SRS Daily life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by registeredPORK, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I sometimes get depressed when I think at my life currently. I feel like I should be forward in life instead of where I'm currently at right now and I don't know why. Maybe it's because of expectations that people had for me and all the 'potential' they saw in me.

    Just a little background, I went to Culinary school but the situation that I was in didn't allow me to finish (you can read that here. I tried going back but couldn't because my loans wouldn't go through and even then, the school didn't contact me about paying the tuition that was needed to be paid and so when I called them a few weeks after the quarter ended, they practically said that they tried contacting me but lied about it. I know, their words against mine and blah blah, etc... so right now, I'm just saving up to go back and finish and get my degree. I'm in now 43k in debt, and by the time I finish paying everything off, it'll come to 63k that I've paid in total. Thinking about that depresses me, especially since I never got a degree out of it.

    I feel like my whole entire life will be trying to get a piece of paper so the world can see my worth and my skills. I feel like every day I wake up to do the same thing, try to reach the same goal, and struggle with whatever life comes at me that day. I can't find an opening in life where it allows me to see some sort of hope.

    Sometimes I think of death being just easier. I know, it's the easy way out and etc...

    I know that the struggles in life makes it life and sometimes worth while to live but at the moment, I can't really see that. I can't see myself living day to day and being content with the mediocreness of it all. I don't want to live life that's a routine that has been embedded in my brain. I don't want to have to grow old living with that routine.

    Fuck, I don't even know what I want to do in life. I feel so lost, and I don't know what to do or how to start. I don't even know what I want to be.

    Maybe I just need to ride the tide ... :sigh: :hs:
     
  2. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Ride the tide indeed, with me, I ran into a smaller version of what you're talking about. I never got my degree, 20k in debt and now I work making 17 bucks an hour in a corporate call center waiting for me to say something wrong so they can off me any second. I sit and worry all the time about what i'll do, what's my plan etc and I remember worrying myself to the brink of Moving out of State... and I did.. I left everything, and now im back 4 months later doing the same damn thing.


    It's difficult to deal with, it's all perspective I guess, life sucks.. and then you die, it has it's moments though.


    I have a little step brother who im 5 years older than, never really got along with him.. now he owns a huge company and has almost a fleet of vehicles.. I struggle to keep mine running..

    It just sucks, especially considering people look down on you, have high expectations.. eventually you'll just become numb to it and just kind've ride the tide. What's that saying... he who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.

    Or something, yeah.. that's about right.
     
  3. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I sometimes feel like there's something better waiting for me out there but I don't even know what to do with myself. I hate it because sometimes I just can't get it out of my head. It's like, these thoughts have been ingrained in my head since I was younger.

    My parents always expected so much out of me because I did so well in school but look at where I'm at. I feel like I'm not even moving forward when I really want to. I feel like I might be stuck at where I'm at for the rest of my life and honestly, I don't really want that.

    And I hate my friend because he gloats about he's the only one out of our group of friends that has an actual degree in something. So fucking what? You graduate from college, and believe you're worth what that piece of paper says. Good for you?

    Sometimes I feel like I'll never be able to find my niche in life.
     
  4. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    There are times when death crosses my mind.

    Sometimes it's visually appealing to me.

    If life is going to be how it is now, just in different patterns, and in different parts of life, what's the point? I can still make a change here and there but overall, it's still going to be the same.

    Maybe I'm just bored with myself. I dunno.
     
  5. mayfield

    mayfield New Member

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    Did you learn anything while attending the culinary school? if so, what do you think about opening up your own place?

    I do not really know too much about starting up a business or the food/culinary sector but i think you could do it! I have read alot of your posts across OT and you seem like a very intelligent person with alot of personality and drive..with money being your only limitation.. you are not only. I feel like i can totally relate to you.

    Do you plan to go back to school? have you considered changing states?
     
  6. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I learned plenty in culinary school. Wouldn't want to open my own place up yet. That requires finances that I don't currently have and no, I don't want to get a loan.

    I plan to go back to school but I don't think anytime soon. It's going to take me 20 years to pay off that 43k loan... and honestly, after 20 years of doing that I don't know if I would want to or not. I don't think I'd want to move out of state. I feel comfortable where I'm at location wise... just wish pay was higher.


    I guess I just want to stop feeling the way I do. Depression sucks ass :(
     
  7. mayfield

    mayfield New Member

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    depression does suck ass..and so does being in debt.. I will be paying off my school debt for the next 5-8 years.. but its just another bill to me..it does seem like forever and it helps that i have learned to be patient..I was once laid off..i felt like shit that day..what did i do? i kicked myself while i was down by thinking about my long-term debts and other faults..it's hard to not get upset or depressed about being in debt expecially when you dont have anything to show for it...it does get better..
     
  8. Victoriono

    Victoriono New Member

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    What are you doing to solve this? I bet you're just passively letting the days go by. Go out and try new stuff, get new hobbies. If you don't know which ones that will suit you, try everything! Read books, educate yourself with whatever you're intrested in, if you hate your friend/s, get new ones, start exercising.

    Right now it just seems you are focusing on the negative things in your life, thus you're unhappy.

    Everyone is feeling down from time to time, but you need to man up and start to take responsibility for your own life. No one else is going to do it for you.

    :wavey:
     

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