SRS Dealing with a breakup years later(anonymous post)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, May 30, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Background - I was once engaged to a girl who suddenly left me (4 years ago). I didn't catch any warnings. She just up and left one day and I haven't seen her since. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong or why she was leaving. There were no fights, no infidelity and I was completely shocked. I took it REALLY hard and fell into a very deep depression off and on for over two years.

    Since then I’ve bounced back. I moved to a new city, found a good job, found a good girlfriend and bought a house. I also pursued my hobby of photography and have had my work in several magazines and books which is a very big deal to me… Basically my life is better now than it was when I was with the ex. I am happy.

    Occasionally something will remind me of her during my day at work and I don’t really feel anything as far as sadness or anger. The problem happens when I lay down to go to sleep at night. No matter if I had a good day or bad, right before I am about to fall asleep it hits me hard. I get this overwhelming feeling of “what the hell happened”. It really hurts, my mind starts racing, I relive the last time I saw the ex and I’m up for at least an hour feeling like crap. This happens nearly every night.

    Also, when I went camping with one of my friends he said that I talk in my sleep saying things like “you bitch” and “what happened”. Even weirder – I will be driving by myself, be somewhat spaced out and suddenly blurt out those same phrases. I'm not the angry type so this embarrasses and kind of scares me.

    I know this isn’t normal, especially 4 years after the fact. I’m sure I have repressed anger towards the ex that comes out when my mind shuts down. Frankly I don’t know what to do about it. I know that I will never find out why she left and right now I feel okay with that. I went to a shrink off and on for a couple years and that helped, but did nothing for these nighttime episodes. Anyone know if hypnosis could help something like this or have any other tips?

    Thanks for listening :)
     
  2. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    First off, what you are feeling is actually very normal. Its perfectly natural to still have thoughts about someone you were very much in love with several years after they are gone. Best thing for you to do when you begin to think about her, is change the subject inside your head. Think of how much better off you are in life now that she is gone, think of all the things you having going for you, all the things you accomplished without her.


    As far as your night time talking. Theres nothing that I know of that you can do to help out with that. Try getting some excercise before going to sleep, that may help and at the very least will help you fall asleep faster.

    Also talk to your current girlfriend about your feelings and problems. Maybe she can help you with your emotional feelings a little, and at the very least tell her about your sleep talking, or it may lead to an awkward night sometime.

    If you feel you need medication for your sleeping, try talking with your doctor, he may have a few medical tips to gie you before resorting to giving out drugs. And one final tip I picked up from my friend who got it from when she spent a week in the psyche ward. Try counting down in your head starting at 100. Just keep counting down, if your mind starts to wander, get back on track. If you lose track of what number you are on, start at the last number you remember. If you get down you zero, start back up at 100.

    Hope I helped
     
  3. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    A deep depression was a sign that you internalized the anger instead of externalizing it. This often comes at the expense of expressing the anger towards the person who rightly caused the anger.

    Expressing your anger more often, even when you don't feel it -- but talking about exactly what you think -- even if it's irrational, would be useful. Write some notes, keep the pad next to you at night. That will probably help you get some of it out.

    Just jot down some brief notes. A sentence or two -- whatever you immediately feel like saying.
     
  4. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    she really hurt you and you didn't get any closure and thats problem why it still hurts you. She left without telling you any reason at all. You were shocked hurt and confused all at the same time and thats got to be dramitic.

    Bottom line. go to therapy asap and figure out how to cope before it fucks up your new relationship.

    Look on the bright side your with someone you really enjoy now:)
     

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