Could you continue in a relationship if you cheated and didn't tell your SO?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Ari1979, Feb 2, 2007.

  1. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Given any form of physical cheating if you genuinely felt that it was just a terrible "mistake", "one time thing", etc or if you were simply remorseless, would you be able to continue the relationship without it eating you up? I don't know how people can cheat and have it not bother them or be on their mind constantly.

    I've been thinking about it because 2 of my good friends are in a serious "loving" relationship and i know he cheated recently with his ex. It doesn't bother him at all apparantly.

    I cheated once (short drunk makeout) and decided it was better not to say anything... the guilt consumed me within a month... we didn't break up but it did major damage and i wish i told her the night of. That was 6 months ago and the repercussions are still very evident but we're making progress.

    I guess i'm just asking how guilty would your conscience be? Would you tell you SO?
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I wouldn't consider cheating in the first place, BUT I also wouldn't tell my SO. You would only be telling her to alleviate your own guilt, it wouldn't be for her own good.
     
  3. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    It's not always a question of "considering"... humans make mistakes. If the right factors are present it can happen to someone who is in a happy fulfilling relationship. I'm trying to be as unbiased as possible...

    If you somehow did slip you still wouldn't tell her? Your guilt aside, doesn't she deserve to know what happened and make her decision?
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I am a woman, there is no her, only a husband in my case. I maintain my position as well. Should I "slip" or "make a mistake" or whatever term you want to use for infidelity, no I would not tell him. It also wouldn't happen. I love and respect my husband too much to ever put myself in that situation.
     
  5. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I'd own up to my mistake. I've done it in the past - just once - and it was hard, but we're now stronger than ever.
     
  6. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Here's my take on it. My husband cheated on me once. If I didn't know about it, I would still be blissfully (and ignorantly) happy. Instead I found out about it and we went through some incredibly tough times.

    If it truly is a one time thing, I say don't tell her. It will only make things worse. Just make sure you get yourself tested and everything. Obviously if you're not you're going to have to tell her.
     
  7. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I have 2 questions for both of you: How long after the cheat was there complete trust again? Also, how severe was the cheating (level of cheating and if it was with a significant person)?

    I've proven through various acts that i'm in love with her, and that it truly was a one time thing. We're now working on getting trust back. It's so hard... she brings it up whenever we fight (understandably).
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2007
  8. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I cheated for the first time in my life a couple of weeks ago. I'm still in the first month of a relationship with my girlfriend, so i'm not feeling too guilty about it.
     
  9. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I would never cheat. It is against my religious perspective; completely. Like I fail in my Work if I do it. I am chaste and profoundly religious, this is why I say I am incapable of cheating.

    But if I did, I would tell her, so that she may leave me.
     
  10. low20

    low20 Member

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    i coulndt do it...i cheated on an ex once, we were in a LD relationship which was going downhill fast, we had gone out for so long so we were attached but it was so over..anyway i fingered a chick for like literally 10 seconds....broke up with the ex a few days later, never felt guilty tho since it was so beyond being over that it felt as tho i was never in the relationship...but i would never cheat on a gil that i loved and if i did i would break up with her right away b/c that would prove i didnt love her...cheaters suck
     
  11. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    It was a couple of years before I trusted him again completely. The woman he cheated with was a major part of his life for a couple of months, so it was severe.
     
  12. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Personally, if my SO cheated once and it wasn't going to happen anymore then I wouldn't want to know.

    I think the person who cheated feels better "getting it off their chest" while the person who was cheated on feels like shit.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I never have cheated on a SO and if I'm to the point of cheating, something else is seriously wrong in my relationship. I'd hope that I would have enough guts to address those issues before resorting to cheating. I say hope because noone is perfect and I've know some really great people that cheated on their spouses.

    One of them did it on a regular basis. He used to joke that the great thing about guilt is that it passes. However, all this cheating ended up taking a toll on him. He ended up divorcing and remarrying and I think he's done with all that cheating now....he was the last time we talked about it.
     
  14. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    That guy is a piece of shit. At least by the sounds of it.

    Like no heart whatsoever to joke about it
     
  15. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    If it was really a one time thing and the person that someone cheated with would never see them again or know many friends, then you could get by with out telling the other person.

    The problem is most people don't just cheat once. I've seen a lot of people that always said, "I'd never cheat," and then they cheat once and say, "I'll never cheat again." But guess what happens a few months down the road.
     
  16. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    And if you cheat and dont tell your relationship is a huge lie, some people find comfort in that though, sadly.
     
  17. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    I would never cheat..If for some crazy ass reason I did I would definately tell them and if they didnt break it off I would. I hate cheaters...they have no hearts.
     
  18. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Amen
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Well he's not a piece of shit. He was in a bad relationship and felt trapped. Sure I don't agree with his actions but he's actually a great guy....he just made some bad decisions. Most people never suspected that that he cheated on his spouse and he said that I'd be amazed at how many female spouses, that I know, cheat also.

    And he wasn't joking about the cheating. He was actually quite embarrased and didn't want me repeating it. Cheating really did take a toll on him and he admited that it would have been better to have just gotten a divorce. So hopefully he's done with that stuff.

    Regarding the guilt....well he said it in a joking manner but said it was actually true. He said first time he cheated, he felt awful. It got less and less painful the more he did it.

    Oh and I've been cheated on myself and I know the pain involved. I shared some of that with my friend and I think he started to realize how painful for his wife it must have been. The guy actually has a huge heart.
     
  20. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    Don't exactly agree 100% but great answer nonetheless. Especially about getting tested.
     
  21. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    From the cheater's point of view it would be better to tell his/her SO, to get a load of his shoulder. From the cheated's point of view, I'd prefer not to know if my SO cheated.

    Neither of this matters though. The question is what would be better for the relationship?
     
  22. VashTheStampede

    VashTheStampede New Member

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    I would imagine that if you told or not really depended on your moral point of view. Some people would cheat and not tell, while others would have it eat them up inside.

    Personally, I've had 2 ex g/f's cheat on me before. So, I couldn't personally put someone else through that. You really have to take a step back and look at your relationship. Things had obviously lead up to that point for a reason. You may not see it right away, but it's there.

    I would be one to tell if it ever happened. You have a pretty good chance of losing your S/O obviously, but If the two of you can work through it, good for you.

    I just personally can't condone cheating or keeping it from your S/O.
     
  23. Lucifer

    Lucifer New Member

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    .

    My girl knows that I'm attracted to other women, my sex drive is off the charts. :noes: She's brought up a threesome before, she talks about giving it to another woman with a strap on and knows I'd love to just have another pussy to play with. I'm afraid it would cause damage to the relationship if this were to happen with anyone we know or even local. Recently she's brought up the idea of going to Amsterdam and getting a threesome in the Red Light District. That's at least a year away though, she's wrapping up school and then I think we'll be ready for a nice week long trip. :x:
     
  24. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    be prepared to ruin your relationship
     
  25. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    sounds like she's bi or wanting to be a pornstar...and yeah, i also don't see this ending well.
     

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