you fell in love with and been together over a year and it takes you a measily 2 months to get over him and start seeing a new guys. Let alone, you said that you two broke up I guess because you're planning on going to Basic Training again and thus these other guys who may know this will just plan to use you for sex so then again why are you even dating new guys if you know you're leaving for basic training and then why did you and him break up if you were going to wind up dating new people anyways? obviously, its not because of the basic training, something else happened between you and him. And I guess I could relate with him calling you a liar about the love for each other. I mean, look, you're out dating new people, and that shows him that you're Officially over him, or looking to rebound, and in that sense would make him feel like your love for him was a betrayal because you were able to move on in a short 2 months, thats heart breaking for someone that loved you. Think about that....
     
  13. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Dont take it personal :hsugh:
     
  14. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Wow. Yep, I'll agree with D7 on this one.



    Sorry this is still so crappy for you, Rad :hs:
     
  15. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    uh... i didn't say we broke up bc of basic training. i guess i should have clarified but i've explained to the vag many times before that we were not happy and that i was miserable with our relationship. we broke up "mutually" because he said he just didn't see us together "long term" and I sure as hell didn't want to stick around for more short term bullshit that I had been going through for a year.
     
  16. giz

    giz Active Member

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    If he is being purposely hurtful to you, I think it's best for you to cut out all contact.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Exactly. This wouldn't be happening if you weren't responding to his texts in the first place.....SO QUIT TALKING TO HIM and you will quit caring.
     
  18. Leah

    Leah OT Supporter

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    There's nothing you can do if that's how he feels about the situation. Sounds like he's just lonely and likes the idea of being in a relationship, since he's been trying so hard to get another girlfriend since the 2 of you split. I would just stop talking to him for awhile.
     
  19. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Cut communication.

    /thread.
     
  20. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    thanks for all the words of wisdom obviously i'm going to just cut ties at this point.
     
  21. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    It is the best thing you can do.
     
  22. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    I'm at the same point with me and my most recent ex. I ended things in late September, and I've been doing great... no desire to re-visit our relationship, or even be friends for that matter... I have enough friends. But I see her periodically at shows and etc, then today she texts me "I still love you."

    :ugh::rofl:

    Haven't said anything back, don't plan to. WTF would I say to that anyways :rofl:

    I just wish she would move on... I know she'd be happier :hs:
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Oh god...please don't respond
     
  24. evh

    evh Active Member

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    this same exact thing happened to me with my ex. she started dating a new guy 2-2.5 months later. i'm sure you've all seen my 11 page thread.

    to the TS, read through my 11 pg thread... maybe some things will make sense to you in there, maybe some things that happened to me happened to you, etc. oh, and make sure you take note of the outcome.
     
  25. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    It always seems like women move on faster then men when getting into a "committed" relationship. Honestly who cares what your SO does after you break up, anger is such a wasted emotion. Not caring and living a better life is the best thing you can do.
     

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