Hey guys, Today I am pretty damn positive that the girl I am dating of 10 months is going to dump me. To try and make a long story short I had an adverse reaction to her choosing to work a special project at work vs going on this trip to Northern Minnesota. To give a little background we had been planning this the whole summer and I had to keep moving it and its all I have been looking forward to all summer. She sends me the email Friday and I tell her I don't want to see her Friday night. We are text messaging back and forth and I say something to the extent of you made the choice and chose work. Yesterday she wont talk to me and saying she needs time to think and that something snapped in her. She could not say I love you at the end of the conversation. I know she will say that it is over today. She is Russian and she does not play games or pussy foot around things like American women. Lets dispense the there are a million women out there blah blah blah crap. My job sucks, my family sucks and without her I truly have nothing. I just dont understand why life blows this bad. Its the same shit for me over and over again. Ive made great strides in my life post separation and then this happens. I know that this isn't the greatest description of events but I am so numb to everything right now that its hard to convey everything. We have had ups and downs but with her she takes the down seriously and doesn't take them like normal folks. I love her so much and for a guy like me landing a girl like this is a once in a lifetime girl. I just cant believe that this is all going to be over and its something I continually fuck up. I just don't understand why it is that people would want to keep living a life like this. Everything sucks. You screw everything up and its nothing but pain. I'm not suicidal but I often wonder about non-existence. I just don't want to deal with my life anymore. I am so sick of all the pain and so little of the pleasure. I love her so much and I do not want to start this whole thing over again and I don't know if I would or will. I know you are going to keep saying that it hasn't happened yet, but it has its just a matter time before it gets to me.