SRS Conversations with SO's.....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Man Bear Pig, Nov 16, 2008.

  1. Man Bear Pig

    Man Bear Pig Banned

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    This will sound stupid, but....
    WTF do you talk about with your SO's? Seriously. I have never really been much of a small talker and lately I am being driven up the wall by this person I have been seeing. She wants to talk about things, which in all honesty, make me want to bash my head in the wall. I don't care about your accumulative life experiences with corn.

    This is a common theme in my relationships or whatever they are called. I get around a talker, they like the sound of their voice. They talk and talk, but I have nothing to contribute to the conversation, so I remain silent. They talk some more and they never ask me anything. They are on my bed, half naked, and want to talk about their family... yes, thanks for erection killer.

    I honestly see no future in this current whatever it is. Part of me thinks I am a sociopath, because I feel nothing towards anybody. I mean some people, sure, but lately the people I date? Nothing. I just want sex. I am worried I am becoming a monster and no interest in small talk is a sign. Thoughts?
     
  2. Man Bear Pig

    Man Bear Pig Banned

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    Anyone care to comment?
     
  3. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    I personally dont have an SO but my friend and his SO just talk about what happened that day the weather (thier like weather nuts) how the weekend went/how the week is going things like that
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    There's a huge difference between not feeling you have anything to talk about and being so annoyed by your SO's voice that you don't care to talk or listen.

    First off, dump the girl. Not every girl is going to talk your ear off. Not every girl is going to talk about shit you find horribly boring or talk about things at inappropriate times.
     
  5. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    Talk about what's going on in your life, what you did that day, etc.
     
  6. Asherman

    Asherman New Member

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    From an old man married for over 41 years.

    • You'll never understand the mind of a woman, so get used to it. For whatever its worth, they don't understand the male point of view much better.
    • Nod your head gravely, and agree with her. Don't be tempted to just tune her out, they'll catch you at and then your in trouble. If you don't agree with her, make your disagreement conditional.
    • Accept the blame for misunderstandings and apologize ... sincerely. Otherwise, you're going to be sailing rough seas for at least a little while.
    • Remember that all things change. What we believe and value today will not endure forever, so be patient. Long term relationships aren't formed in a day, or during the heat of a honeymoon, but result from shared experiences over a long period of time. Like new shoes, they start out stiff and cause painful blisters, but if you wear them everyday, in five years they become as soft, pliable and comfortable as a pair of fine slippers.
    Good luck.
     
  7. minhtos

    minhtos OT Supporter

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    if you don't want to hear her talk about stuff you don't care about... you can bring up topics of conversations that you find interesting. Half the time you're the listener and half the time you're being listened to so it's only fair right?
     
  8. grltechie21

    grltechie21 *insert something witty here*

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    Me and my husband have been married for almost 3 years (come Feb). Fortunately for him i'm not a big talker.
    There are some women out there who don't go on and on endlessly, it's just a matter of finding one.

    We talk about all kinds of things really:
    -Weather (it's snowing out today so we'll probably talk about that for all of 5 minutes tonight)
    -How work went for him(we're both computer geeks so it helps to understand each other)
    -Stuff going on with our families
    -Anything new our daughter did or said
    -Plans for the weekend/week coming up

    When we do have our conversations it's almost always done when we're hanging out in the kitchen and i'm making dinner and also while we're at the dinner table. After dinner he goes and plays his computer games and i'll take care of some cleaning, bills, or watch a bit of tv.
    Really I think she's just taking up too much of your space.
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Then why are you still with her? :hsugh: If all you want is sex then go get a fuckbuddy. Don't pretend to like this girl and care about her if all you want to do is get laid.
     
  10. HunniBunni

    HunniBunni New Member

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    I seem to have the opposite problem. I have never been much of a talker, and have found that I have nothing to talk about with my past SO's. Dont get me wrong, not that I am not interested, Im much more of a listener, and give my 2 cents some of the time. Small talk and random shit isnt my thing.

    Maybe you can think of it as a trade off. Sex for hearing her talk.
     
  11. Battle Angel

    Battle Angel New Member

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    sounds like you need to find someone that you have more in common with.
    if you share interests that will give you something to talk about/
    and find someone whos less chatty
     
  12. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    My husband tells me all about his shitty day at work. Sometimes I tune out and other times I listen, but all he wants is a release and to get it out. He isn't upset if I don't listen through ALL of it :rofl:
    We talk about what happened during the day, how what someone did made us feel, what we need to do tomorrow, a lot of other small conversations that segway off main conversations. How much we love each other, what's for dinner, what we're doing, etc etc etc

    At the beginning of a relationship I find people think they need to fill in that awkward silence. When you become comfortable around them, you don't feel the need and in my view that means you end up talking more :rofl:

    We can go for hours without talking but being in the same room but we always communicate in some way. We love each other and we enjoy it
     
  13. Man Bear Pig

    Man Bear Pig Banned

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    There are things which we share in common. I think she is just nervous around me especially when it comes to intimacy.... she is not very sexually experienced and I am. Her chatting, at least in the bedroom, stems from her nervousness. I enjoy her company, because she is a sweet person.

    Part of my deal is emotional intimacy is kind of foreign territory for me. I don't let people in. I am not very sociable. I am quiet unless I have something to say or contribute. I have hard time understanding other people's emotions and their actions stemming from those emotions. A lot of times, especially with people I have an attachment with, it feels like I am going through the motions. I say things, and looking back I wonder if I meant it, or said it because it was your supposed to say or what they wanted to hear.

    My life wouldn't be very interesting to most people. I study biochem and biology and the material I deal with now takes about 3-4 years of chemistry and biology to understand wtf is going on, making conversation with a lay person difficult. Want to hear how thrilling protein folding dynamics is? Wut? Not from her at least, she has some science background so she understands some of it. My other hobby is obscure (olympic weightlifting), and explaining to people what I mean by training, is often a lost cause.

    Mainly, I think I am frustrated with relationships and my diffculty understanding what a relationship is and how you are supposed to feel...
     
  14. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Socializing is work. It's part of your job in society to make things more peaceful and joyful.

    Ok I just got a new neighbor. A letter addressed to their address was put in my mailbox. So I took it over to them though I knew this belonged to the old residents. Not because I wanted to get to know them but it's my duty to make them feel welcomed into the neighborhood. And then I continued to socialize with them, not because I wanted them as friends but because it's a slow process and just one day of greeting isn't enough.

    So your girl likes to talk. Just listen and pretend to care. This is what you do in relationships. Otherwise she will feel bad and lose motivation to be with you.
     
  15. savethehumans

    savethehumans mmm piss steam. OT Supporter

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    I think you are being to hard on yourself. I was EXACTLY where you are until I was 27. I didnt think I would get married until I was 40, pretty much just wanted sex out of my relationships and most girls I met I had nothing in common with or I thought they were idiots.

    Then I just met the right girl...and knew pretty fast. The fluidity was like nothing I ever experienced, she gets my sick jokes and tells me to stfu if im going on and on. The "no interest in small talk" will end when you meet someone. You are self aware, questioning your actions and have something to say, so probably not an idiot or a sociopath. Or maybe you are, either way, meeting the right chick will fix that.

    Thats my advice, I am always wrong about a lot of shit, so take it with a grain of salt. Thats another reason I got married 2 years ago at 31...shes right way more then me and that keeps/gets me out of trouble a lot.

    Thats awesome, I will impliment this asap.
     
  16. Thelonius

    Thelonius New Member

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    We talk about the same shit that I talk about with other people. Current events, movies, music, books, shit that happened that day/week, philosophical stuff, other people that we both know, plans for the future and so on. If it's an effort for you to talk to someone, you probably shouldn't be dating them.
     
  17. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You're normal. You're just going thru a phase where you're adapting to what you want in romantic relationships. The key to this, is not take relationships seriously, have fun, and you'll work through this without really doing any work at all.
     

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