SRS deadbeat father

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Anna28471, Aug 2, 2006.

  1. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    My parents dated for 7 years but never married. A few months before I was born, my parents broke up.. my father was cheating on her with another woman. On the day I was born my grandfather (on my mom's side) called his mother and told her the news. She yelled at him saying that I wasn't her son's daughter and slammed the receiver down. A few years later, my mother took my father to court for chid support. I was proven to be his child and he was ordered to pay support. I did not see him again until I was 14 years old when he came over to my house disgustingly drunk begging me to go see his mother. I agreed but only if someone else drove--- I would not get in a car with a drunk driver. This angered him so he left and never came back. A few years ago, I found out that he had passed away on the internet. This hurt because now that I had a driver's license I had planned on visiting him. I contacted the family for closure and also a picture, so I could atleast know what he looks like but they never responded.

    Recently, I met another one of his deadbeat kids who was too abandoned and rejected by the family. He started up a myspace page which pokes fun at my supposed father (but not badly-- he did look like Grizzly Adams) but is mainly aimed at other kids who feel worthless and abandoned as a form of support. The family has supposedly seen this and has left messages but I cannot bear myself to read them. I know there was a few tid bits about me on there.

    I cannot explain the mix of emotions I am feeling right now. I think the internet is a great tool to provide support for kids who are victims of deadbeat fathers but feel guilty for being associated.. even though I feel the same way he does. Any advice?
     
  2. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    Ypu might want to try some sort of counseling.... I'm not sure what else to tell you here. I don't know if an Internet support group will really help you.

    What's done is done, and, well, let's face it, your father wasn't a father. You and him share some DNA and that's about it. Did you have a stepfather in your life or another father figure in your life?

    Sometimes you just need to write people like this out of your life. Just try and get the medical history and be done with it and move on. From your post your father's side of the family really doesn't sound like they're worth getting to know anyways. I'm sorry you didn't have a better family unit (hey, let's face it, it's not always all it's cracked up to be) and I'm thinking your mom did a good job without your dad around.


    If I were you, I would just ignore the whome MySpace page and get on with life. Might not be the easiest thing to do but there's not much you can do. Oh, and if they're leaving "tidbits" about you on there and they're not really nice, you might want to drop these three words: "libel", "slander" and "lawyer" ;)

    I know I sound like I'm going in different directions. Sorry 'bout that. I'm tired. It's been a rough week and it's only Tuesday.
     
  3. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    You can attempt to justify it any way you want, but you can't deny the effects of not having a father around. Whether the two of you want to admit it or not, by him not being an active part in his future child's life WILL affect him, chances are in a negative way.

    To the threadstarter, I have talked to my own father a handful of times since I was 4. Most times it was him begging me to convince my mom to drop the child support order. It was very hard growing up without a father and I honestly feel that I missed out on a lot because of it. I am very sorry to hear that your father has passed away without you having the chance to know him. I sometimes wonder if I am making a mistake as an adult not contacting my father to at least meet him once so I can remember him as something.
     
  5. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    In my case, I may as well not have had a father around. He was working most of the time and when he wasn't working, he was either drunk or high.

    Barring that....

    it sounds like the OP's father didn't want anything to do with her, not for her or her mother's lack of trying. That does happen. These things one just has to accept and move on. I accepted that my father really didn't want to make time for me (I was the youngest of three, an "oops" baby and neither of my parents really had or wanted to make the time for me) and I had to adjust. Yes, it sucks that Dad chose the bottle, work and China White over me but there really isn't much I can do about it.

    All things aside, you just need to accept what is, and move on.

    :dunno:
     
  6. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    I know the person that has set up this mock myspace page which pokes (innocent) fun at my biological father. He included me in one of his blogs.. bragging about me (pathetic I know) so they know what they've missed. I hear they (the family) have left messages but for some reason I cannot bring myself to read them. Should I? Or should I let it go?
     
  7. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    What do *you* in your heart feel? DO you feel anger towards these people? Do you think they can let the past go and make contact with them? It simply may be that your bio dad was not that great a person but the rest of his family isn't so bad.

    It can't hurt to find out. If they turn out to be crummy people, hey, you tried. If tey turn out to be nice people then you have an extension of your bio dad that you never knew, right?

    IMHO, you don't really have much to lose.
     

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