SRS date advice? help!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by somethingstrang, Dec 26, 2008.

  1. somethingstrang

    somethingstrang Active Member

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    Ok so this isn't an actual date, but I'd figure it get people's attention..it's related.

    So this girl is kind of my friend who I met as my chem lab partner. We're not great friends - she's pretty cheery and outgoing while I'm more laid back and reserved. We're not close at all, I mean after all we've known each other for one semester, we just get along enough to be lab partners.

    So we find out that our hometowns are actually very close to each other, and she wants to hangout. So, being a guy who wants to do something out of my comfort range for my own benefit and not be a complete loser, I say sure why not. So we figure that this Sunday at anytime after 1pm would be OK for a hangout day.

    The problem is I'm not that comfortable with people I don't know too well. Even if I try to force myself, I simply can't be myself unless I'm close with that person. I know this is just a hangout, and we can just do whatever on the spot, but honestly, what is there to do? All I ever do is sit back and chill - I'm not like the outgoing spontaneous person she is. I need some sort of icebreaker that will make me comfortable, which in turn makes the whole situation fun instead of awkward and uncomfortable.

    any suggestions?
    Any ideas?
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2008
  2. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    I'd guess that you'd wanna put yourself in a situation where you can be the most comfortable... maybe a familiar setting like a favorite bar/coffee shop. Or some other place where you can focus on her and not necessarily worry about what's going on around you.
     
  3. somethingstrang

    somethingstrang Active Member

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    Haha, I don't think about her at all, so I can say that I don't like her all that much. I guess I like her a little bit since I'm willing to hang out, but maybe I'm just curious of what will happen between us since she's so insistent. I think I've gotten a little less nervous; I'm just gonna wait until it happens and we'll think of something to do at the spot...that should be half the fun right? Still I wouldn't mind suggestions in case things get quiet...

    I just want this to be a comfortable/fun experience. I hate awkwardness
     
  4. ChasenIS

    ChasenIS New Member

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    Throw your self out there, maybe the first couple of times it sucks an its awkward, but then again you fall many times before you walk.

    Gotta start some where.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You're already past the hardest part man. Now your goal is to not screw it up. Just show up, you know? She obviously liked who you showed yourself to be during lab -- were you being you? Then you continue that.

    I think you should tell her a little about who you are -- starting with exactly that. "I'm pretty laid back, I enjoy keeping things simple when I have fun." Who you are is enough, you know -- unless of course you think it's not, then you have some work ahead.

    If you like yourself and that you're laid back and have a certain way of interacting that makes you comfortable, then that's what I think will work. Be yourself, because those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter.

    What is your goal with this girl? What type of relationship are you looking for with any girl? I know you want to date her, but the way I'd behave on a date where I just wanted to get laid that night would be completely different than the behavior I'd express when I was searching for a long term relationship. When I'm aiming for the superficial, I have a system that is totally insincere (but they don't know that), and pretty far from who I really am.

    If you're searching for long term, my advice seems to get a lot of people from point A to B. Gotta become friends with someone (while showing interest intimately, i.e. light touching, shoulder, leg or showing her how to hold your guitar, pool stick -- you know, the typical gradual build up of interest -- showing you enjoy being closer as you find you like more about her.) -- but you do it slowly enough to see if she's right for you, and to see how she responds. These things should naturally happen in the course of spending time hanging out. Look for signs on her end. If she gets closer to you during talking, leans towards you whether in conversation or physically. See if she appears uncomfortable. That's also a sign she's interested. She might show some basic habit, like playing with her hair, or some other primitive habit of touching her hands.

    I like to think of a persons interest on a spectrum. One end is "Completely dislikes me. Middle is neutral, and the other side is Completely likes me" -- she'll know right away where she chooses to invest more time and effort into your time hanging out after the first few minutes -- even sooner. And so will you.

    Make a good impression by being the best of whoever you are and expose her to that. Do you like playing a certain sport, or play music? Do you enjoy music? Do you like shooting pool, or do you enjoy intellectual subjects, -- are you into chemistry, or science, or history, or perhaps any issue that winds your clock? Maybe she'll like talking about it. If you start talking and she reciprocates by saying "Oh me too!" -- look for those types of responses where you share similar ideas, likes, thoughts. You'll also find some opposites, and see if you tolerate them and don't mind, or...whether you're irritated by them and if they would get annoying.

    All signs to consider. You don't have to memorize all this, but you'll notice it just from having read this.

    There are activities that completely separate you from getting comfortable. Try to avoid things that isolate you from her -- such as watching a movie right a way. Find things that you can share and learn. Have a number of ideas in mind that you'd like to do yourself, and ask her some questions when you first meet. What are some basic things you like doing? Some will be isolating (things you can only do alone) and some are things you could possibly share. Maybe you'll go out for lunch to start as a general neutral place to begin learning about her. Does she like Italian? Mexican, Chinese, Steak, whatever No she doesn't like it, or says "Oh I don't care, where ever is fine" -- that's code for you to pick what you want to do.

    Also, she asked you to hang out, so don't be afraid to challenge her to make some decisions herself about the directions you take.

    Make sure to have an escape plan if you don't like her. You can pick one. I like to have a friend call me during the date to ask me if I'm having a good time or not. If I'm not, I just say something cryptic like "Oh....no, I'll meet you as soon as possible." (She'll think it's an emergency even though it's not, and you're not lying which makes it easy to do) Then you tell the girl "I have to handle a situation that has come up, I'll bring you home (or if she drove to meet you, say "I've got to go, I have to handle something that came up. I'll talk with you in class.) If she asks what is happening, say "It's a friend, I need to see him immediately."

    You can also set a time limit before you meet up -- such as "I've got plans at 4 p.m, so that'll give us a few hours.

    If you're having a good time just blow the plans off and hang out with her (You're plan isn't really a plan at all, it's just to go home and relax or do whatever you, but she doesn't know that).

    If you're not having a good time, stick to your plan and bring her home or end the date/hanging out.
     

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