SRS dealing with death...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by jdw, Jul 2, 2007.

  1. jdw

    jdw New Member

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    ...it doesn't effect me. People die, get over it.


    So I'm struggling with this right now and my folks were so courteous to lay this one on me right before I need to try and get some sleep. My grandfather hasn't been feeling well the last few weeks and from what I was told here a bit ago is they're afraid his cancer has started taking over and is shutting him down. The thought of him passing doesn't really bring out any emotion in me. It happens.. it's part of life.. accept it and move on. It's the drama that surrounds a death that I'm dreading. The crying, the questions.. everyone going out of their way to ask you how you are. I'm fine, I'm still breathing, I'm going about my life thank you. It was the same way when my aunt, uncle, and cousin passed (over the span of the last 10 years so I've always been like this).

    unfortunately there are two strikes early in this equation...

    I'm a volly EMT/Firefighter with the squads that service the area.. that would respond to something at my grandparent's place. My entire family - if something happens they look at me like I'm supposed to fix it. My folks keep telling me to be prepared to go. No, I don't want to go. There are other crew members that will take care of it. I'm not some sort of life saving miracle worker... don't call me, call the ambulance. They're almost to the point where I'm ready to throw in the towel of something I really did enjoy doing. It's burnt me out. Every call I'd be the first one in the truck ready to roll. Now I try to pretend I didn't hear the call unless I'm scheduled to respond. I don't think I'll be taking shifts now until something resolves it's self.. or I'm gone from the area and can't do it period. I think the pager might get turned off for a while... if it wasn't for the fire department side of it I'd probably turn it in and walk away.



    I'm really shot right now... I wish I was living back out of town where I was a few months ago. Then if something does happen I can go give my hugs and get back away from it and go back to my life.






    The only death I'm not prepared for right now is my father's and for one simple reason. If something happens to him my life turns completely upside down and I'll have to put down everything to care for my disabled mother. Guess it's just me being selfish...
     
  2. Ickyarkman

    Ickyarkman New Member

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    Well there is a time for mourning...Grandfathers death is one of them. BUT, i mean some people are like that...you're being a little selfish but youre right life goes on and people dwell way too much on these things
     
  3. 2500

    2500 Guest

    your last sentence sums it all up. you need to realize that you have a very strange view of this all, and not everyone is going to think like you do. not caring about loved ones dying, and only caring about your dad dying because of the burden caring for your mother will be? sick. i'd see a therapist. your not normal, and thinking like this is about as selfish and disgusting as it gets.
     
  4. chicken leg

    chicken leg New Member

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    I disagree... have you thought that this is just your way of coping. plus. you're a firefighter. you've seen people die through your career probably. you know that death is inevitable and you've come to terms with death on a whole....
    as for your worry about your dad's death, i find that natural... I'm sure u'd miss him but its the after effects that suck... you'd be the one dealing with his death, not him.. he doesn't have to worry bout it cos his dead... if that makes any sense at all.

    some people aren't emotional, people deal with things differently, take some time to think it all over... then decide if somethings wrong.

    Btw, don't throw in the towel, giving up proves nothing except that you're a failier... dont prove that
     
  5. Rat Face

    Rat Face Guest

    I'm with him, I'm a paramedic and work for the 12th busiest ambulance service in the country and see alot of crazy shit. So I think because of the job we do gives us, whether its a conscious decision or not, a whole different view on death. jdw your not being selfish at all. good luck with everything
     
  6. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    :ugh:

    Get out of here.
     
  7. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    I don't get why its made you not like your job. Why wouldn't you want to go there if something does happen to him?

    Personally I'd prefer to go there myself if I was in your shoes. That way I'd go there, offer the best care I could, and if there's nothing more I could have done I'd know it was so. If your family starts giving you shit and expects you to have magically saved him, tell them they need to grow the fuck up and realize what world they're living in and that you did all you could.
     

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