SRS Dating Someone I Cant Have

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SpeedLaci, Jun 5, 2005.

  1. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    :bowdown: Ok guys this should be entertaining to read but it sucks for me so I need your help! here it goes.

    Two years ago I started a job. Over the first month alone I found myself flirting with my boss. It was very good looking and much my type. He also started flriting with me. We found ourselves staying 2 hrs after closing just to talk. But he wouldnt do anything with me since i was underaged. One night he called me and invited me out for pizza. we went. to make it short at the end he asked for gum and me being a flirt put it on my teeth and asked him to get it. we kissed and it all started there. Heres the bitch! HE'S MARRIED! i didnt mean to fall for him . its almost like i couldnt control myself to flirt with him it just happened. 2 yrs this month we have been romantically in heaven. He has a hard home life. Unloving wife ..one beautiful daughter. job is on the rocks..i no longer work with him.. but anyways..we see eachother 2-3 hrs a day or sometimes spend the day together. we have an amazing sex life. such passion. and we are simply inlove i mean..i cant eat sleep or breath without you kind of thing. But it has been weird. He doesnt want me dating anyone else. He asks where I am what i am doing etc. its like we are dating fully except when he goes home. His wife is phsyco though she checks the call he makes everyday etc so we have to be careful. His home life sucks.. he isnt happy..he has been married for 5 years and the only reason he is staying with her he says is because of there 3 yr old daughter. whats worse is she just got pregnant again so they have another one coming. If thats all not confusing...im 19 and he is 36 so thats a bigg difference. his whole family knows about us..all my friends do and some of my family. I mean its like we are dating. And for a while i thought it was just sex with him but its not..sometimes we just stay talking etc...but he has never once said he is leaving her.. she threatens to leave her but that it. when he told me she said that he said i wouldnt care if she left me you are the only person i care about. i mean we are madly inlove. But lately all we do is fight because we are getting frustrated not being together. He gets mad that I go out and drink etc... which i wouldnt do if i had him!! we get soo frustrated!! and i know i should move on.. im so young and have so much to live for... but he makes me want to be a better person. when im with him im good you know? but when not i go out and get drunk and be stupid. ..and nothing i do seems right iwthout him. but i dont want to try to make him break it off with her because i know his daughter and i love and i know its better for her if they stay together not to mention the one on the way...what do i do. Im seeing other peopl on the side etc that he doesnt know but its not enough they all bore me!..another issue is a trust issue he doesnt trust me or anything i am doing so he keeps asking me questions etc he is always hounding me about everything..i know its cause he loves me but its getting to the pooint where all we do is fight. but i cant bare breaking up with him i just cant. what can i do !! help me please im going crazy!!!i just moved out so no family i have a crappy job.. he is all that i have in my life that is good . the last time we broke up i tried coke..i mean i am nothing without him and i am scared of the person i would be without him. but i dont want to be responsible for breaking his home up you know? his wife is a nice person i guess i know her and she doesnt know about us but she just treats him horribly..we are perfect for eachother!! but we cant keep fighting like this but i cant break up with him!!! i hate love!
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    This is absolute horror ,you CANNOT and SHOULD NOT go on with this AT ANY COST!!!.

    KEEP YOUR PENCIL OUT OF THE COMPANY. Seperate work from private. That's a first , but you already gone into this relationship. If anything you should let go of this guy immediatly, for the sake of the love of his daughter, you have to end this relationship right away. Is it love, to hurt his wife like this by , is this love to hurt his daughter like this, is it love for yourself to take someone elses family life away, by making claims that 'his' wife doesn't love him?

    You are the widge that is tearing the people in that family apart. Ok sure there is a lack of love in his family, but that doesn't give you the right to drive a widge between him and his wife and start hammering on it because of your purely selfish, untolerable and horrible actions?

    The only GOOD between you two is when you break up with eachother. And that you find yourself a 'single' guy who is available for you , and getting rid of your cocaine addcition
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Laci, the only thing i can do is Lash out at your relationship, it is wrong what you are doing and that is what is giving you such a feeling of unease and misery.

    How can i put this as clear as possible ' Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery'
     
  4. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    whoa man.. no cocain addiction. did it once just to try it .. and used it as an example to show what i do when i am not with him...and as for the love of his wife she repeatedly yells at him that she doesnt love him!!!.. and i repeatedly said i know for the sake of his daughter thats why i dont ask to break up with her because of the kids..its easy to see i should leave him but i dont know how! and right now its not in my best interest no in his. because when fights with her and im not around he goes out on drunken rages where he can really hurt himself
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    That being said, how can you go on with this without God frowning at your actions? Without you yourself feeling miserable, why do only drugs and making other people's lives miserable give you a kick? , you see, the love that you feel is only a blur in front of your eyes making you think you two are having a wonderfull thing, while in reality YOU ARE DESTROYING PEOPLES LIVES. Without respect, and violating this families livelyhood in which you HAVE NO PLACE, you HAVE NO RIGHT to intervene into this mans live. Your continues exuses against yourself, against him and against his wife , the ludicurous justifications are the pillars of the hell that you have created for yourself,him,his wife, his daughter, his family and friends. How can you even face yourself in the mirror knowing that you are ruining these people's lives? Therefore i hold up to you a sign ' YOU MUST LEAVE '

    I have nothing more to say.
     
  6. Agreed.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well, the Asylum is generally supportive and non-judgemental, but on this issue, I must speak.

    I can still offer guidance (if asked for) but what you're doing is WRONG.

    Oh and the "psycho" wife who checks his calls every two hours? Why is she psycho? She would be if nothing were going on. But her husband is secretly fucking a 19 year old girl and stringing her along to boot. To me, the wife has ample justification to be suspicious.

    Your story of how you met and flirted and kissed is lovely, well, it would be if your lover weren't married. The age difference, I feel, is somewhat irrelevant.

    Honey, I feel really sorry for you. You've shit on yourself, and you're gonna get your heart broken REALLY BADLY.

    Newsflash: he's not gonna leave her. He's not gonna get divorced. If at some future point in time, they do divorce, it'll be because he can't stand her. Not to be with you. There's a difference there. A huge one.

    Hey wait. Your name isn't Amy Fisher is it? I'm only semi kidding. Don't pull an Amy on his wife. Tell Joey we said hi.

    PS. Oh, and one last thing. DO NOT GET PREGNANT.
     
  8. Absolutely agree.
     
  9. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I tried looking for a positive angle on this but I can't. Disregard the religion stuff in all this and it's still wrong on all levels.

    Quit it. Stand on your own feet. Don't depend on this guy to be complete....and don't depend on taking drugs to patch your feelings over either. Continue on this path you will be a wreck for the rest of your life.

    This guy does not care for you no matter how much you want to believe it. There's only one thing he's using you for.... pen dipping as others have put it.
     
  10. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :bigthumb: but of course i'm gonna agree with you ;)

    bolded the part that needed to be stressed!
     
  11. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    As for the pregnant thing.. thats just it i just might.. im late and that scares the hell out of me. Im completely against abortion but at the same time it would be so unfair and unjust to bring up a kid in this given situation. God dang this is frustrating. I always want what I cant have.. but once i get it i dont want it anymore. i get bored thats probably why im so attracted to him...we arent talking right now for given issues..in other words broken up but that doesnt mean anything for us. i cant stop thinking about him i try to distract myself but nothing seems to be working.. please help :(
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Stop looking at the things you don't have, look at the things you do have an start appreciating them.

    How can you be completely positive about adultery and against abortion at the same time? Girl, you need to straighten out your etnic rules right away. You might have to kill someone as a result of your action on top of this :( .Look , it all depends on if you are able to provide the child with a decent future, if that's not the case i would not have it or even more humane i would set it out for adoption. There are people out there who'd give their lives for your baby, i despise putting a child in a foster home, but if you have the choise between killing and a ray of hope i would choose for that ray of hope. And don't you DARE to use this child as a way to black mail your boss.

    You know in life this rule applies ' you can always watch, but you can never touch ' . You already have so much in life, why aren't you enjoying these things. Its a bottomless pit , you could get anything you want, but what's the use if you throw it away like a baby and constantly search for new stuff that you want which in its turn you will throw away too?

    You are throwing away his life, your life, your baby's life, his wife's life , his baby's life. What kind of manslaughter party is this? :hammer:
     
  13. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Man that 36 year old is probably loving this. Break it off baby the man is married don't help ruin his wife and kids lives.
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2005
  14. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You are fucking evil. Thats okay, you're young and just learning to weild your sexual powers.

    Focus on what a terrible person you are, and just DO NOT contact him ever again. It will get easier in time.

    If you're pregnant, remember that you probably don't believe in breaking up marriages either. Abort the little fucker while you still can. RU-486 or whatever.
     
  15. I think he already did that himself. :hsugh:
     
  16. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Shit, left out a word. edited
     
  17. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well, your life just took a left turn. Way left.
    One that I'm sure in your young 17 year old mind, you never dreamed of.

    Look ahead, look waaaay ahead, say 10 years....

    You could either be smarter, wiser and successful (moreso). You live in a nice little house with a beautiful garden. You occasionally think back to 10 years ago when you got preggers by that married guy. Sheesh what was I thinking!?! Luckily some dude "Peyomp??" mentioned something called RU486..

    Luckily you got out of that one and it woke you up. Got things turned around. Met this great guy who was just a year out of law school. You finished school, got married to him, and are expecting your baby in June. The baby's room looks great, ohhh, hubby's home, you just heard the distinctive sound of the BMW pull up in the driveway.

    -- OR --

    You could be living in a trailer or low rent housing in the San Fernando Valley.
    You sit in your kitchen, looking across the chipped formica tabletop, over at your bratty 10 year old kid running around like a hellion, screaming and throwing another tantrum. He's adhd, by the way. You haven't the money or resources to get proper help. So the tantrums continue.

    The squalor is suffocating you, and you have no one to turn to, no one to help. Mr Married Man never did leave his wife, he denies its his baby, he denies even knowing you. His marriage is shot to hell (always was) but they're staying together "for the kids". You suspect he's fucking a new 19 year old. You're on the "discard" pile, being 30 now. Fuck it. It's fucking agonizing being ME. Why why why why.


    It's your choice. Choose carefully.
    Open your eyes girl. And close those legs while you're at it.
     
  18. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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  19. SpeedLaci

    SpeedLaci New Member

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    i want to leave him i truly do i know what i am doing is wrong.. and wrong for my future. and right now that i am brkoen up with him it is sooo hard. i dont know what to do. and like i said before i am finding myself doing things that I would never do. trying coke like i said. i mean i lost my virginity to this guy.. and i have only made love to him. but im so scared now alone that i will just start hookin up with random guys to fill that void. i mean i have little of a fathre.. and i know i need the attention from a guy so if i dont get it from him i know i will turn somehwere else. and last night i was so depressed without him i just drank myself into oblivion . i dont want to be that drunk girl who hooks up with random guys for kicks.. i want to find someone.. someone like him :( but without him i just wont be a girl guys want....
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yep, tragically your case is textbook. No father figure in your life, so you displace those feelings onto attached older guys that are 'off-limits' to you in a vain effort to win affection.
    You are a perfect candidate to talk to a counselor. Seriously. That probably seems too 'grown-up' or wacked -- only screwy people go to counselling right? Wrong.

    You need to go. Before you seriously derail your life.

    You have father issues, possibly pregnancy issues, and if you just ditch this guy cold, you likely WILL start hooking up with random guys to fill the void.
     
  21. This wasn't entertaining, this was tragic and unfortunate. I wish I hadn't even come into this thread.

    First error: You don't shit where you eat. Work is meant for working.

    That's quite wonderful and all, but he's married. How can you live with yourself when you don't respect the virtue of something as simple as marriage? Clearly he doesn't respect it either, but justifying your actions because he's not happy, that doesn't make this "ok".

    Of course you couldn't help it. He deceived you just like he deceived himself. You fell for the same lie he did. He made a choice, and continues to make a choice each day he wakes to remain in a marriage that he's not happy with. He justifys his choice by using his daughter as the surface superficial issue of concern, when really the truth is he acts as a coward who preys on young girls from a position of authority. The fact that you're so incredibly blind to this fact is a testament to just how horribly tragic this situation is.

    She's unloving but he still finds the time to fuck her. Not to mention, he tells you how awful things are, but burries the hatchet even deeper by having "unprotected" sex. Let me guess, she told him she was using birth control and she conviently forgot to take it? Let's face it. He takes absolutely no personal responsibility for his own choices, it's that simple. Quite interesting really, don't you think darling? Haven't you come to the conclusion yet that the lies have brewed for so long that they've literally been transformed into what appears to be truths? He's controlling, he's a liar, and he created the circumstance he finds himself in. You too have created your circumstance. Your ignorance isn't your enemy -- your fear and your selfish choices is your enemy.

    Of course, do you really think he'd have had it any other way? Who else would have been naive to swallow his lies hook, line, and sinker? Certainly not an older woman.

    That's because he's not going to leave her, and he never planned on leaving sweetheart. He's not as unhappy as you might think, because if he was - he'd have left her. Why change a circumstance where he can have his cake and eat it too?

    No you're not. You don't even know what love is. Your love is based on two things: Two users have come together to take advantage of each other. Immature love says I love you because I need you, while mature love says I need you because I love you. You feel for him because without him you feel empty. He's your addiction, not your lover. You have no concept of what love is, because if you did you'd know that unconditional love doesn't use people, doesn't justify itself, doesn't control, doesn't deceive. Love hates lies, and it can't thrive where such awful choices are being made.

    Of course, without him you must fill your void with another addiction, right? Alcoholism is on the way sweety. You need to get into counseling, and change the course of your life before you do permanent damage.

    And yet while he makes you want to be a better person you're creating the opposite with your actions. With each decision you've made, the consequences of your decisions have become your reality. You don't like who you are, because who you are is currently someone who chooses poorly and then justifys those poor choices by excusing them in the name of righteousness. You think you're doing what's right, when in-fact every choice you've made is self-injuring you.

    You end it. You're not good when you're with him. You think you're good because you feel good, but you do it at the expense of everything that actually matters in this life! You feel good at his wifes expense, and that of your own character. Are you someone who sleeps with married men? Is that who you want to be inspite of knowing how selfish it is and how you're taking part in damaging other peoples lives? You're injuring others and yourself by continuing to lie to yourself. You must decide whether you wish to continue doing so, or whether I'm telling you the truth.

    People who are untrustworthy often don't trust. Notice a trend here? The fact that you see other people says a lot about the "love" you two share. What you two share is not love, what you two share in common is that your both users, and you're both selfish, and foolish. Now you may think this is harsh, but it is true, is it not? Do you not fall asleep at night questioning your own motives and integrity? Do you not feel that deep despair that creeps in as you find yourself alone with your feelings and thoughts? I know you're trying to do what's right, but I'm telling you that you're making serious mistakes and you're hurting yourself. If you want to do what is right and if you want to be someone who feels good about herself, then start doing things that you can feel good about! End this relationship right now.

    You must decide who you want to be. When you fear something, you give it the capacity to manifest in your world. Notice that everytime you've deeply feared something that it's often happened to you. To overcome these things you're experiencing you must be willing to lose it all in order to gain it all. I'm sorry that you're so scared of being without him -- but you must make a decision. Even if you don't make a decision, you're deciding - so choose wisely darling, and try to listen to some of us. We're not here to condemn you, we're here to help. I have condemned your behavior and choices - not you. You can rise above this, but only if you accept what I'm saying. You have the power to be someone very special and who is good, but the price you pay for that goodness and that integrity is you have to sacrifice the user, loser and selfish person you currently are being! Like that's really a sacrifice?!

    You already are partially responsible, however you can right this wrong now by denying him. You must be willing to be selfless and let go of everything you think you know and decide right now that I'm telling you the truth. If you take this risk I can tell you that it won't be easy, and that there will be pain -- but I assure you that the sacrifice you make now will yield long term positive results. If you choose to continue on this path, it will be your total and complete downfall. There is a point in which you can't turn back, and you're nearing it. You still have time.

    You're not perfect for each other. If you were, we wouldn't be having this discussion. You don't hate love. You hate fear, but you just don't know it. Fear is what has created all of these problems. You were fearful before he came along, and you disliked who you were before you even met him - that's how you fell into this mess. I'm telling you now: Peace is the deciding factor as to whether you're being who you really are. If you don't have peace, then stop! Do not proceed. Peace is sometimes the only thing you have in this life even when pain strikes, but when peace leaves you, it means you're doing something wrong and not being who you know you could be.

    You may be a scared little girl who feels empty inside without him, and if that's who you are without him - then that's "ok". I can accept that, and so can you! If you do what's right, you'll still hurt sometimes, but at least you'll begin the process of growing up and healing. You can't heal when you keep injuring yourself, and right now you're doing just that.
     
  22. Wrong doesn't begin to explain it. What you're doing is so sinful and damaging to yourself and others that it could possibly lead to your death. Take that how you will, but it's true.

    You must enter a support group. Seek counseling, and ask for suggestions. I would recommend you do this immediately.

    Your past helps explain why you are where you are - but it does not excuse you. Whether you intended to do what you've done or not, the results are the same. They are injuring you and very serious.

    No one can fill the void you feel except you, and this can only take place through recovery. I would recommend that before you develop even more addictive qualities [alcoholism, sex] that you take my advice and immediately change your ways. I know it's not easy, but is this easy? Is what you're dealing with now easy? You get the point.

    Don't prostitute your soul like you've done to your body. Don't do that to yourself. You aren't worthless, and you aren't awful - but what you are doing is awful, and who you're being is "worthless" when it contains nothing but destructive qualities.
     
  23. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Wow. Just.... WOW.

    Please don't throw your life away at such an early age. You obviously admit that you KNOW what you're doing wrong, yet you continue to do it. For 2 years... christ.

    PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. seriously. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.

    You're not worthless without someone... being with someone does not make worth... I know you're young, and count this up as one of those mistakes while you were young. It's hard for you to leave because of father issues, as well as this being your first real relationship, but its something you just have no choice over.

    Let him go... CHRIST let him go... you made it this far without his wife knowing, but just leave it at that... be glad you aren't the reason for a divorce and two kids having to grow up with seperated parents. Get out while you can. Quick.

    As far as what to do, don't turn to drinking, don't turn to drugs, that can only make things worse. Go back to focusing on the things you SHOULD be focusing on, school, job, whatever it is you need to move on. Don't jump into another relationship trying to replace what was lost, because that's only gonna make matters worse for you AND the next person because you're an emotional mess.

    Sort your shit out, and move on.
     
  24. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    In the short time I've been here, I've never seen it so unanimous :) Consider this a mental slap in the face and don't carry this on girl. Time to see what you're made of.
     
  25. What do you think addiction is, and how do you think addiction begins? Notice your words in bold, and that will tell you exactly why Darketernal used the words "addiction" - because that's what it *is*.

    That's really between him and his wife. It's not for you to be the judge, jury and executioner of their relationships.

    You don't know how because you don't want to know.

    You have no idea what's in your best interest. If you did you wouldn't be in this situation. The fact that he goes into "drunken rages" should be a reflection of just how far down the rabbit hole you've gone. The fact that you're attracted to someone who cheats on his wife and goes into drunken rages should be a wake up call to you.

    Do you somehow imagine that even if you did get your way and he did leave her that he wouldn't cheat on you too and find an excuse just as simplistic as he found for her? This isn't about her, that isn't why he cheats though it may seem that simple on the surface.

    Ultimately I don't really care about why he does what he does or what she's doing. The only one you can change is yourself, and you're clearly not going to do that.
     

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