SRS Dealing with double divorce

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bitetobreakskinn, Jun 28, 2006.

  1. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

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    So here's my story...

    When I was 1-2, in there, my parents got a divorce. I've always been "ok" with it to a certain point, and never had to deal with it at an age where I would realize what was going on. Both parents have always been amazing to me, I have no complaints with that aspect of my life.

    My dad and mom both got relationships afterwards. My mom has been married to my step-dad for about 12 years now-ish. My dad has been dating/seeing this woman for about 20 years now. They have a son together (my little brother).

    My dad called me last night, bummed as hell, because he said that his g/f brought up leaving him. Now in theory, I really couldn't give a shit if they break up, because she's never been a mother figure to me, but I care if my dad gets his heart broken or not.

    However, I'm concerned with my little brother. He just turned 19, and he's DEFINATELY at an age where he knows what divorce is, etc. I want to be able to help him with this shit if it really goes down like this, but I don't know what all to tell him.



    Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated :o
     
  2. bigballofyarn

    bigballofyarn OT Supporter

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    Honestly at 19 I don't believe it's going to bother him as much as you may think. When I was first reading the thread I thought of him to be 10-12 age, just by the way you referred to him.

    Anyway, I'm sure he's had friends at school/college/work who have gone through this at a similar stage in life who would be much better at empathizing with him that you would. However, most of what you can tell him is probably things he already knows. I.E. It's not your fault, Don't take it personally, both of them will love you no matter what.

    I'm sure after 19 years he has some type of relationship with both parents, whether it be good or bad, and has a very good understand of their feelings towards him. That being said, I would assume he'd be old enough to understand that the way his parents feel about him won't change.

    If this woman wants to break up with your father, I'm sorry. I do not know the full story or the conditions of their relationship, so I cannot give you specific advice. However, I think you should tell your father to have a serious talk with this woman and ask her about her concers, and what she's feeling. Maybe she's just stressed out and needs to talk to someone.

    However, if things aren't working out, I wouldn't want them to stay together just for the sake of the child. If they aren't happy together, I believe it's best for them to come to a mutual agreement, to either live in different locations, to take a break, or to end the relationship.
     
  3. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    at 19 I think he will be fine. It fuckes a kid up when they are under 10 but 19 is as fine as you can get I think
     
  4. bitetobreakskinn

    bitetobreakskinn Blinky the Christmas Ghost

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    I dunno...I don't know what's worse...Losing the "parents" aspect real young like I did, or losing the "parents" aspect when you're older. I'm sure he knows why it's happening, and that there's no issue like "They're breaking up because they don't love you" or shit like that :o
     
  5. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Well I am not saying it won't impact him, but by 19 he should have his own morals and beliefs in place so he should be able to over ride the fact his parents 'don't love each other' with knowledge that things like this happen and it shouldn't reflect on him or how much they love him.
     

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