day with the ex

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by THoC, Apr 25, 2010.

  1. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    not sure what point of thread is.... just feeling like typing this out. do as you please with it :wiggle:



    my ex's sister, who through our RS became a good friend, is moving. she decided to have a get together friday and saturday.

    i was tempted to avoid both days but would have felt like an asshole. so i skipped out on friday and decided to hang out saturday (initially was going to be beach but took a mutual friend's boat out instead).


    havent really spoken/texted ex in a while. she texted me thursday asking me if i was going out friday or saturday and i told her saturday i would. she replied "ok ill see you saturday :)".

    i get to mutual friends place first. then the ex and her sister + another friend get there. we hug and thats it.
    as we wait for boat to be ready to go she is standing next to me. starts talking kinda close to me (nothing "lovey" just random ish).

    we get on boat. i sit. she sits right next to me. puts her legs on my lap :hs:
    we get to place where we anchor down and she starts at this point making comments about my physical appearance (ive always been in decent shape. but since our break up have really been hitting the gym, watching my diet, biking).

    the time on boat through the day she would do things like slap my ass, grab my arms, etc...

    we get back to his place and i head to the bathroom, she follows me... comes in and breaks down crying.
    at this point she tells me how she loves me. she knows we dont need to be together but she cant help but love me.
    she's been on dates, compares all the guys to me. so on....

    then comes my fuck up :hsugh:

    we had to go out later that night for more fun times for her sis leaving. i needed to go home to my dog, shower, change, etc... so did she bc she didnt bring a change of clothes. i ask her if she wants to ride back with me :nono::hsd:


    on way home in car she breaks down again. this time she said some stuff that really hit me. things that during out RS she would never admit to. some of the things:

    * i was not a good gf.

    * my identity was our RS. i had nothing going for myself.

    * i hate myself for finally admitting this to myself but i was using you. i was giving nothing to the RS and you took care of me. i hate myself for it and hate myself even more for expecting it from you.

    * after my DUI i felt like trash. i lost my job, got a new one making nothing, i had all these fees to pay. even though i know it happens i felt like scum.

    * ive realized that i cannot be happy in a RS, no matter how good ours was, bc im not happy with who i am.

    * ive made goals now. im moving out on my own (she lives w. her parents after leaving my place) by october, i will have paid off my DUI issues this month and will start paying you back, ive focused on my job so much that i got promoted and make a little more, love the people i work with. i feel like im on the right path but have a lot more work ahead of me.


    we get home and lay down to nap before heading back out..... of course that led to sex :hsd:

    after it just laying down in bed with her and holding her pretty much felt... good :hs:.... she asked me;

    "so what is this? was it just one night sleeping together... or???".

    me: "i dont know. what i do know is that we cant get back together. no matter how i feel about you its not right".

    her: "i know:hs:. maybe one day when i get myself together and instead of you being my identity we can complement each other".

    me: i didnt say anything. just smiled, held her, and we fell asleep.


    i gotta say im pretty proud of her for admitting those things. also glad that she is realizing that she needs to get her shit together, stop being always broke, and that she is starting on that path.


    today we have not texted each other or anything.


    thanks for listening. i really have no idea why i felt the need to post this. maybe i just need some hugs. :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2010
  2. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    6,484
    Likes Received:
    1
    WOW :run:

    good for her for facing her issues
     
  3. john law

    john law Guest

    wow that was a real good story. you did the right thing man, you've always been money.
     
  4. UrbanKnight

    UrbanKnight Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun

    Joined:
    May 17, 2006
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Daytona Beach
    The story had the potential for so much fail... Glad to see you didn't!

    WTG man!
     
  5. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    werd and werd

    I don't thing you fucked up :dunno: I thought you handled yourself and the situation really well. And way to go on the self reflection, ex girlfriend :hsd:
     
  6. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    ya, im pretty proud of her.

    thanks brew :h5:

    ya i pretty much had to hold back and keep my feelings in check. especially after we had sex.
    ive slept w. a coupld girls since her. with her its so much better and i actually enjoy cuddling after.

    with these other girls as soon as were done i pretty much feel like getting up and leaving. i dont feel like holding them. etc..
     
  7. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    i sorta feel like i did fuck up. not bc of how i handled the situation after, but bc i put myself in it to begin with.

    although im ok i still cant help but feel a little :hs:
     
  8. 3MTA3

    3MTA3 er skotin mit mein ambatt

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2007
    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oceanfront
    :bowdown:

    Stood your ground. I don't know if I'd be able to be that strong.
     
  9. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    I agree with this. In my experience situations like the one you just put yourself in don't accomplish anything other than reopening wounds that were trying to heal. Hope you got whatever closure you need to move on now.
     
  10. UrbanKnight

    UrbanKnight Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun

    Joined:
    May 17, 2006
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Daytona Beach
    You screwed up a little by letting her back in so much, but its understandable......At least you realised it after you got you d!ck wet and stopped its progression.

    If you wanted to be technical, there was no dick move in not going at all, that would of been the best play. You worked with what you had, and although every hardass on OT will say they would of been hands off, I doubt most will...
     
  11. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL

    thanks man.

    trust me, it wasnt easy.

    my heart wants to be with her so bad. but i was already bitten once when i took her back. gotta think with my head :mamoru: instead of my heart.

    in the car ride i really did see some growing up from her but not even close to enough and she agrees with me. plus, its only been 2 months.

    who knows, maybe one day down the line. but the last thing i need to do is think about that or it will fuck with my head.
     
  12. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Eh. I think you had a perfectly valid reason for going and when you saw her, like you knew you would, you handled yourself like a man, stood your ground and was still able to have a productive interaction with your ex.

    I don't think the name of the game is avoidance, I think it's not letting your emotions dictate your actions. :dunno:
     
  13. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    yup, it sure did set me back.

    did i get closure? not really. the best part of the situation is that i got to hear she is set on a positive course. since i care about her.... scratch that.... since i still love her..... im happy to hear it.

    i really felt like it would have been. i think in the end her sis would have understood but i wanted to man up and be there for my friend.
     
  14. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    i was referring to me asking her to ride back home with me as my fuck up.

    had i not asked her to there would have been no sex and no (or at least less) emoness.

    although i would not have heard about her life progression either.
     
  15. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    I don't think you can have both on this one babe.

    Either you fucked up by putting yourself in the situation or you did the right thing by being there at the party.

    I don't think you can say you "let" a conversation with your ex happen. When you go hanging around your ex's family, conversation with your ex is inevitable.
     
  16. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL

    i dont think we are on same page :)

    i didnt fuck up by going to event. i think i did the right thing being there for my friend (her sis).

    where i fucked up was when after we were done with boat i asked the ex to ride home with me.
     
  17. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    I see now.

    Was talking to her and spending that alone time with her worth the emotions you have to deal with now?
     
  18. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    :rofl: I realize that now. Sorry about that :o:o
     
  19. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL

    ummm.... im 50/50 on it.

    loved seeing her showing signs of maturing.
    we always have fun when we are together.
    the sex was great (its not that i dont like sex w. random girls. but w. her its 10x better bc of not only her "skills" but the emotions behind it).

    now im left, almost, empty? not sure how to describe it. being w. her has made me realize even more that any of the girls (one in particular) who i am currently talking to just wont make me as happy as the ex does.

    not saying that i dont think there is someone else out there that would... but i def have yet to meet her.



    its all good :)
     
  20. nrgyserboy

    nrgyserboy New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2007
    Messages:
    461
    Likes Received:
    0
    impressive discipline
     
  21. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chi-Town
    You're a strong dude. If I was laying in a bed with my ex I would have absolutely had sex with her.
     
  22. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    i dont think you read some of my later posts.

    in the original i did type it vaguely.... ill edit it.

    but, we did have sex.
     
  23. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chi-Town
    Ah, ok. Well, you did what any other of us testosterone flowing males would have done.

    At least you made the decision to not get back into a relationship.... or to at least wait until she can get a better hold on her life and grow as a person before considering it :bigthumb:
     
  24. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cambridge, MA
    .

    if i ever get into the same situation i hope i can bring up that discipline too
     
  25. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    oh man......

    im at work. just got a text:

    her: "hows work?"
    me: "looooong..... THATS WHAT SHE SAID! hows your day off?"

    some random back and forth

    her: ":( can i spend the night again soon? or is that a bad idea?"

    me: "while i want you to. do you really think we are capable of separating this from us being together? we cannot and will not be back together, and thats not even a guarantee, until you are on your own two feet and independent".

    her: "i dont know what to do.... can we be friends and if we occasionaly fall into bed together so be it?"

    me: "i really dont want to discuss this over text. we can hang out one night this weekend and talk about this"
     

Share This Page