Dealing with the ex from far away

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Feb 28, 2010.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Last night I was here in Atlanta minding my own business when I got a text from my boyfriend saying that my ex was at some small concert he was at "drinking alone in the corner and eyein me".

    Until now I've been on pretty good terms with my ex. Technically, he broke up with me during basic training and since the break up I've talked to him a handful of times about Army stuff. He even asked if he could send me his resume' a couple of weeks ago so that I could look over it and give him input. So basically, we aren't friends but we broke up on good enough terms.

    So after getting the text from my ex I decided (stupidly) to try and diffuse the situation by texting my ex "Hey, are you at a concert in Valdosta? Just be cool please."

    Well the next thing I know my boyfriend calls me from outside the venue freaking out asking why I said anything to my ex because my ex immediately went over to him asking "why's your girlfriend texting me about you?" My boyfriend said he just said "I don't know who you are." So my ex pulls out his phone and showed him the message I sent. My boyfriend still just acted like he didn't know who the guy was. So my ex was like "we're cool right man?" and started telling him that he loves him :rofl: :wtf: (drunk??) and the whole thing was really awkward.

    My boyfriend said although the ex was SAYING things like "we're cool" he had a very harsh tone and was being really intrusive into my boyfriend's space. My boyfriend was with like 8 of our friends and my ex was appearently alone. The bf said he thinks that's the only reason he didn't start some kind of fight right there in the bar.

    A few minutes later the bf texted me saying that my ex had left.

    I checked my facebook this morning and got a rather drunken/weird message on there:
    "I'm not sure what what kind of fuck/fuck games you a *bfs name* are playing but I don't fucking like it! Leave me the FUCK out of it. I will not be nice next time!!!!"


    My ex and I aren't friends on facebook and in fact I didn't even know he had one until I got this message. I have all my shit set to private so I'm actually thinking he might not have known that my bf and I were back together until I sent him that text last night, which may be why he got so upset, :dunno". Either way I feel like he acted like a tool and he had no right to cause a scene.



    My boyfriend was upset about the situation but says he understands that I have nothing to do with my ex's crazy actions. I'm a little embarrassed that it happened in front of all our friends. Obviously I know sending him a text about it was the wrong way to go about trying to make sure nothing went wrong. Now I just don't know what to do from here. My boyfriend is afraid of seeing my ex around town now because he's not sure what he'll do. That message also doesn't sit well with me. I don't want to make the wrong move again and make things worse, but I sort of want to call the ex and make him explain why he's so angry and try to make him promise to just be civil. I'm also pretty sure my ex has a drinking problem, which was an issue when we were dating. So I don't know if he would have acted this way sober...

    Ugh, I just don't know... I've never had to deal with this before. Especially from 4 hours away!

    Any advice on where to go from here? Ignore him/the message? Call and confront him?
     
  2. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    what ? this the same ex you went to the rodeo with and had a 3 page thread about ?

    or is this even more drama
     
  3. Aquakittie

    Aquakittie Active Member

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    whoa! holy fucked up scene batman! I don't think I'd contact him any further...although that was weird...Im just not sure....but my gut instinct tells me that contacting him more is just asking for more drama.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I think you created the drama all by yourself. You were way out of line sending that text to your ex.
     
  5. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    The one I went to the rodeo with is my current bf.

    The ex is someone I dated while my bf and I were broken up. We broke up well over 6 months ago.



    I understand that now and I take full responsibility of it. I obviously made a mistake and an error in judgement while trying to just level the situation before anything happened. My intentions were pure but my methods were off. Which is why I'm here... to get advice for the next step so that I don't make matters worse.

    I asked my boyfriend what he thinks I should do and he says he has no idea but that he doesn't really want to run into the guy around town again, especially if he's alone.



    edit: also Viper, while I may have been out of line sending him a text asking him to just be cool... Every man/woman is supposed to be held accountable for their own actions. It isn't as if I forced him to start shit, I wasn't even in the same city! Regardless of what I said to prompt him to be upset, he shouldn't have done what he did. And now the threatening email I got just proves that he's being ridiculous.
     
  6. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    At least I have the Army on my side if anything were to happen. Which makes me think that he won't be stupid enough to do anything to risk his career. If he did get into a fight or something with my boyfriend (actually just threatening him/me would be enough), all I would have to do would be to call his commander and get the paperwork started. The Army doesn't look nicely upon disputes like this involving two of their soldiers, especially with him being an NCO and me being a private.

    This makes me think that ignoring him would be the best option. If he still decides to put his job on the line by assaulting my boyfriend then he really is crazy.
     
  7. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Stop talking to your ex.
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Drama and exs? I'm shocked.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Lol and now your trying to rationalize your mistake. If I were your boyfriend in this scenario I would be livid. Apologize and then stop texting your ex.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Your boyfriend is a moron for texting you in the first place.
     
  11. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Honestly dump both of them and RUN THE FUCK AWAY.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .

    Your bf was an insecure moron to text you in the first place.
    You were dumb for texting the ex.
     
  13. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    ignore him and set your fb page so that non-friends are unable to message you.
     
  14. Chadder007

    Chadder007 OG Diamond Member

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    ^. This
     
  15. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Alright, good, so we've established that texting my ex was the wrong choice to make. Wow, it's almost as if I had clearly stated that in my first post. I'm so glad I have you guys to point that out for me. I probably would have never come to that conclusion on my own.

    For those of you actually giving the advice I asked for (ie: what to do from here), thanks. Everyone has pretty much said to completely ignore the ex, so that's what I'm going to do.
     
  16. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Yeah, you pointed it out, and then you spent the rest of the thread trying to justify why you did it. That's not remorse. Nor is it an apology (assuming you did the same thing with your boyfriend).

    A REAL apology/REAL remorse for making a "mistake" involves a "hey, I fucked up. I'm sorry" end of story.

    Just wanted to point that out to you.
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Wait, is this "boyfriend" the ex that you got back together with who treats you like shit but you haven't realized that you deserve better and you're still chemically addicted to, or some new guy?
     
  18. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    The one you're referring to, not a new guy.
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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  20. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    If it's any consolation, things with us are still going really well. We're communicating a lot better when problems do arise, and I can tell that he's been making a big effort.
     
  21. reminisce

    reminisce OT Supporter

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    definitely no reason for you to continue to stay in contact with the ex
     
  22. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    THIS.

    i thought you texting your ex was dumb

    then i remembered your bf texting you about your ex was also dumb

    and your ex going up to your bf about the text messages was also dumb

    and sadly enough, your ex's dumb move was the most justified of all three.

    dont contact your ex anymore, he'll get over it



    edit: +1 on apologizing to your bf, i doubt he expected you to text your ex about what he texted you when he sent the text :rofl:

    all this texting bizness :hsugh:
     
  23. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    Like I've said before, you are too young to be dating. :hsd:

    Really.
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Maturity comes from experience, not a number. You don't get experience by sitting around waiting to get wrinkly :rofl:

    But a bit more forethought isn't too much to ask... like everyone said, op, don't contact your ex anymore. At all.
     
  25. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    :roflw: and :roflw:

    :hsugh: Your bf knows how to throw a good punch, right? Problem solved.

    Here's why that won't work.

    You preemptively texted your ex (which I kinda get honestly. But that's neither here nor there) asking him to be cool and he still went up to your bf, talking shit and acting all drunk and belligerent.

    So, clearly he doesn't give a fuck. And regardless of what you say or what he promises, he's still going to do what he wants to in that moment. You making him "promise" to behave isn't going to change a damn thing.

    Just let it be. :hsd:
     

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