not sure what point of thread is.... just feeling like typing this out. do as you please with it my ex's sister, who through our RS became a good friend, is moving. she decided to have a get together friday and saturday. i was tempted to avoid both days but would have felt like an asshole. so i skipped out on friday and decided to hang out saturday (initially was going to be beach but took a mutual friend's boat out instead). havent really spoken/texted ex in a while. she texted me thursday asking me if i was going out friday or saturday and i told her saturday i would. she replied "ok ill see you saturday ". i get to mutual friends place first. then the ex and her sister + another friend get there. we hug and thats it. as we wait for boat to be ready to go she is standing next to me. starts talking kinda close to me (nothing "lovey" just random ish). we get on boat. i sit. she sits right next to me. puts her legs on my lap we get to place where we anchor down and she starts at this point making comments about my physical appearance (ive always been in decent shape. but since our break up have really been hitting the gym, watching my diet, biking). the time on boat through the day she would do things like slap my ass, grab my arms, etc... we get back to his place and i head to the bathroom, she follows me... comes in and breaks down crying. at this point she tells me how she loves me. she knows we dont need to be together but she cant help but love me. she's been on dates, compares all the guys to me. so on.... then comes my fuck up we had to go out later that night for more fun times for her sis leaving. i needed to go home to my dog, shower, change, etc... so did she bc she didnt bring a change of clothes. i ask her if she wants to ride back with me on way home in car she breaks down again. this time she said some stuff that really hit me. things that during out RS she would never admit to. some of the things: * i was not a good gf. * my identity was our RS. i had nothing going for myself. * i hate myself for finally admitting this to myself but i was using you. i was giving nothing to the RS and you took care of me. i hate myself for it and hate myself even more for expecting it from you. * after my DUI i felt like trash. i lost my job, got a new one making nothing, i had all these fees to pay. even though i know it happens i felt like scum. * ive realized that i cannot be happy in a RS, no matter how good ours was, bc im not happy with who i am. * ive made goals now. im moving out on my own (she lives w. her parents after leaving my place) by october, i will have paid off my DUI issues this month and will start paying you back, ive focused on my job so much that i got promoted and make a little more, love the people i work with. i feel like im on the right path but have a lot more work ahead of me. we get home and lay down to nap before heading back out..... of course that led to sex after it just laying down in bed with her and holding her pretty much felt... good .... she asked me; "so what is this? was it just one night sleeping together... or???". me: "i dont know. what i do know is that we cant get back together. no matter how i feel about you its not right". her: "i know. maybe one day when i get myself together and instead of you being my identity we can complement each other". me: i didnt say anything. just smiled, held her, and we fell asleep. i gotta say im pretty proud of her for admitting those things. also glad that she is realizing that she needs to get her shit together, stop being always broke, and that she is starting on that path. today we have not texted each other or anything. thanks for listening. i really have no idea why i felt the need to post this. maybe i just need some hugs.