LGBT Dealing with gay newbs.

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by TheMustafa, Feb 24, 2007.

  1. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

    Joined:
    May 21, 2003
    Messages:
    11,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, Tx
    So, last week I met a neurobio/premed freshman here at UT during a question/answer panel thing I sat on, as i'm a graduating senior in the degree. We've gone out a few times and talked a bunch since, and every time its like for 6-7 hours straight just talking. People usually bore me after a few minutes, so this is a good thing. We've got a lot in common, I've been able to help him out with a lot of UT/academic stuff, and things are pretty good.

    The only problem (well, not really a problem) is that prior to this he's only dated one person - a girl sophmore year of highschool during a relationship that only lasted a month. So, he's a virgin, and prior to the twice we've made out, he hadn't kissed anyone else aside from this girl. He's from North Dakota, and as a result has been heavily closeted and stuff his whole life, so he's just starting to come to terms with being gay.

    So, our talks are awesome, but when it comes to anything physical, he gets really nervous and uptight, even though I know he likes it. I guess he's not just a gay noob, but a physical intimacy noob in general. He's also pretty shy and reserved in a lot of ways as well. I'm not pushy or forward with him at all and I'm being really patient, which is totally fine. I dont want to make him uncomfortable or anything at all; this is hard to come to terms with.

    Honestly, I'm not even sure if this is gonna go anywhere (he's still got a lot of experiences he's yet to have), but I want to help him get comfortable with himself, being physical with people, and get some confidence. Any suggestions on this? Anyone been through this before? I'm starting to think that I just need to be a lot more forward and totally break the ice, what do you guys think?
     
  2. compu_85

    compu_85 Woooo! 60HP!

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2006
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MI
    I can understand where he's coming from. I'd let him set the pace, but don't stop helping him along. When he wants to, he'll make a move.

    If he's like me, he has all this pent up hornyness he wants to get out, once he finally accepts himself.

    -Jason
     
  3. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

    Joined:
    May 21, 2003
    Messages:
    11,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, Tx
    lol good to know. I understand where he is coming from, too; its just that i dont know how hard to push since he doesnt make any moves at all, and i know he wants to.
     
  4. XPX

    XPX New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think you are going the correct way. I'm 28 and I have never been in bed with someone (well, at least not in a sexual way :rofl: ) so I'd like a little undestanding and patience when I first start exploring...just let him know you are good with the situation and that you can help...

    Talk about it, be open to his closed mind (what a weird sentence :rofl: ) and let him know that most times he is in charge and that if you are fooling around and he wants to stop, he can.

    Does he like booze? Sometimes if the person is comfortable with the situation the booze can help by breaking the ice, getting comfy and sometimes brings up funny stories :o

    How did you get to know him? How did you know he was gay?
     
  5. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

    Joined:
    May 21, 2003
    Messages:
    11,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, Tx
    We met through school (I do a lot of freshman mentoring :naughty:), and after a few minutes of talking to him, the gaydar was going off like crazy. I brought it up, found out he was pretty sure he was gay but had never done anything, and we went from there.

    PS - we just spent 4 hours together, and he didnt make a move once. sigh. I think the booze idea is in order.
     
  6. XPX

    XPX New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    mine is broken :wtc:
     
  7. UpPy

    UpPy Guest

    (I'll say)
     
  8. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

    Joined:
    May 21, 2003
    Messages:
    11,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, Tx
    i just would have thought that after 19 years of being closeted and not getting any, he'd be ripping my clothes off.
     
  9. compu_85

    compu_85 Woooo! 60HP!

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2006
    Messages:
    257
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MI
    Has he come to terms with it? I was pritty scared when I started to 'face the facts'. Thankfully diesel freak and some other friends were there to help me :)

    -Jason
     
  10. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2002
    Messages:
    3,689
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ogden, UT
    I remember those days. I knew what I wanted but didnt know how to get it. I knew I was my friend's type but he was letting me take my time. Once night I was at his place and we were flipping through some porn.jpg on his computer. I kept opening the pics that I knew he would like. He warned me, "You better stop." I didnt. Finally he jumped off of his bed and got me. I was so scared I didnt even move. He finally got me up onto his bed, where I still didnt move but recieved the most awesome head ever. The rest is history.

    :greddyd: Sums up how I felt, cept I didnt run away.
     
  11. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    62,435
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington NZ || Dallas TX
    i know I pretty much was... but not everyones the same :o
     
  12. XPX

    XPX New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    sometimes inner fears and insecurities are much stronger than hormones

    ask me about it
     
  13. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

    Joined:
    May 21, 2003
    Messages:
    11,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, Tx
    update - no booze required, just needed to move things along :naughty:
     
  14. XPX

    XPX New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    nice :rofl:
     
  15. julia!

    julia! New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2007
    Messages:
    205
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sure we're all somehwat similar. We're scared at first and done know really what to do. My first sexual experience was gay. And my girlfriend was the one who made the moves. I was scared but went along with it. You just have to get over that first hump and then it's all downhill. Just push alittle more everytime.

    -oh woops i just read the last part
     
  16. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    62,435
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington NZ || Dallas TX
    im glad you went the no booze route.

    its always better without booze - emotions are much truer and clear.
     
  17. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

    Joined:
    May 21, 2003
    Messages:
    11,001
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, Tx
    :werd:

    i kinda wish i was still as innocent as he is though; it makes me feel like a slut :hs:
     
  18. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Messages:
    18,067
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Margaritaville
    I still consider myself a gay newb :hs: :rofl: No I'm not kidding :o
     
  19. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Messages:
    78,919
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    Western MA
    I've dealt with my fair share of gay newbs.

    You just need to be VERY patient in all things... You need to let him come to terms with his feelings and emotions. You need to let him take some steps to you (which it sounds like, from our IM conversations, he's doing), and just take it a day at a time.

    I love being with a gay newb... I love looking in his eyes the first time he kisses another guy... and the first time he's gets fucked by a guy... and the first time he spends an entire night with another guy and wakes up next to him... It's a wonderful energy...
     
  20. UpPy

    UpPy Guest

    You sure have a way with words.


    [​IMG]
     
  21. Diesel Freak

    Diesel Freak ♂♂ Closet Crew OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2005
    Messages:
    1,878
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, VA
    Awesome post. I'm a gay n00b too, and I know from from my little experience how anxiety can overrule hormones. :o I'm finally coming to the point where I truely accept myself, and I hope that has opened me up (so to speak :mamoru:).
     
  22. dude101

    dude101 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2006
    Messages:
    1,907
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    long island

    [​IMG]
     

Share This Page