SRS Dating 3 girls, can't commit to any of them..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SFA, Jul 4, 2006.

  1. SFA

    SFA This is what revenge sounds like.

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    (Cliffs at bottom.) Yeah, that sounds like a good problem to have, right? Well not so much with me. I've never just casually dated anyone before, I've always just jumped into a relationship, but I got dumped a month ago and the last thing I want right now is a commitment, because I'm not ready to get hurt again (yes I know I will be hurt more and worse in the future, just not ready to deal with it right now) and I just want to do whatever I want for a little while.

    I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm 23 and I'm dating 3 very different girls/women/females whatever you want to call them. :) One is 19 and an ex girlfriend, really intelligent, very very pretty, but has screwed me over in a past relationship. She is very churchy, and I am not, and that caused some problems in our past relationship. Her family didn't like me because I wasn't raised in the church, even thought I treated her better than she had ever been treated. She broke up with me because it was her freshman year in college and she was stressed, and couldn't handle a relationship. It's also weird with me having a career and her just getting started in college.

    Last Friday we went out to dinner, I had a few beers, and all those old feelings came back to me, and we ended up kissing, which is a big deal to her. I told her I liked her, but couldn't be in a relationship with anyone right now. She said that was fine, because she's scared too.

    Enter girl #2, 26, I work with her. She's older than me, which is pretty cool I suppose, she's more mature than the other 2. After girl #1 left, I called up girl #2. We went out and had some drinks at a bar, ended up making out, etc. I like her because we can go out and get drunk and have mindless conversation, but she's just OK looking. The fact that she works with me is what makes me very cautious about getting into a commitment.

    Saturday, I hang out with girl #3. She's my age, and we also used to date, back in november, she broke it off to get back with her ex. Pretty much all I do with this girl is get drunk and have sex with her. The sex is incredible, but beyond that it's really kind of boring. She's intelligent, she just doesn't have alot to say, and neither do I when I'm around her unless I'm drunk and we're talking about sex.

    So, I went on dates with 3 different girls in 2 days, and all of them want me to commit, even though they haven't come out and said so. As I've told my friends, if all 3 of them were combined that would be the perfect woman for me. :) Have any of you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it? This is really petty I know, but I just had to vent somewhere.

    Cliffs: I'm 23. Dating 3 girls, never dated more than one girl at a time before. 1 is 19, beautiful, intelligent, but has screwed me over in the past, her family doesn't like the fact I don't go to church every week, she's not a sexual person, I am. 2 is 26, co worker, can just get drunk with her and make out, the co worker thing is what makes me nervous about that situation, plus she's not as attractive as the other 2 girls. Girl 3 is my age, and we usually just get drunk and have awesome sex, but other than that it's boring. Having trouble balancing all 3, can't commit to any of them. What to do?
     
  2. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    Just do your best and have fun for a while...there is no need to have a serious gf
     
  3. Faghot

    Faghot We had one foot on the gas& one foot in the grave, OT Supporter

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    You just need to prepare yourself for the worst (if tehey find out about each other). Have fun being "single", there's no rush to comit to a serious relationship or any relationship at that.

    Sooner or later you might want to work on being honest to one girl and wanting to have a serious relationship with her. But that's only in the future for when you want to find a meaningful relationship. :)
     
  4. Placebo

    Placebo New Member

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    Just feel it out and end this BS asap. Try to look at the situation as rationally as possible and figure out which one you would best have a relationship with. Just make a decision soon before shit goes down.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Just have fun and don't commit to any. #2 sounds the best but the co-worker thing is something I learned a long time ago to stay away from.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Girl #1.
    You should stay away from Girl #1. She's an ex for a reason, and proven untrustworthy to you, meaning she doesn't care too much about you.

    Rating: Pass. Don't go back.


    Girl #2.
    Co-worker. Slight red flag, but it can work if the mojo is strong. In your case, I'd say it isn't. She was an after-relationship hookup, when the flesh was weak. Also the least attractive. If that wasn't important to you, you wouldn't have mentioned it. Therefore it is an important factor.

    Rating: Pass. For now. Be FRIENDS, no sex, no dating her. Intelligent conversations. Amusing evenings. Fun stories to tell.


    Girl #3.
    Sex is incredible. She's intelligent. Not much conversation, but you can work on that and see what's up there.

    Rating: Here's your sex partner. This is the girl you date, i.e. have sex with.



    Conclusion:
    You date Girl #3. Terrific sex, and least amount of issues (ex-gf, coworker). Don't underestimate the importance of physical attraction in a dating relationship. It can't solely be about light witty conversation.

    Soon you will figure out if Girl #3 has more depth to her (great!) ..... OR if she is intelligent and you fuck like bunnies, but you two ultimately have no deep and real connection to each other.

    In which case, it is time to move on. Possibly to Girl #2, but preferably to someone else with a less complicated situation.
     
  7. SFA

    SFA This is what revenge sounds like.

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    Thanks a ton for the responses everyone. Johan, I appareciate your rating system, that's pretty kickass. :) I think I'm just going to keep fucking girl #3, she doesn't seem to be too hard up on commitment.

    My most recent ex (not girl #1), the one who broke up with me at the start of June, called me today. She broke it off, realized she made a mistake a day later, but I was so mad, hurt, etc that I wouldnt take her back, although it wasn't just that stuff, she has a ton of insecurity issues that need to be resolved, she doesnt love herself, and i love myself, so it was hard to deal with. Over the course of the next few weeks she drunk dialed me and told me that if I loved her I'd take her back, she wants to marry me, and that she's just so miserable etcetc. Well it's been a few weeks since we've spoken, and she puts off like she's so happy, she's dating other guys, doing things she never would have done with she was with me, and it's driving me up the wall. I want her to be miserable still, because I am that damn immature about all of this.

    So, now I'm thinking about her, wanting to see her, wondering if it would work again. I'm playing right into her hands, it's hard as hell not to call her and want to see her again. I'm usually pretty good at disconnecting myself from relationships, but people keep telling me that I might be passing up something great. I'm done ranting, that is all. :)
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    "You're passing up something great" Why? You think you can never have 'great' again?

    You think you'll never have something as good as this ex again?

    Doubtful.... If it was really that great, you'd already be begging at her doorstep to be let back in.

    You're only 23. You'll find better.

    In the meantime, you have your mandate to get it on with Girl #3. If you are meant to be with this ex, your heart and mind will be drawn toward her despite the hot lovin from G#3.
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Arrange to fuck #1, #2, and #3 at the same time. Sodomize #1 while #2 licks your balls and #3 rubs boobs in your face. Then watch #1 and #3 go down on each other 69, while #2 blows you. Then break it off with #1, tell #2 you'll give her a call and bed down with #3 and try to think of something to say. If nothing occurs to you, call #2 for brunch.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Drink plenty of water the night before.
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Solid advice. Many a woodsman has been shafted by dehydration.
     
  12. SFA

    SFA This is what revenge sounds like.

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    I like this plan.

    Johan - I almost typed exactly what you said in my earlier post, but I was so tired I didn't. I completely agree with you. Thanks. :)
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I can remember when the term 'sex fiend' used to get a lot of play, maybe back in the early 80's or so.

    Anyways, enjoy, you sex fiend you.
     
  14. SFA

    SFA This is what revenge sounds like.

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    Collapse alert, idiot alert, weakness, whatever.


    Had dinner/drinks with the ex tonight, but didn't get drunk. All the old feelings came back, she's so much different now, everything I didn't like about her, the insecurity, the depression, all of that seems to be gone. I could go really in depth into it, but I don't feel like typing it all out.

    Told her I loved her. I do love her. Made out with her for an hour in her car after dinner. BUT, we are both in the same boat. She doesn't want to get back together immediately, and neither do I. She's very defensive emotionally, and so am I. But I can't help it, I love her. Fuck I'm dumb. I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do. Bed time.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It'll be easier to get over her if you don't see her. The choice is yours.
     
  16. SFA

    SFA This is what revenge sounds like.

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    I don't know if I want to get over her. These other 3 girls just don't amount to much now. But, I don't have to make any snap decisions right now. I'm going to think this out. I'm usually so good about disconnecting myself from these situations, but it's difficult right now.
     
  17. SFA

    SFA This is what revenge sounds like.

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    Update of sorts... Cliffs at the bottom.

    Saw the ex last night, broke down crying like a bitch. I love her so much. SHe broke up with me at the end of May, like the 26th, came running back the next day. I wouldn't take her back bc I said she "needs to love herself before she can love me," which is the truth, I can't be with someone who is so insecure and depressed all the time. I said some pretty mean shit too, because I have this nasty vindictive streak when it comes to stuff like this. I constantly reminded her that she's the one that created this situation in the first place, that it's all her fault, she's the one who hurt me. I just couldn't let that go. It made me so mad just thinking about it.

    So we really cut off contact for the next few weeks or so. About June 18th, she told me she wants to marry me, I just sat cold and didn't say anything, because I was so mad and angry still, I just couldn't get back with her. She gave me an ultimatum, saying that if I wasn't going to be with her I shouldn't talk to her at all, so I said OK, because no one gives me ultimatums like that.

    Fast forward to last thursday. We go out and have drinks, things went really well. I told her I love her and she told me the same. We made out at my house for about an hour, things were going well, I was happy, etc.

    Yesterday I called her and she said we should go do something today (Sunday). She called at about 1am Saturday trying to cancel. I broke down and lost it, cried like a bitch, begged her to just let me see her. She then told me that she's been on a couple of dates with another guy, and that he treated her like a queen, was really romantic, and that her standards have gotten alot higher since we were together. That killed me. I was never the type of guy to just show up at her door with a dozen roses, maybe I should have been.

    So I really started crying hard at this point, so she decides to come over, this is at like 3am, she lives 30 mins away. I asked her if she just wanted to see me totally broken like this, and she said that yes, she was coming over to see how broken and devastated I was. When she came over I got ahold of myself, but proceeded to tell her that I want to marry her, that I love her, I begged for her to just give me a chance.

    I live with my parents, mainly for financial reasons, and also because they live 1/2 a mile away from where I work, I come and go as I please, we get along real well, there's no good apartments near here, etc. I'm fine with it, because I know I'll be out in a year or two, I want to save up alot of money, I make about 40k a year. Well she tells me that she "wants to be with a grownup, not someonse who is going to live with his parents for 2 more years." My room also has alot of hockey crap hung up everywhere from when I was like 15, I've just never taken it down, she also dogged on that, basically calling me childish, etc. But, she ALSO lives with her parents, who don't like me because I gave her the cold shoulder when she dumped me. Her friends also hate me for the same reason. That seems so stupid to me. They're mad at ME because I wouldn't get back with her after SHE dumped me. What the fuck???

    So she left basically saying that this was alot to take in, she'd have to think about it. I know that inside she feels the same way I do, but she is listening to her friends/family and is scared to get hurt, doesn't think I can meet her standards, etc. Geez just typing this all out is helping me get a handle on the situation.

    I hate this, I do not ever just cede control like this over to a woman. I am totally at her mercy right now, she could string me along and fuck with me and be just as vindictive as I was to her, and I would take it, for a bit. I have given her all of the control, I feel so weak. I feel like all the pride and anger I had has really come back to fuck me over, because it got in the way of wanting to be with her again, because my feelings never really changed for her.

    She told me not to call her, but to send her myspace messages for the next few days. I fucking hate this. I love her so much, I feel like such a wuss right now. Hell, I am a wuss. Do I submit to her? Do I send her messages, or let her come to me? Ahhh what do I do?????

    Cliffs: Just begged my ex to come back to me, she dumped me at the end of May, begged for me to come back next day, I gave her cold shoulder, was very vindictive and mean. Now all of a sudden I've realized I let my pride, anger, and vengeful nature get in the way of being in love with her. I'm totally at her mercy right now. I am a little bitch, I cried like a bitch to her last night, she came over, I told her I wanted to marry her (she told me the same thing a month ago) and I mean it. She said not to call, only to myspace her for the next few days. Don't know if I should be totally complacent or just be distant and let her come to me. I just want her back.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I do believe someone mentioned that Girl #3 was probably your best bet, and that your ex's are your ex's for a reason. And that reason is not because you said some little comment to her.

    The reason is the way you two interact, which is why often times when ex's get back together, they quickly fall right back into old (sometimes nasty) habits and patterns.



    This one sounds very mean spirited. And you knowingly hand your balls over to her? That won't bring her back. If anything, it keeps her away. I can totally picture her mentally dismissing you with a derisive snort.

    It shows lack of confidence. It's the desperate act of a 15 year old with old hockey cards and memorabilia still in his room (as you put it).

    The only real play you have is to man up, not chase after her and make yourself into a prize so that she will WANT you.

    You don't get girls through coercion, even indirectly. You do it by making yourself into a desireable prize, so that she chooses you of her own free will. Anything else (money, gifts, cars, etc) is an illusion and does not last.



    All this other stuff, like handing over your balls, showering her with dozens of roses, serenading her under her bedroom window, etc...none of those things would make her change her mind about you, because all those ideas smack of the old you, the 15-year old version of you.

    Assuming you think it over carefully and still want her back. I'd think twice...
    And....You might find that after you've polished your self up, you might just be into a whole new class of girl. lively up yourself mon!
     
  19. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    Your only 23..
    Dump number one, dont even go for #2, keep getting laid by #3, dont get back with your ex.You might have gotten over your shit, but what about hers? What if during your break up , she went on a slut run.. could you deal with the fact she took on the soccer team?
     
  20. SFA

    SFA This is what revenge sounds like.

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    Well, now that I got all that shit out of my system...

    There's a new girl, we'll call her #4, old friend from high school, pretty much the same as #3. :) Watched some TV at my place and things went pretty much the same as they do with #3, but again, another girl I wouldn't date even if I wasn't hung up on my ex.

    You guys are totally right, I just, I felt so weak and all that stuff. The worst part is that I really used to act like this all the time, and it took so long for me to change and be strong and not beg for girls. I'm just going to keep on keeping on. I'd really like to meet some new women, I just make it difficult on myself, I'm sort of shy when I'm out at a bar/club/party. I don't have many friends now that I've moved back home from college, but that's another story for another post, tired of posting novels. You guys are awesome. Thanks!
     
  21. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    i'd agree with this ;)

    tho... it sounds like you have the perfect thing going. no need to be serious. you're still young :) be safe
     

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