Deal with it!!

Discussion in 'Fitness & Nutrition' started by bigdamray, Aug 24, 2007.

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  1. bigdamray

    bigdamray New Member

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    Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I
    can't stand any more.

    Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing
    about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style"
    and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual,
    metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions
    have taken over the urban and suburban world!

    Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, and yell "ENOUGH!" I
    hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the
    Retrosexual movement. "

    The Retrosexual Code :

    A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

    A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that
    term only because they are female.

    A Retrosexual DEALS WITH IT, be it a flat tire, a home break-in, or a
    natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

    A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

    A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you
    live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
    drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a god.

    A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
    Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an end cap
    (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods.)

    A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years
    old.

    A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
    This falls under the "DEALING WITH IT" portion of The Code.

    A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

    A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national
    TV.

    A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.
    Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you
    becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

    A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress
    such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak
    tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city,
    favorite bird dog expiring, demon squirrel attacks, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink
    because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH
    IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

    A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to
    conceal himself from prey.

    A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY
    a Windsor knot.

    A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

    A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a
    nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be
    rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

    A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled
    with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.
    Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or
    things that just need a little "wakin' up".

    Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of
    them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams
    are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is
    swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry
    include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish
    do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of
    major body part on your truck.

    When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a
    pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and
    offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men
    still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

    A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct
    emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled
    Banner.

    A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
    understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the
    acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious
    healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting,
    cigars, car maintenance.

    A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

    A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all
    over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his
    ride in a snow bank.

    A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.
    Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his
    truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the
    Retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

    A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any
    elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The
    persons in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man
    will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.

    He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other
    person deceived him.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does
    something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the
    process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
     
  2. KingGargantuan

    KingGargantuan ♖♘♗♕♔♗♘♖

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  3. Damnation

    Damnation OT Supporter

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    i guess i shouldn't buy those $140 pants and have them tailored
     
  4. Damnation

    Damnation OT Supporter

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    joking.
     
  5. Hedger

    Hedger OT Supporter

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    AMEN.

    soo well stated
     
  6. evolude

    evolude OT Supporter

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    i'm posting this on my blog
     
  7. Sgt. Ownage

    Sgt. Ownage you gon' be just fiiiine

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    haha true...i just sent that to my girlfriend
     
  8. kidwiththeshirt

    kidwiththeshirt I'm gay, big deal, wanna fight about it?

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  9. trancezj

    trancezj New Member

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    We're a dying breed. I'm still amazed that people will ask WHY I carry a knife. "Do you think you'll have to kill anyone?" No you stupid retard, but I might need to cut something. That hand cannon between my seats is for killing people if need be.

    If you get into a fight and the opposing party didn't try to shoot you, stab you, or have more than one friend help, don't fucking sue them. It was a fair-ish fight.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2007
  10. GOGZILLA

    GOGZILLA Double-Uranium Member

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    do you mean fair-ish or far-ish?
     
  11. trancezj

    trancezj New Member

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    a retrosexual doesn't use things like "ur" or "ic"
     
  12. trancezj

    trancezj New Member

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    ishfar is what I ment shrek
     
  13. kidwiththeshirt

    kidwiththeshirt I'm gay, big deal, wanna fight about it?

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    I don't want to be a retrosexual. I'm a homosexual
     
  14. KingGargantuan

    KingGargantuan ♖♘♗♕♔♗♘♖

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    where is plantation fl? i wonder if we drove there there on the way to or from tampa.

    google took us backasswards way down there, we drove thru orlando to 95 on the way home.
     
  15. Damnation

    Damnation OT Supporter

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    you didn't
     
  16. TXLBS

    TXLBS New Member

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    I think reading this thread put atleast 20 pounds on my squat.
     
  17. BarbaraWaltersPegleg

    BarbaraWaltersPegleg Irish Guido

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    400 for Abomb
     
  18. TXLBS

    TXLBS New Member

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    :rofl:

    That jackass is on "back day" right now.

    What a douche!!!!
     
  19. TZ

    TZ Banned

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    this thread turned me :greddy:
     
  20. kilian

    kilian You've got quite a treasure there in that Horadric OT Supporter

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    finally someone else says it :/
    and my sister is confused why I yell at her and the tv when she turns on "trading spaces".
     
  21. Marijuanair

    Marijuanair Remember to have your pet spayed or neutered! OT Supporter

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    I agree with the whole post exept a new -sexual term for being a normal man
     
  22. siniquezu

    siniquezu New Member

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    A retrosexual man should be uncomfortable with the word retrosexual because it is bears resemblance to the word homosexual.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2007
  23. Jeg1983

    Jeg1983 OT Supporter

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    :rofl::rofl:
     
  24. Perkwunos

    Perkwunos Dog Bones OT Supporter

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    Yeah, thios should just be rephrased as a MAN will..
     
  25. TZ

    TZ Banned

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    hahahah, you retrosexual you
     
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