SRS Dad refuses to help me out and its starting to bother me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MudRacer4x4, Jul 9, 2009.

  1. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    Background Information:

    I was a fuck up in high school. I didn't try and was lucky to graduate. After graduating I worked in a resturant for a while.

    I decided the average work force wasn't for me and that I'm capable of more. So I told my dad I want to go to college. He said "I don't think college is for you, go to tech school or search in the paper for a job" Despite what he said I decided to enroll on my own my parents never went to my school.

    After a few months I really decided to work hard. I took on 18 credit hours instead of the usual 15 credits because I want to move and the quicker I finish school the quicker I can move. So besides taking on 18 credit hours I got my first real girl friend, and also got a good job at a small business. I also lost a ton of weight due to exercise. I work my ass off. I'm motivated I stay up all night some times just to complete assignments, I work on my own truck to save money, I buy my own stuff and I don't seem to get any respect. My brother on the other hand who spends my dads money lavishly, doesn't work on his own car or anything like that gets a ton of respect because everything comes natural to him while I have a learning disability.

    My dad works for a huge corperation and makes over 200k a year and has been in the business over 20 years.

    So the other day my dad and I are talking and I said something like "well hopefully when I move you can hook me up with an entry level job at one of your old companies" (his old companies are located where I want to move) he said to me "theres really nothing you can do at those companies, just open your own business". well thanks alot dip shit open my own business yeah ok that would be lovely if I had any advice/ back up money. He always shoots down the idea of him helping me through one of his connections. He has a ton of connections and I feel insulted and worthless because he won't even make an attempt to help me get hired or put me in some direction. I'm not asking to be a CEO I just need alittle help getting my foot in the door. His lack of faith in me has caused me alot of trouble (I've been drinking more) and I'm tempted to get back with my ex because she supports me even though my family doesn't but its a bad relationship. So what do I do. Most people say fuck him but I really could use his help. I can't talk about it with him he gets very defensive. What should I do?
     
  2. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    It's fucking miserable to try & try when you're not getting the support you need. I relate. Both on the disability & shitty parent front.

    The best thing you can do is keep your mind open. Have some faith that the right opportunities are out there for you. As much as you need to relate or rely on your dad your history with him is pointing at a lack of support. The only comfort you have is an ex, and if you know it's a bad relationship then that's obviously not healthy, either.

    The need for acceptance or comfort is overwhelming :(

    Dunno if this will help you but it's helped me a TON:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

    Some people are literally incapable of compassion and have seriously stunted social skills :dunno:
     
  3. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    It's not really his job to help you out. A lot of people make it in this world with families with no connections. Why don't you focus on doing your own thing and if you dad decides to hook you up then that would just be an added thing to your life?

    I worked my way through school with very little help from my parents, it is doable.

    It's not your dad's fault that you screwed around in high school.
     
  4. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    and you need to stop blaming your dad for your problems...like drinking. It's really not his fault. What about your mom, is she emotionally supportive? What about other friends or family?
     
  5. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    what kind of disability do you have ?
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Instead of standing in the shadow of your father, start having a shadow of your own. The problem with your dad is is that he's trying to make you independant by not helping you, which is actually giving an opposite effect. Its good that you started to take your life 100% seriously by studying hard, its even harder to realise tho that 'you're on your own' now, yes it fucking sucks that your dad doesn't give you any help, not even a foot in the door. The only one who can help you is you yourself.
     
  7. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    I get that. IM NOT depending on him. Just would be nice if he was somewhat proud at all of what I've done. and I admit I fucked around in high school but people change
     
  8. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I agree with you 100%...it would be the nice and fatherly thing to do for him to support you and be proud of what you have done for yourself, but you can't change him, you can only change yourself. Being upset at him for his feelings towars you is only going to frustrate you more, so why do it? Just be your own man and do your own thing.
     
  9. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Imagine the sense of pride you will have doing it all on your own? With no help from your dad? Knowing you did it with hard work and your brother is still a useless leech? ;)
     
  10. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    imo, it sounds like you're jealous of your brother... he has your father's support and you don't. maybe your father is giving you 'tough love,' i don't know. regardless, you don't need his support.

    you obviously don't need your dad to help you. you've done wonders for yourself already! keep working at it, and you'll get places.

    also, :nono:, stop blaming your drinking on your father. if you recognize some issues you're having, seek help asap.
     
  11. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Seems to me he sees a double standard and it pisses him off and hurts him. It sucks when a parent shits on one kid and adores another.
     
  12. blink me

    blink me New Member

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    So what, his dad isn't suppose to give him credit or a hand shake at least for busting ass to get where he is?
     
  13. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    Don't use your dad's mistreatment of you as a reason to drink. That will surely lead to alcoholism if it hasn't already. That would be counter productive in your life.
     
  14. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    Have you tried asking him straight out to help you with the new business with advice or money?
    I'm not sure how much you really know about him, but is it possible that he doesn't have as good of a relationship with his ex-employers as he lets on?
    It sounds very odd that he'd get that defensive over you talking with him about it. I kind of feel like there's a part to the story that you're leaving out, probably a story that explains why a brother that leeches off him is favored over the kid that's busting his ass to put himself through school.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: My dad is highly successful and loaded. Do I receive help financially or career-wise? Umm, no.

    If you want to say you are an adult then act like an adult. Your accomplishments aren't anything for him to fall over himself trying to help you. You've got to further prove your independence to earn his respect obviously.

    Also, stop blaming your issues on him.
     
  16. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    make him eat his own shit and become successful on your own. you'll feel better about it in the long run. he's not obligated to help you:dunno:
     
  17. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    No, but parents help because they love their kids, not because they feel obligated. Obviously his dad doesn't love him.
     
  18. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    maybe he's showing him tough love. just because he doesn't help him with connections doesn't mean he doesn't love him. by the threadstarter blaming his dad for his problems...we can assume he doesn't love his dad :dunno:

    we don't know the full story to make such an assumption
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl:

    :ugh: You sir are dumb. Though probably lucky enough to have a very caring, sensitive father.

    .
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    No, parents DON'T help because they love their kids.
     
  21. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    It wouldn't hurt for his dad to hook him up with one of his connections though everyone knows its all about who you know to get the job. I got my first job b/c my dad knew someone and passed along my resume before that I was having a really hard time breaking into the business, is that shameful thats the way I got my start :dunno:
     
  22. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I think that with all the opinions here, the one thing no one seems to be saying to you TS is: I've been in your shoes and it was very difficult for my father to help me when I asked for his support.

    My entire life my father has been excessively cheap. The first time I ever asked him for money was because I had to. I asked him to give me $100 per month to help me pay my medical bills so I could get the appropriate treatment I needed.

    It took him two years to finally come through. He would tell me "I'll do this, or I'll do that, it it just didn't happen."

    So I took him to one of my appointments and I let him sit in on the session to hear what the doctor had to say about my blood work, my history, all the details.

    From that point on my dad has given me an envelope like clockwork with $100 dollars in it and he "wants" to drive me to all my appointments. Sometimes that means making two 2 1/2 hour trips (one way) to Vermont and New York each month.

    I was heart broken until my father came through. The fact is, he doesn't even have to do "anything" for you other than let you know that you're loved and that he believes you can make it on your own. I'm sure if he just told you that -- and nothing more -- you'd feel better. You'd probably feel stronger and more capable knowing you were believed in.

    The reality is, right now he's not doing that, but maybe at some point he will. Regardless, you need to take personal responsibility for the unusual drinking. That's soley your responsibility. Find a more productive outlet for dealing with feelings or otherwise.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Of course it couldn't hurt....but if his dad is as successful as the TS says he is then maybe what we all don't realize is that the TS is still a fuckup in his father's eyes. Too much so for him to put his own neck out there and use his connections, because he fears TS will make him look bad :dunno:

    Might be brutal, but I'm willing to bet that's why dear old dad isn't helping.
     
  24. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You should buck up and make your own way in life. You resent not being given a taste of your dad's good life, the "200k per year" and assume he can and should hook you up. Come on dad, even entry level, gimme an IN.

    Have you considered he doesn't feel secure in your work ethic to bring you in? Especially in a HUGE corporation.

    It's incredibly naive of you that you don't understand this.
    If dad owned a small company....you'd probably be in. In a huge corporation...that's really just not possible.
    There's a lot at stake, and people just cannot act as dictators and "call the shots" the way you seem to think.

    He clearly believes you will reflect badly on him. Very few people can afford this.




    Something you seem to misunderstand is that no one owes you anything, not even your dad.

    In fact, if you showed some real initiative and did bust your ass on your own, and demonstrated that you can kick serious ass and are a force to reckon with, you wouldn't need to beg your dad for a handout (in the form of a connection hookup, a job, a sweet referral, etc).

    And that's precisely the point when your dad would come calling...because you're a proven asset.
     
  25. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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