SRS Dad's an alchololic

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Golferrrr, Jul 11, 2006.

  1. Golferrrr

    Golferrrr Best. irons. EVAR!

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    My father is an alcohlolic, I've had a lot of things happen to my because of this and I have know for about 5 years. I hadn't talked to him for about 8 months (Parents are divorced). I went on a trip w/ him to try and patch things up. My dad said he had been in A A, and he had not been drinking for a few months. Then the next day he got really drunk while I was talking a nap. He proceeded to call my mom a fucking bitch, and do a lot of other shit. I told my mom about this after I got home, she wants me to go to alateen. I'm not sure if I should go, maybe he hasn't affected my life enough? Some people get abused my alcoholics, and none of that happened to me. Should I go?
     
  2. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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  3. mrscruffles

    mrscruffles New Member

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    it can help definetly, my moms a drunk and it sucks ive been six months sober on the 13 of july and i live with her its a hard thing to stay sober when you have a drunk in the house with you, its to the point that i have to talk to her about somthing important i have to call her at work if not there is not point in talking to her.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I think you should definatly go to ala-teen.
     
  5. selfpollution

    selfpollution New Member

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    If I were you, I would tell you're Dad to clean up if he ever wants to have a relationship with you, period. There isn't really any point in having one otherwise. He's a grown man, if alcohol takes priority over a relationship with his son then you are better off without him, unless he starts acting like a Man and a Father.

    He's the drunk he's the one who needs to be in meetings.
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    To the OP...ignore this post.

    It shows a complete lack of understanding of the disease of addiction/alcoholism.

    Alcoholism and drug addiction are a family disease and they affect everyone that's close to the alcoholic/addict. That's the very reason programs like Alateen and Alanon exist, becuase it's not just the drunk who's life is touched by this horrible disease.
     
  7. Golferrrr

    Golferrrr Best. irons. EVAR!

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    Thank you all of you guys...I really think I'm gonna go now. I just get nervous in front of a lot of people.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I can totally understand. I was VERY nervous when I went to my first AA meeting but it's not that bad at all. After a week or so, I started to really look forward to going. After a month I had a bunch of new friends and it was really fun going.

    Now, I love it. It's a huge part of my life.
     
  9. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    Then just admit that you're nervous. People will understand. It's better you do what you need to do for yourself rather than keep getting what you've been getting
     
  10. selfpollution

    selfpollution New Member

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    I understand the disease theory just fine. I think it is crazy and in fact, irresposible that based on this kid's post you would tell him that he should definitely go to 12 step meetings.
    He doesn't live with his father, he doesn't feel his father's drinking has affected him too much and his dad is the drunk, not him. What the hell is the point of him taking moral inventories and searching for god and serenity and all that because AA is apparently proving unsucessful for his father?
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Irresponsible??? Not even close to being irresponsible. And just so you know, I take addiction and alcoholic issues very, very seriously. I've been sober for a more then a few years now and I offered my suggestions with the desire to be helpful to the OP who is asking for help. I know a fair amount about addiction and recovery and that's why I made my suggestion.

    Alanon and Alateen are first and foremost support groups for those loved ones of alcoholics. THEY ARE NOT TO SOBER UP TEENS. Alateen is NOT AA for teens. It's not there to help teenagers get clean and/or sober. It's there to help teens deal with a raging alcoholic in their lives that is NOT the teen....but someone they love. Perhaps you misunderstood what Alateen is all about.

    Part of the attraction and benefits come from meeting and talking with other people that feel the same or have experienced similar feelings.

    When the OP says things like:
    It is quite obvious that alcohol HAS affected his life. He actually went on a trip with his father where his dad got drunk and called his mom a bitch. Those sorts of things are very difficult to deal with and they do NOT happen in a vacuum. In other words, his fathers may be the one drinking but the son is the one left to sort out what is happening and why he's having all sorts of feelings associated with this trip. Alateen can help.

    Yes, I know his dad is the drunk. If you would read my previous posts, you would hopefully realize that alcoholism is a family disease. Even if his dad doesn't live with him, the OP is still being affected by his past action and or his fears about his future actions. It's a very difficult mix of emotions and there are others that have been there that can help.

    There can be great healing in shared experiences. Others that have learned more about the disease can share with him about their experiences, strength and hope. They can be there to listen to him, cry with him, help him through these difficult times.

    Remember, Alateen IS NOT AA for teens!

    I'm not going to say anything about how or why Alateen works because I haven't worked that program. For me to answer this question would be irresponsible.

    What I do know...is that alateen helps teens that have been affected by the disease of alcoholism....a disease that affects the whole family.
     
  12. Golferrrr

    Golferrrr Best. irons. EVAR!

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    Thanks for trying to help, but I don't think you understand. My dad has put me, my mom, and my sister through so much stuff it's sad to think about. He told me he was going to kill himself, twice. He actually told me he would drive his car off a cliff, and cited a specific area. He has driven me and my sister home and just around town drunk, countless times (1 hour drive).For one year, he made me and my sister keep my new brother a secret from my mom. (May sound dumb, but when it all came out, my mom had serious trust issues with me). He didn't pay child support this month, and my mom has to pay the morgage, and we don't have enough money.This is only a few things on a MASSIVE list ways he has affected my life, because he's and asshole, coupled with his alcoholism.

    I know I said that I didn't feel like he has effected me enough, but after doing some deep thinking, I know that he has, and I know he won't stop until he realizes what he is doing. All I can do now, is try to help my self, and hope that he doesn't do anything to my 4 year old step brother, my 9 year old step sister, and my 2 year old brother.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Exactly! Which is why I suggested alateen.

    Many people find it difficult to understand that the family of an alcoholic is just as powerless over alcohol as the alcoholic. In other words, you can't force your dad to get sober, you can't fix him. This is also one of the truly frustrating and heartbreaking aspects for the families to deal with.

    However, you are not without options and I hope you find alateen helpful. If it's not meeting your needs perhaps you should try alanon as sometimes they have more experience in dealing with these issues. You are correct that you can take care of yourself regardless of what your dad chooses do to. In my opinion that's all that you really can do is take care of yourself. I pray that your father finds the help he needs either through AA or some other source.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Personally, I think others have posted good reasons for going. I originally read your post and had a simpler answer. which was:

    You might as well go and give it a try. If it doesn't help, you're probably no worse off than now, and if it helps, then it helps.

    And for the poster who said that he shouldn't need to go....you know that support groups exist for those who have diseases/disorders/conditions, and also for those who live with people who have those conditions? Like, you don't just see support groups for cancer survivors, you see support groups for cancer survivors and family members and significant others of those persons.

    No one, no one is completely isolated. The actions/situations of a person can affect family (both parents and children), and anyone they live with, care about, or persons who care about them.

    You say the drinking is the father's problem....what about the problems of a son who had to share his father's time and love with a bottle? Aren';t his problems just as important and he in need of as much support of the father?

    If you just think of Ala Non and Ala Teen as "just more AA", please do some research before you say anything about it. As the previous poster said, these groups are not just "AA meetings for wives, kids, teenagers, whatever".

    Think about how ignorant and possibly offensive you sound if you post something like that.
     
  15. selfpollution

    selfpollution New Member

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    Old time religion isn't the answer to everything, if the kid is a christian than fine, but if he isn't, alateen and alanon are AA for teens and family, they submit and admit powerlessness, work the 12 steps and take part in all the other self-flagellation that takes place in AA in a seach for a higher being and serenity. It probably isn't the greatest thing for the mental health of a child or a teenager. If he is experiencing problems he should see a PROFESSIONAL couselor or therapist.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2006
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    He seems more interested in arguring and mis-labeling Alateen and Alanon then actually trying to be helpful to the OP. AA, Alateen and Alanon are not just for christians...in fact, agnostics and atheists are also welcome there.

    I agree with your point that the OP might as well go and if it helps then great. If not then perhaps he's heard something that will be of benefit.
     
  17. *lola*

    *lola* New Member

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    Led Zeppelin.....I think you would benefit by going to alateen, as you will find it may help restore some confidence back into your own life, so as not be too focused on your dad's problems he created. I know you want everything to be okay, and live in hope, who wouldn't, but there is a denial stage if you just keep putting up with it or trying to cope alone, and not do anything, so, at least for your own good, seek some great advice from people that will help you to be able to cope better in the long run, before it keeps eating away at your self esteem/self worth.
     
  18. Shame

    Shame New Member

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    while selfpollution is being rather pig-headed about the religion issue (all 12-step programs are non-denominational and necessarily non-religious), i have to agree with the statement that 12-step groups per-se are not good for those on the periphery of substance abuse, but rather are good for those in the thick of it. i'm not saying that this should or should not apply to the original poster, because i don't understand their whole situation, despite having read the thread.

    i do, however, think that the breaking-down of personality that happens in alateen and alanon is not necessary, and that cognitive therapy and classic psychology do just as well, if not better. alanon and alateen are great resources, but don't let their popularity rule out other options. take a multifarious approach.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Then you have a reading comprehension problem. He stated numerous times what his dad has done and that affected him.

    *NEWSFLASH* HE IS IN THE THICK OF IT!

    There is NO breaking down of personality going on inside the rooms of AA, Alanon nor Alateen. To state that there is shows a lack of knowledge/experience with these programs and is a gross mischaracterization of the 12 step programs.

    However, since your previous post was your first, I'm going to presume that you are simply a troll that has some beef against 12 step programs....that and you necroed a post that is over a month old. Begone troll.
     

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