SRS Dealing with a recent tragic death.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BigU, Aug 19, 2009.

  1. BigU

    BigU OT Supporter

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    I never thought I would be writing this in this forum, after reading everyone else problem. I Couldn't believe I would ask the help of strangers, this is more of a pray for his family and the timing of this tragic event.

    It was suppose to be the guys out camping, the first part of the bachelor's party...it was suppose to be perfect. There were 11 of us , guys who all grown up together, made fun of each other, what guys do...We were brothers. This camping trip was planned months in ahead it was at least a 9 hour drive up north to the most beautiful place in northern Saskatchewan. (I will just get to what happen)

    On the third day August 17th 2009, was the day I would never forget...Imagine the most beautiful day you ever had, the sun was shining at the right time, no wind that was that day. Myself and the deceased( Refered to as T.D) and another buddy woke up first. I was told to make a fire and I have never done it before, so T.D. gave me matches and a fire starter kit, after a few tries it started, that's when everyone else started to wake up and asked who made the fire...I said T.D and I did. T.D. never like taking props for anything..so he said "No man it was all you"( this was the last important thing he ever said to me). We made breakfast and decided to walk to the rapids which were 5 km away, 2 guys stayed behind. The hike was an experience and especially in flipflops, guys joking around play fighting, the rapids were not as it cracked up to be so we walked back....(just remember 10km basically). We were walking back to the beach...there was a trampoline at least 100 feet out, 3 guys including myself were able to barely make it out there...T.D. went out to...following was my 17 year old brother. I was exhausted....thats when things started to become fubar, I heard from TD "guys i can't make it" ( He was the type never to give up)and decided to swim back, my little brother gave up and went back to shore...TD made it half way between the trampoline and the shore. From here I hear more shouting it was TD waving his hands...it didn't click to me he was drowning...I thought he was joking, my little brother swims out to him, i jump into the water...i swam as fast as i could swearing at the two guys to get off the trampoline.
    "Get the fuck off, fucken HELP, FUCKEN GET OFF AND HELP ME"
    My brother gets to him...screaming at me. By the time he got to him he was clinging on his shorts.
    "I can't hold him, I HAD HIM, I HAD HIM" he sunk quickly.
    Thats when i got there...i told me brother to get back to shore...screaming at him to get back to shore. I dove under exhausted looking for him, the water was to murky...to deep..i tried my hardest...im so sorry.
    We were screaming for help people came. I went back to shore...hugged my brother who keep repeating the same thing over and over..." I HAD HIM, I couldnt hold him"


    He was recovered after an hour, I still can't forget his face when they pull him out...all my friends, were crying...the moment it finally clicked in for me...was the moment the last 2 friends who finally showed up...seeing him being draped over by the RCMP. I shed alot of tears within the last 48 hours, we all did.

    Now I ask of you, this is my first time half of the group with dealing with death...so suddenly. My brother man, made me so proud yesterday, risked his life and energy to save one of our brothers.

    What should we be doing...?
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2009
  2. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    :hug: I'm so sorry for your loss, Big :hug:
     
  3. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    unbelievable. :( i'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

    i've posted a poem below entitled "letter from heaven." i'm not sure if you're religious [or if you even believe in a higher power], but i know it helped me get through the rough times [the first few weeks] after my mother passed away.

    maybe you'll decide to share it with the rest of your friends, aka "brothers."


    Letter from Heaven
    To my dearest family,
    Some things I would like to say,
    But first of all, to let you know
    That I arrived here ok.

    I’m writing this from Heaven.
    Here I dwell with God above.
    Here there’s no more tears or sadness,
    Here there's just eternal love.

    That day that I had to leave you
    When my life on earth was through,
    God picked me up and hugged me
    And He said, "I welcome you."

    "It’s good to have you back again
    You were missed while you were gone.
    As for your dearest family
    They’ll be here later on."

    "I needed you here so badly
    You're part of my plan.
    There’s so much that we have to do
    To help our mortal man."

    God gave me a list of things
    He wished for me to do.
    And foremost on that list
    Was to watch and care for you.

    And when you lie in bed at night
    The days chores put to flight
    God and I are closest to you
    In the middle of the night.

    When you think of my life on earth
    And all those loving years,
    Because you’re only human
    They’re bound to bring you tears.

    But do not be afraid to cry
    It does relieve the pain.
    Remember, there would be no flowers
    Unless there was some rain.

    I wish that I could tell you
    Of all that God has planned,
    But if I were to tell you,
    You would not understand.

    When you’re walking down the street
    And you’ve got me on your mind,
    I’m walking in your footsteps
    Only half a step behind.

    And when it’s time for you to go
    From that body to be free,
    Remember, you’re not going,
    You are coming here to me.​
     
  4. BigU

    BigU OT Supporter

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    Thank you so much guys for your support. I finally talked to his sister yesterday and it was so hard to say anything to her, how can you say we failed your brother this one time...and he's never coming back.
     
  5. JWG

    JWG $5 Foot Long

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    You didn't FAIL anyone, bro. Just talk and get it off your chest. Don't be afraid to cry and talk with your other brothers to heal from this. You'll never fully get over this, but you NEED to get it off your chest bro. You guys all sound close, so don't be afraid to use that brotherhood to help each other.

    :hug:
     
  6. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    Death is so difficult for those left behind. So sorry for your loss!!
     
  7. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    I feel for you and all those he left behind. I lost my mother 2 years ago to cancer and I'm still not over it.

    You and your bro did the best you could. It was just his time.

    Again, sorry for your loss.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You guys need to have a ceremonial memory for him, either in church or a place of your choice, this is necessary for you guys to have closure. You guys need to promise eachother to stick together even after this happend.

    You guys didn't go swimming with the intend to kill T.D , Its not your fault, go see a counceller of grieve to process and come in balance with what has happend. Don't blame yourself, no one goes into a car with the idea that they are never coming back, if people knew those kind of things in advance, they would never drive on that day, or swim in that particular stream.
     
  9. PooP

    PooP New Member

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    I couldn't even imagine. I'm sorry.

    :hug:
     
  10. BigU

    BigU OT Supporter

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    His body is return back to us today, the wake is tomorrow. I've been grieving a a lot by myself...everyone else have been there for each other, texting each other how your doing. It's still surreal that he's gone...but I guess god wanted him more than us. My little brother seems ok now...i can't imagine tomorrow when he sees him again.

    And once again thanks for your support guys, and darketernal yes I will keep that in mind...it's something we have to do. But being my stubborn self I will find my own way out of this tunnel.
     
  11. JWG

    JWG $5 Foot Long

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    Stay strong, bro. When I lost a good friend it never really hit me until I saw others grieving, before I left the body the last time, and again about a month from the funeral. Seems to always hit me the worst when everyone else is getting over it, not fun.

    Keep us up to date bro, and vent all you want.
     
  12. BigU

    BigU OT Supporter

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    JWG, Thank you...my little brother is meeting TD's Father for the first time. I just couldn't be there, just like you man i can't be around grieving people...it just hurts me to much. Tonight I'm avoiding my friends...i know how it sounds but it just something I have to do. I just want pretend it never happen...just until tomorrow.
     
  13. JWG

    JWG $5 Foot Long

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    Do what you gotta do, but don't stay like that. You GOT to be around people and just let it out. Get it out now, and don't bottle it up. That's when it gets bad.
     
  14. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd:

    i spent the entire week with my immediate family and my mom's sister in law [my aunt] after my mother passed away [4 months & 2 weeks ago].

    i'm not sure how involved you have been in the planning of his funeral, but imo, it was like a blessing in disguise for me. it kept me focused, yet still in the moment. [i've never cried so much in my life...to the point where it hurts.]

    my brother and i both spoke at my mother's funeral, and preparing her biography and eulogy was a great way to overcome the shock of our mom's passing. it was fun reminiscing, and apparently we did a great job. we had people laughing and crying during the funeral :bigthumb:.

    :( everyone grieves in a different way... i haven't stopped thinking of my mom since the morning i found her. :hs:
     
  15. BigU

    BigU OT Supporter

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    All...is done, TD Is finally at rest, today was the most perfect day...for his funeral, it felt like the same day he left us.
     
  16. JWG

    JWG $5 Foot Long

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    I'm glad it was a good day/weather for the funeral. Stay strong, bro. Be with your bros alot and get through this trying time TOGETHER. Can't stress that enough.
     

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