I'm in college. I've been working on some personal goals recently and there has been some progress. Overall, my mood as ever has fluctuated pretty drastically, but usually I just put my feelings on the side and do whatever I need to. Yesterday a number of things happened that combined in a bad way. I woke up this morning with this sickening angry feeling in me. I look at my peers and I get this anger - people whose names I do not even know, and I get defensive and extraordinarily angry just looking around at them. It began in the dining hall. I was hanging out with my sister. One of her friends, Alice, was attracted to me last weekend, which puts all this pressure on me to maintain whatever attraction she had. In the dining hall, Jane, a girl I had previously hit on (in a nice way) walked nearby and teased me about something. I got a bolt of social anxiety, looked back at her, and then literally just walked around the corner without saying a word. "You seemed flustered," she said later. Now I redeemed myself later on - we have a date for this weekend - but for the rest of the meal, I was beating myself up for my ridiculous reaction. What's more, I was eating at a table with my sister's friend, Alice, the one who was attracted to me last weekend. Having just come out of that horrible interaction with Jane, I was not enjoying the pressure I felt to maintain my desirability in Alice's eyes. Then this guy nobody knew sat down at the table with us. "Is someone else sitting here?" he asked. "Lora, my sister," I said. "Your annoying sister?" he misheard (or pretended to mishear). "Yeah," I just said, not wasting the energy on correcting him. "She's your sister?" he said. "Yeah." "But you don't treat her nicely?" "No," Alice explained. "Her name is Lora. He didn't say she was 'annoying.'" "Oh," he said. "Good! I thought I was going to have to kick your ass. You can't go disrespecting your sister!" <-- I just said nothing and kept eating my cereal. I came back to the dorm's common space with a female friend of mine, and a different guy sat down. This guy was a year younger than me. He was making a smoothie. We began talking about working out and related topics. He blathered on about the glory of sports and competitive activity. He asked me what I did to work out. I told him about Christopher's base-building routine (see the fitness forum). He told me that was crap. I said, "It worked for me ... I was benching 245 when I weighed 155." The guy jumped up. (I have a small frame right now.) "There's NO WAY you were benching 245," he said. My female friend admitted that she herself had seem me doing it at the gym. "You have NO FRAME," he said, really skeptically. "Let's have an ARM WRESTLE. There's NO WAY you could bench that much." What he was saying didn't bother me so much. What BOTHERED me was my meek reaction. I just sort of squirmed uncomfortably, feeling dominated. Other things like this happened today as well. Where I leave a situation without having dealt correctly with it, especially really unpleasant situations where I lose face, I get this left over rage that stays with me until I go BACK into the same situation and handle it differently. But there were so many of these situations yesterday and today that it's like it's just built up and now I feel it in ALL situations. Those FUCKING fuckers. Working out doesn't help ... it doesn't reduce the aggression, if anything it increases it because of the testosterone boost.