Cross-gender relationship advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Feb 25, 2007.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I've quoted only the parts that are true for both genders. Switch "she" to "he" if you're reading this and you're a girl.

    Anyone who's had an extremely painful breakup will immediately wish they had known all of this prior to their relationship. It's been relevant to me and it's been extremely relevant to friends of mine, some of them female.

    Anyone who hasn't had a painful breakup ... I wish I could just beam this knowledge into your head. Don't just read, believe.

    One last thing ... this advice is not useful to MangoJuice.

    15.2 In ANY relationship a good method to avoid pain, mess, and eventual heartbreak is to ALWAYS look at how you are being treated and how the relationship makes you feel. NOT at what you feel for them. To do this gauges the base level of passion and attraction she has to you. At the FIRST discomfort or pain caused by the woman in your life, LEAVE. Make her crawl back and apologize. Following this method will set boundaries that will last. You leave and won't take her calls, and she has to crawl back to you crying the first time she yells at you, holds out sex or hurts you in some way, and there probably wont be a second serving of that dish. It's hard to do, but it's important to your well-being. Jaded? Flighty? No. I'd say smart, as it doesn't drag out something that's gonna end anyway, leaving you hurt worse than if it had ended sooner. " It is far better to resist at the beginning than at the end" - somebody clever.

    15.3 If a relationship goes bad, or hurts at all, and is dragging out as "friendship" or such, CUT IT CLEAN and you'll get over it sooner. If you don't it may drag on for a long time, with you getting degraded and rejected. These kinds of relationships drain you in all other areas of life, try to avoid them at all costs, but if you find yourself in one, RUN! "Work it out" with someone new, the next one with a clean slate who hasn't pushed so far into your boundaries yet.

    "When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues" - Balzac.

    15.5 Women sooth issues. A break up from a long term relationship can be murder on your limbic system, self esteem and well being. The main reason for this is that you have mental issues you've learned to deal with. A woman comes along who not only makes your dealing with those issues easier, but quells them altogether. She makes you feel desirable to women, makes you feel like a good lover, makes you feel like someone worthy of love. She leaves, BOOM, you aren't only missing her ability to quell these issues, but NOW have to learn to deal with them and get used to them all over again. Realize this. Use a pain filled break up as an opportunity to recognize and GET RID of these self esteem problems. Don't be a co- dependant, always defining who is important to you by what gaps of yours they can fill (mind out of the gutter people), instead be a complete person (self help jargon I know). Seek the permanent company of people you WANT around you, not NEED around you. Eventually you don't hurt anymore this way.

    15.6 Grief as a rebound. OFTEN when you don't want a relationship to end and it does anyway you will hold onto the pain as a means of not accepting it as REALLY over. You fantasize about the other person crawling back begging to be with you, because they've seen the error of their ways. Not a good idea, this only prolongs things, focus on YOU and what she did to "complete you" that needs to be complete on its own by your own rethinking of self esteem, goals and ability to succeed. Remember YOU are physically the same now as before you were ever hurting over this woman, only now you aren't used to being you anymore, you are used to being you AND her together. The electricity in that brain of yours lies, true love is new love, not someone sticking around forever in order to fill each others needs. Romance writers of old are responsible for all the pain you've ever felt over lost love, remember monogamy and commitment, even the word "love" are a 100th as old as man, while sex and short pair bonds are timeless. No one ever killed themselves over losing a sex partner until someone decided co-dependant relationships were some mystical bond that must hurt when severed then told and wrote about it.
     
  2. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Good post man! Thanks for the 'dual application' - It just *might* save us some of the useless battle of the sexes that often erupts around here...
    So I guess we can assume you decided not to go with the self-ban?

    My contributions:

    :rofl:

    This is one of my "big things" in relationships I've taught myself to do. Every once in a while I have to make myself step back and go, "Ok, so, am I happy here? Do I feel good about whats going on? Does this person make me happy?" In the past, I'd be in a relationship and never do this self-check and end up just staying around because it was comfortable (I know, not fair to me or the other person, lesson learned) or something else. No matter how well you think its going, checking in with yourself (and being honest when you do) it is enormously important.

    BIG OLE DOT.
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Bans take forever here. Just twiddling my thumbs until it happens.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I agree with all of that.
     
  5. Jacy

    Jacy red lipstick brigade

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    Great post. thanks for sharing! I'm going to share it with my female friend who just got out of a really bad relationship :bigthumb:
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Good. However don't credit this to me. I believe it comes from a pick-up artist whose internet pseudonym was "Gunwitch."

    But you can leave that information out when you talk to your friend, hm? ;) Just pragmatically speaking. Instant suspicion tends to surround anything discovered via pick-up.

    At any rate, I can't recommend strongly enough that people read and absorb the original post.
     

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