SRS Dating co-workers...experiences?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PlatinumX, Dec 15, 2005.

  1. PlatinumX

    PlatinumX OT Supporter

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    Ive been working at this place for a year now and one of the girls in another dept I find attractive is making me question what work would be like if I did actually start dating her. Shes dropped hints that shes interested in dating/going out but her desk is right outside my office, so I'd have to face her several times a day when I'm walking in and out. Furthermore, while we talk and get along great as "friends", she is not the type of person that I could hold a long-term relationship with, for reasons some may see as stupid.

    To further complicate matters, she has been at the company for quite a while (~4-5 years, but is not in a position of management though) so she has close friends, who I also get along great with. If something were to go awry, I'm not sure if she would bad-mouth me to everyone in the office or leave the personal issues between us. Considering the company is only about 120 people and both of us know every single person in the company, it's concerning.

    Weve met up after work a couple of times but it has always been at a club or something. Nothings happened yet (partly because I didn't let it) but we're supposed to go back out soon...:noes:

    Your thoughts/experiences?
     
  2. Fox800

    Fox800 Fear Boner OT Supporter

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    Say things do happen...you end up dating/banging this chick...and things go down the toilet. Are you willing to endure the wrath of an angry female coworker, day-in/day-out?
     
  3. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Don't dip your pen in the company ink.
     
  4. PlatinumX

    PlatinumX OT Supporter

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    well, thats the unknown to me right now. I don't know what she's looking for right now, a fling or something more serious. Maybe after a few drinks I can get her to open up about it when we go out next time. She's kind of odd about it, thats why I cant figure out what she wants. On the one hand, I've seen her make out with her female friends (I've seen it :naughty: ) but then she tells me shes a "good girl" (no, shes not a lesbian, although if she *is* bi then that changes things :x: )
     
  5. waffler

    waffler Errrbuddy in this bitch get tipsy

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    dont even hint at her that you want to do something. it will only get worse
     
  6. bighey

    bighey Lurking since 2001

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    been there, done that... twice... trust me, it's not worth it.
     
  7. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Rule #1: Never go out with anyone you work with.
    Rule#2: Never break Rule #1.
     
  8. Laserbeak

    Laserbeak Remember kids! Be like Billy! BEHAVE YOURSELVES!

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    If I had to judge the situation strictly by what you've said, IMHO, you sound more concerned with the possible ramifications of the relationship going sour in addition to your co-workers finding out about you two versus doing what's necessary to have a healthy relationship between you two. If my understanding of your situation is correct, IMHO, I don't think it's going to work out, and the risk of this ending on a sour note is dangerously high due to this.

    :werd:

    If your interest level is mediocre at best, IMO this advice is by far, the best advice for you to follow. I know this strategy has helped me out a TON in the past when someone is interested in me, but I don't share those feelings.

    A couple of extra pieces of information I'd like to contribute:

    Unless you know that person incredibly well on a personal level, almost always is a person's personality completely different at work than it is outside of work. You could find that that really nice guy / girl at work can be a complete asshole / bitch outside of work. In my experience, when people are at work, you RARELY see their personality's flaws out in the open unless you're able to read people.
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2005
  9. PlatinumX

    PlatinumX OT Supporter

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    :cocked:

    I have hung out with her a couple of times outside of work, and from what I could tell, her personality hadn't changed much at all, except for the fact that she was way more flirtatious at the outside events.

    I was hoping for at least 1 positive comment but seems like everyone's really aginst stuff like this. I'll see how it goes, but if I come back here bitching and start a thread about how work is so fucked up because I screwed around, you all have the right to say "I told you so you dumbass"

    <----:Owned:
     
  10. SeaMack99

    SeaMack99 OT Supporter

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    May the force be with you cause your a better man than me:ugh:
     
  11. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    It takes two strong and mature people to make a relationship like that work, as well as a supportive employer. You both must have to have the kind of personality that's capable of completely separating personal and work life. If you're only interested from a casual standpoint or are not convinced that you'll see this girl for the long term, then listen to everyone else in this thread and run for the hills. One of you should change employers (or, at the very least, departments) before pursuing a relationship.

    If you think she's "the one", then go for it. I found the love of my life at work, and we still work together, in the same team. We've been dating for two years now... he moved into my place in June, and things are still going great. Here are the main things that make it work for us:

    - 100% communication. There is absolutely no room for "well, we don't agree so we're not going to discuss it". Everything is up for discussion, we always communicate how we feel, and we never go to bed mad, ever. You MUST have this kind of communication, because when you date a co-worker you're putting both your personal life and employment on the line. If things aren't working out you need to be able to discuss it rationally and either fix it or split amicably so that it minimally impacts your work life.
    - Supportive employers. Our employer is supportive of work relationships since they feel that their hiring process inevitably filters down to people with similar personality traits and it's only natural that those people would be attracted to one another. This doesn't mean that we get any extra leeway; on the contrary, sometimes it feels like we're in the spotlight. No matter how supportive your employer is, it's always a liability to date within the company because from their standpoint it's double the risk (One relationship fails and two employees are out of sorts... not to mention possible backlash at the office.)
    - Time and space to yourself. This is important - if you work and live with the person you're dating, you spend a lot of time with them - more time than in an average relationship. Sometimes it's literally 24/7. This can put additional strain where there's already going to be pressure. Do some things apart, both with friends and without, and make sure you have at least a corner of a room that is yours and yours alone, so that when you want to work on your hobbies you can do so without things being disturbed.
    - A job that doesn't involve constant interaction. There are days that once we walk in the door at work, we don't say anything to each other until we leave, and this suits us just fine. When we talk to each other at work, it's always work-safe and on topics that are work-related or friend-related (in other words, something we'd feel comfortable talking to other people about). No innuendo and no physical contact, period.

    Work relationships are double or nothing. The stakes are high but if you believe in it, it's possible. It's all about balance and communication (same as any other relationship, really). Just know that if you fall, it's not going to be pretty (your breakup will be on display at work and probably the talk of the office given your small company) and you won't be able to control her reactions.
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2005
  12. anonymous

    anonymous New Member

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    my thoughts exactly.

    I'm dating someone from work; we've been dating for 1.5 years. When we got into a "fight" a few months back, it was harsh. Everything was uncomfortable for me. Our company isn't that big either so even though we kept our relationship from our friends, they could sense the tension.

    Besides, you said yourself that you don't see yourself having a relationship with her so I'd just say find someone outside work.
     
  13. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    If you would not want a long-term relationship with her then there is no point in trying to hook up with her. Getting laid isn't worth making your work life miserable. The only time you should consider getting together with a co-worker is if you would want a relationship with them.
     
  14. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Don't dip your company meat pole in the company love hole.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well I have a slightly different view on company dating.

    Scenario 1:
    If you're young, and you're working in a non-career type job, say Walmart, McD's Home Depot, or your local crappy ass department store....then date away. That's part of the whole point of being young and working in the service sector. Fuck away!

    There is a local outdoor goods (hiking/backcountry superstore) store in my town that is somewhat legendary in this respect.

    I doubt there's anyone over 30 working the floor, and young bodies + free time + working retail (lots of slack) + copious amounts of weed = frequent hookups and the occasional orgy in the stockroom.


    Scenario 2:

    You've gone to school and busted ass getting a good job. You're in a career-type environment, and the serious money is just starting to roll in.

    In this case, DO NOT DATE in the company. Why fuck things over before the gravy train has even started rolling?

    Imagine if you were in a tight tight group of friends, then you fucked over one of that group. How uncomfortable is it going to be?

    If you're on the stable career track, just get your poon from outside the office.

    It's not hard, and unless you plan on marrying the next girl you date (HIGHLY UNLIKELY) then it's just easier for everyone if you don't have to see her sour puss every morning after she caught you stepping out on her. And it beats having to find a new job.

    Why mess with yourself like that? Take the easy way out. Work is for earning the $$$. So focus on work, earn the $$$, and go out at nights.
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    So, like... rule amended:

    If there is a name on your office door (and its yours), then don't cram your corporate sausage into a corporate receptacle.
     
  17. the slowness

    the slowness OT Supporter

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    I've done it atlest 4 times.Trust me man,it's not worth it!!!:o
     
  18. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    Just do it...when you're 80 years old and your dick doesn't work, you'll wish you had fucked more cute girls while you had the chance.
     
  19. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Yeah, Wal Mart greeters have alot of time to reminisce.
     
  20. PlatinumX

    PlatinumX OT Supporter

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    Yea, this would definitely be scenario 2. Only thing was that for the next couple of months another girl I'm "seeing" is out of country (shes not a coworker)...whats a guy to do for 2 months, ya know?

    Plus, like Quagmire said, I've never had a Spanish chick before "Ole" :naughty:
     
  21. PlatinumX

    PlatinumX OT Supporter

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    LOL, didn't learn your lesson the first 3 times? :bigthumb:
     
  22. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sweet! Your girlfriend is gone for two months, so you're going to bone the office hottie?

    That's just good old uncomplicated banging there. Who wouldn't pass that up.

    Go ahead. I predict trouble when the girlfriend returns, and you tire of the office hottie.

    But eh whatever. You're only young once. Its not like this is a capital crime anyways.
     
  23. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    :rofl:
     
  24. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Don't dip your hot, throbbing pen into the soft pink company ink, again and again and oh god again on and on and on until both pen and ink explode together, ink shooting everywhere, wash all the sheets, and panting, exhausted... together, dirty pen covered with ink.
     
  25. the slowness

    the slowness OT Supporter

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    No:hs::o
    Working with cute girls ftl:hs:
     

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