SRS Dealing with father...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by newboundguy, Aug 14, 2007.

  1. newboundguy

    newboundguy New Member

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    So long story short,
    My parents used to always argue and get into fights when I was younger, still do infact, whenever they see eachother (I'm 22 now). My parents got a divorce a few years ago. My sister lives with my mom.
    So i've been living in an apartment ever since, but my dad has been helping me make payments as he's well off and i'm still in school.

    So lately, my dad's been getting on my case why I don't do more for our family business. I take care of everything I can(I live 50 miles away) like orders and inventory. Mind you, i'm a double full time student(taking 2x as much as the next student) and working full time. I barely sleep as is, and now he's been on my case lately of why I don't say yes to everything he asks.

    I think he's just lonely (as he used to visit my sister every so often, but hasn't talked to her in a month) + he's around that retirement age. I think at times he tries to start an argument just to talk to someone. I talk to my sister every so often and tell her to be more understanding because he is fairly old and is probably very lonely.

    I try to keep my cool, but he constantly instigates an argument until I lose my cool. I mean, I can only take soo much till I lash back. Even when I say i'll do it after 10 mins, he still continues to argue and call me names untill I snap again, then it repeats.

    I can't just stop talking to him as i'm still financially dependent. My dad's the type of guy that wants everything his way, and won't budge, at all.

    I was wondering if you guys could suggest either ways I could deal with the issue or not let it bug me. Most of the time when I get mad to this level, I end up getting very sick for about 2 weeks and somehow end up with an infected respiratory system. :wtf: I really can't continue to deal with stuff like this. It's the second time this happened in the last 2 weeks, and I'm very sick of it. I don't even go out nowadays(I'm a very social person) because i'm so busy with school and work. =(

    Also, what's worse is I realize the more i get into these kinda arguments, the more I have these types of arguments with whoever im dating. The last thing I want is to have his negative traits instilled in me.

    Any advice is appreciated
     
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Ouch. My only advice would be to level with him - if you simply cannot take on any more work, that needs to be explained to him in detail along with the news that near-constant arguing is damaging to the relationship you share and that his expectations of you need to be reset. If he doesn't listen/doesn't agree... I got nothing. :dunno:

    See if you can convince your sister to spend some time with him, too. At least that should give him a diversion.
     
  3. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Family businesses SUCK.

    It adds a whole new twisted level to the already highly placed demands of a family member.

    I know because I've been there for over 10 years. In most cases, I've felt like I was more viewed as an employee than a son. However, situations like these can be circumvented if you have effective communication. Sit him down and talk to him, and make him aware of how his demands are affecting you (assuming you're not being unreasonable). And if that doesn't work, get another job.

    Oh...and take it from me: use your parents relationship as a mold for what you DON'T want. KEEP IT SEPARATE FROM YOUR OWN. Unstable parental relationships can really fuck up your own if you don't know how to properly differentiate it.
     
  4. newboundguy

    newboundguy New Member

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    Deffinitly agree with this. I'm about 99% different than all of my immediate family . But I do have a severe problem with people lying, and I do get into arguments with people that are close to me when they do lie.
     
  5. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    well if he is lonely mabey find him a girl friend or just do simple things like go out to lunch with him
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You know , sign your dad up at the bowling club. I think it would be wonderfull for him if he can have a fun time every weekend or so bowling and meeting some people in the club. That way he gets a little distraction and some oppertunity to blow off some steam.
     
  7. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    Your dad has a lot of built up anger. He got into arguments with your mom when they were together and now he gets into arguments with you. He needs to find an outlet like eternal mentioned, but I wouldn't worry about that if I were you. You've got enough on your mind. I say slow down.

    You're trying to do too much at once and it's driving you up the wall. Either cut back on classes or ditch the job. Choose what is more important to YOU. Obviously your dad wants you to help with the family business, but if he EXPECTS you to do this then that's mighty selfish of him. If you need the money then that's different. In that case cut out some classes. It's good to be ambitious, but not at the expense of your sanity.

    The reason you lash out like your father is because you're taking on the same kind of workload and stress as him. Like I said, slow it down. Try to relax and enjoy life more.
     

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