Damn it... don't really know what I should do.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Reign, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I don't even know why I'm asking this, I know what the answer is going to be and I know what I have to do. I guess just talking about it maybe makes it better?

    Anyway, my GF and I have been together for 1.5 years, give or take a month or so. I care for her a lot but I don't think I'm in love with her anymore. I know I love her as a friend but lately I've just not really cared about anything. Certain things have come to light that make me realize I don't want to be with her the rest of my life. For one, she wants to move back to Florida when she's done here and I HATE Florida, I 100% want to move back to the southwest. Two, she started smoking again. She did when we first started seeing each other but we weren't living together then; she quit about a year ago but recently started up again. I have no desire at all to kiss her. Three, my mom has recently developed breast cancer and it's made me really realize that I don't want to live anywhere but close to back home. She hates the desert.

    Then there's a bunch of little shit that annoys me like...

    * She doesn't keep the room clean. Her side of it still has boxes, from when we moved, all over the place.
    * She's gained some weight. She's by no means fat but when she wears certain outfits now it just doesn't look good. That combined with she pretty much refuses to work out or eat well and yeah... (I'm a f'n health/workout nut...)
    * When we're at home all we really do is watch movies, or she reads and I watch movies/games, or she sleeps. We don't really even talk all that much anymore when we're alone.
    * We have sex rarely... I think in the past month, maybe month and 1/2, we've had sex twice. It doesn't help that it's in the same old boring ways too (i've said something about this, she started to cry...).

    I just... know what I need to do, I just don't want to lose her as a friend. Plus it's another couple months before our lease is up and I don't want to fuck one of us over by the other moving out (so timing definitely isn't right).

    So I guess what I'm asking is... are there any tips or tricks or anything to break up with someone but remain friends? For the record I've stayed friends with 0 of my Ex-GF's.
     
  2. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    Stopped reading here.

    You said it as your disclaimer. You know what to do. As hard as it is, it will be better in the long run for you and her both.

    Good luck.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well at least you finally realized you should break up.

    Stop worrying about breaking up and being friends right away. If that is your biggest concern and question you have it a lot easier than most people. Even though you feel you are not over her you will have to see if that changes when you break up with her and are alone. The mind plays tricks on you and for all you know in a month after the breakup you'll hear she's with another guy and go crazy and convince yourself you are in love with her.

    We still don't know how she'll respond to the breakup. If in the small possibly it is mutual then you most likely can be friends, but I doubt it will really be mutual. If she fights the breakup or is still obviously into you then being "friends" is bullshit and wont work ( at least not for a while). You'll have to move on for a bit and maybe talk here and there later.

    And if she wants to move so bad hopefully she'll take the chance and leave, so it wont be an issue and you can finally move on.
     
  4. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Trying to remain friends is hard and does take some work. The only case where it as been successful for when is we did not talk for 6 months, then one day on AIM she IMed me and we slowly developed a friendship over another 6 months. Now we have been good friends for a few years now.
     
  5. Timer

    Timer Guest

    I would tell her how you feel and work it out. Doing otherwise is dick. But, if nothing changes, end it.
     
  6. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    just do what needs to be done
     
  7. krazywulph

    krazywulph Guest

    I posted a thread and I'm in a similar situation. Luckily, I don't live with my GF, but your other descriptions of your relationship mirror mine pretty well. I don't know what to tell you man, it's so hard for me to pull the switch too, I still wanna be friends with my GF too :wtc:
     
  8. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    agreed.

    there's no magic way to remain friends with an ex. i believe you have a better chance of becoming friends if, once you break up, the two of you move on and go your separate ways. no random texts, phone calls, emails, chats, etc. you need to cease all contact for a while and move on with your life. breaking up with an ex is, in a way, grieving the death of a loved one. it's a lot harder to do that when they keep coming back from the dead, so to speak. ;)

    after a while, hopefully [can't say it will always work :dunno:] all those wonderful things that made you love them will have dissipated and you can start all over with a friendship :)
     
  9. PropositionMo

    PropositionMo New Member

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    I'm no professional, and lord knows I've got my issues, but I do know that when love walks out the door you should too. There's no getting that feeling back, and you shouldn't force it. It should be natural.

    If you don't love her, let it burn.
     
  10. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I think the hardest part about all this is that we kind of work together. Same place, Navy, and same department. However it's an aircraft carrier, there's 5000 people on here. I've gone days without even seeing her. This whole past underway I haven't spent any time with her besides like saying hi passing in a hallway. So we don't see each other a whole lot, and wouldn't if we split up, but it definitely could happen.
     
  11. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Working on an aircraft carrier has to be a fucking cool job.

    The best thing for the both of you is to break up. I know it is hard to but you have already said you need to do it.
     
  12. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    I say talk with her and explain your feelings. Let her know you love her but you're not in love with her (that's the impression I got anyway). It doesn't sound like you're looking to fight you just slowly grew apart from each other. This gives you both ample time to figure out what you're going to do when the lease expires and figure out new living arrangements so neither of you get screwed over.
     
  13. Nullius

    Nullius New Member

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    listen you can't have a relationship without being able to talk about all the nitty gritty. tell her there are things about her that have changed and bother you. there's a slight chance she might change back for the better, and if so awesome you've kept your friend and gotten your girl back. if not then that's the line in the sand and she knows that the consequences are.

    i'm not saying just come out with it like, "you're fat, i hate it that you smoke, we need to talk about locations if we're gonna stay together, and hit the gym fatty fat fat."

    sit down and have a discussion about where your relationship has gone and the people you're becoming. if you can get her to realize what she's becoming and you two truly are moving apart then maybe you can come to a mutual agreement that you should only just be friends, and thus keep the friendship.... *shrugs* try it
     
  14. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    wtc everyone is fallin out of love and breaking up :wtc:
     
  15. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    it sounds like you two are just changing and growing apart, and so the best thing is to just break up and move on.

    i still think its only fair that you are honest with her about how you are feeling. if your lease isnt up for 3 more months, sit down and talk and see if there are things you guys can work on, and if at the end of the 3 months they are not better, hopefully it will be easier for you both to move on

    as for staying friends...she has to want it too. the friends i had stayed ex's with only cause trouble so I'm not sure its always the best idea, but if you have the possibility of seeing her at work, it would be good if you two could at least stand to be in the same room and be nice to each other
     
  16. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    except for those of us who are engaged and getting married
     
  17. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    because... ;)

    "everything that has a beginning has an ending. make your peace with that and all will be well." --- buddha

    one of my favorite quotes. it's sad and very true.
     
  18. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    So this past two week underway we barely talked at all. I saw her in the passageway a couple times and said hi but that's about it. I won't lie, other than trying to figure out ways of not hurting her if we break up I didn't really think about her. Didn't really miss her or anything. When ever we would used to hang out when we were underway it would mostly be her getting bored and reading a book while I pretended not to want to do what the other people/friends in my shop were doing.

    I'm pretty sure we're not on the same page unfortunately though because she's all lovey dovey and saying "I missed you" and things like that. I haven't really said anything like that back, but her saying it is not making things ANY easier. A friend of mine said if we did break up that I could rent/stay in one of her rooms (she insisted I wouldn't need to pay anything, but I would feel bad), but it seems like the best option.

    Then, to add a little bitter to the last option. My friend has a friend who thinks I'm really cute. I think her friend is really cute, we've spoken a couple times and I share a lot more in common with this girl than my GF. I've also been told that she really wants to hang out with me. As nice as this is, I doubt it would be the best thing for me trying to remain friends with my current/Ex GF if I immediately started dating someone else. <sigh>

    I also have another option of staying on the boat, but I hate that option and I have positions that I would need to store somewhere (not the biggest issue, but still).
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    What're you waiting for? Break up already.
     
  20. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Wait... are you saying that you won't go for this new girl because you want to stay friends with your ex, but feel like it would make it awkward?

    I say if you think you are ready to move on to another girl, then don't push the new girl away, especially if you think you have something there.

    And I think as with most people in here will tell you that trying to remain friends is a big no no and doesn't work.

    The ex's I became friends with, it only happened months or years later, after everything was all said and done, we both moved on, and our feelings for each other were gone.
     
  21. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    never stay friends with your ex's immediately. Just doesn't work.

    Give it some months then maybe start talking again. If you keep on seeing them "as friends" straight away it will end badly. You will end up back together and in the exact same spot as where you are now.
     
  22. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    truth.com
     
  23. Timer

    Timer Guest

    So what if the girl dumps the guy and the guy still likes her but the grounds on which she ended it weren't bad (relatively speaking - wants to experience school since always in a relationship, stronger feelings one way)?
     
  24. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Damn it... this is the worst part because I'm pretty sure we aren't on the same level. I guess I should talk to my friend and see the likelihood of me being able to stay with her because i don't want to just move out and completely screw my current GF with the rent. I'm more than willing to continue paying it or do something for compensation but.... ugh, this is gonna be such a mess.
     
  25. werdna167

    werdna167 New Member

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    ya I know what you are saying about wanting to stay friends, I just got out of a 4 year relationship but it wasnt under the same circumstances. We both realized we were going different directions in our life and decided it was best to end it now before something stupid happened and it went down in flames. We are still very good friends and talk often but have both done our part to move on.

    I am not going to say you can do the same but it is more than possible if you talk about it with her. I am going to say it again TALK ABOUT IT WITH HER. Heck even that could spark something new between the two of you.
     

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