Dating a buddy's ex....

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by GTLifter, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    So a good friend of mine since middle school and this girl we went to high school with dated for awhile. Probably about 3-4 yrs off and on until our freshman year in college. Their relationship was always rocky but they always got back together very quickly after breaking up. I'm not to sure of the details of the final breakup but from what I have heard through the grapevine is he started treating her like shit and dating other girls behind her back while they were still together.

    Fast forward to now. I've always had a thing for her and supposedly so has she so a few weeks ago she invited me down to her Sorority's Semi-Formal (she goes to Auburn and I go to Ga Tech). We both had a great time and have continued seeing each other. My buddy is pissed as shit and wont even talk to me on the phone without hanging up. Last time we spoke he told me if I "pissed him off" the next time we saw each other he was going to kick my ass.

    That I am definitely not worried about. I'm about 4 inches shorter and have about 40lbs on him also back in HS we both wrestled and I could toss him around like a rag doll even though he had a weight advantage on me back then. He's not much of a fighter and I have a history of being a bit rough. But I really don't want to fight him because kicking his ass would add insult to injury.

    How do I get him to relax and stop acting like a child about me and this girl seeing each other? I have no intention of cutting ties with the girl because we really enjoy spending time together but he was a very good friend of mine up until about a month ago. Its not like I'm just using her for sex either but we genuinally enjoy each others company.


    OT how do I keep the girl and get my buddy back?
     
  2. jab1983

    jab1983 40/40 crew failure with less than 1 week to go...D

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    Ok all i can say is bros before hoes, with that said if he was not a close friend then it should not matter.

    If he had only dated her for like 1 month or 2 then it wouldn't be an issue but seriously if he was with her for years off and on, that should have been off-limits to you.


    If you can do this then it means he was not that close to you so you don't owe him anything. Bottom line is if he was your friend you should not have done this, but now that you did its up to him if he still wants to be your friend and you shouldnt try to make him act like nothing happened.


    You have to respect him enough to leave him alone until he is ready to talk to you if ever.


    sorry but as I understand it you just picked between them and I hope it's not something you regret later.:sadwavey:
     
  3. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    that's a shitty situation broly. if it was a good friend of mine i'd ask him prior to getting involved if he was ok with it.
     
  4. Achmiel

    Achmiel Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshi

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    fuck that. they aren't together anymore, she and you can go out with whoever you please.
     
  5. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    I see your point about wether we were close friends or not but I looked at it as they have been broken up for a while now. Also, I've had a thing for her for awhile and it took a lot to ignore those feelings because he was my friend. But this does question our friendship a bit or maybe I'm just an asshole. Hopefully everything blows over and things will work for everyone.




    I did call him before I went down to her semi-formal and thats when he started flippin out. I was orignally planning on just going as a friend and I told him that but we had a great time. It pissed me off that he flipped out before anything had even happened.
     
  6. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    That's they way I was looking at it but I started thinking about it the other day. At this point I have no intention of cutting it off with her to make him happy. Its not like he was the perfect southern gentleman and she fucked up.
     
  7. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Would you mind if he dated your Ex?(food for thought)

    Maybe you should have let him know first, then proceeded regardless of his opinion, since you werent asking him for his opinion, you would have been just telling him. I wouldnt have asked his approval, but if you intended to get with her either way, then you should have flat out told him.

    Me personally, I wouldnt date a current friends Ex, sloppy seconds, too much drama and too much on the line to risk. But, if you stopped being friends with him prior to getting with his Ex, then I would say fair game.
     
  8. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    I would have no problem with him dateing my ex, and I did call and tell him. So I'm not really worried about it at this point.

    They have been broken up for awhile and dated other people so I dont see it as sloppy seconds.

    I think I'm going to procced as planned and if he still wants to be friends then cool, if not oh well. He is the one letting a "hoe come between bros" not me, in my eyes.
     
  9. Proteus

    Proteus OT Supporter

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    :werd: tell him to grow the fuck up.
    Do you really need someone this fucking petty and childish as a friend anyway?
     
  10. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:


    I've know the kid for years but since starting college I havent gone home for the summer like he has so I see him about 4-6 times a year.

    He'll get over it and we can get back to drinking together like the old times.
     
  11. rhino

    rhino New Member

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    I made this mistake one time... never again would i date a friends ex. He is still unhappy about it after 5 years and I havent' been with her for almost three.
     
  12. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    rhino....well its to late now, the damage has been done....might as well enjoy the relationship while it last
     
  13. Oblivion

    Oblivion New Member

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    If i was going out with some girl for a while and when we broke up my friend started dating her it would be awkward as hell and i would be pissed.

    And Rhino, if you and your friend still hang out and he has held a grudge for that long, that's just fucked up imo, he needs to get over it....
     
  14. pakman

    pakman New Member

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    Ditto to what everyone said.. except a sorority girl? :ugh:

    Maybe it's me, but every sorority girl I've met was a materialistic slut.
     
  15. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    there are exeptions to the rule and of course "to each his own"...






    thanks for the responese folks...
     
  16. Injected1

    Injected1 New Member

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    Only an asshole would date a girl that a good friend of his loved in the past.. However, it seems you know this and just don't give a shit.. It's suppposed to be bros before hoes.. True friends are way more valuable than a piece of ass.. The only way this would be worth it in my opinion is if you and the girl are perfect for one another and this ends in marriage.. You would still be an asshole of a friend, but at least you get something out of the deal.. Most likely you'll fuck around with this girl long enough to lose a good friend, and then when yall split because you get bored or she cheats on your ass, you're minus a friend.. Dude.. You're dumbass... If I were that guy, I would kick your ass too.. My friends know better than that shit.. We actually respect one another's feelings... Oh, and to answer your question... You don't get to keep both.. The shit don't work that way unless your friend is a pussy and\or dumbass... :rolleyes:
     
  17. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    Maybe I'm just an asshole but I still think he is overreacting. If they ahd just broken up and I was sliding in for the rebound then I could understand his point. But fuck it, she's a great girl and we enjoy each others company so lets have some fun....you only live once.
     
  18. jab1983

    jab1983 40/40 crew failure with less than 1 week to go...D

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    Sorry guy but you knew how he felt before you did anything so he see's it like you fucked him over, which you did.

    If a friend asked me if its alright he went out with an Ex and I said no and he still did, then he wouldn't be my friend anymore.


    Had he said yes you'd be fine but I don't see this friendship making it:hsd:
     
  19. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Okay, I have been, and am currently going through, this EXACT situation (just I'm your buddy in all these stories, aka the one getting screwed) so I think I can help you with this a bit.

    To answer your first question...it might not be possible to keep the girl AND get your buddy back, or maybe to do either. You dont know how this relationship is going to work out with her, so she might not be in your life forever anyway (not to say that's a reason not to see what happens with her). And he may never get over it, may never forgive you, or most likely, may never trust you (especially around his girls) again. Worst case scenario, fastforward a couple years...and you lost both of them. That's about as bad as it could get.

    I would like to add to part of jab1983's first respone though. While it is true that you need to give him time to deal/get over this, and wait until he is ready to be able to talk to you again...don't make him be the one to find you. You essentialy caused the damage to the friendship (even though I know you think he's overreacting, etc) so it is your job to start rebuilding it when the time is right. Every time this has happened to me, at least 6 months goes by, and then the friend searches for me, finds me, and tries to pick things up again. Though it's taken as long as a year and a half before, this has happened every single time. And while our relationship is different, I am still friends with all but one (the one currently doing this) again.

    But like you said...what's done is done. I say just let the relationship play out, give it your best, let him deal with the crap he's going through, and just hope for the best. Maybe someday he will be the best man at your wedding, you never know.

    At least you had the character to TELL him, and give him a heads up instead of lying about it all. Though it's a crappy situation, as long as you kept him somewhat in the loop, and was/are honest with him, I think you did this the best way possible (not to say I agree w/ it at all...but hey I've been burned, but you did do it the best way it COULD have been done, I think)
     
  20. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    How long after they broke up did you start dating her?

    Anyway, unless you helped precipitate the breakup I agree with...

     
  21. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Have you ever considered for a minute WHY he's upset? It's clear that he really likes her, and is probably trying to get back with her. You say you don't care if he dates your ex, but it sounds like you are a lot more stable than he is. You also sound like you're over your ex, or otherwise don't care for her much. But what if your ex was the "one" and you were totally head over heels for her and would do anything to get back with her? What if you had bought an engagement ring and were planing on proposing? You've really got to understand that you're being rational about this and he's being emotional about this.

    Now the thing that you may want to think about is WHY did they break up and get back together. What it probably boils down to is that she likes the instability and excitement he gave her, but she did not like the anger he presented (a lack of self control) or something else. Irregardless of that, what this says is that SHE needs a lot of intellectual and emotional stimulation in a relationship. Now if you can give that, and are not some easy-going mellow guy, then things might work out. And if they do, let me be the first to congratulate you. But if things aren't going to work out then you've disrespected a friend and she moved on to some other guy. You get double screwed.

    You don't give many details about your relationship with her, so it's hard to really understand what's going on with that. If she's the one, then sure, go for it. But if she's just a fuck ... why bother? :dunno:

    Bottom line? It's a tough call. Only you can decide. But it seems to me that she thrives on the drama that is going on with her relationships. With him, and now with you causing problems with him. Is this the type of woman you want? A woman like this may cause other problems to keep her life exciting ... at your exepense. (Hard to say, though, I don't know shit about her.)

    Good luck, I think you're going to need it.
     
  22. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    Update:

    Me and my bud are back to normal. Also, me and the girl are still going great.


    Fuck the naysayers!
     
  23. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    did it not work out for them?....that sucks, I'm glad we are back to being buds...
     
  24. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    we'll see what happens...thanks for the warning.....I'm not to worried about honestly, I've gotten pretty good at dealing with drama as my sister is a huge drama queen.....just another day in the life of your truly
     
  25. redking

    redking New Member

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    If you guys are true friends, it won't be that big of a deal. If not, then ditch the "buddy". That would be someone you couldn't count on anyway.
     

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