Contemplating leaving my current g/f for somebody else... need some advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by delussional77, Aug 10, 2009.

  1. delussional77

    delussional77 Active Member

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    Thanks for taking the time to help me with this decision.

    I have been dating girl #1 for almost 6 months now. She is very sweet and pretty but has a lot of insecurities about her. I try to be as nice as possible but she takes any potentially negative thing I say as a putdown or thinks that I'm being sincerely critical of her. She recently graduated college but hasn't found a good job that pays well and her current job causes her a lot of stress. She tries to keep her stress out of the relationship but it's hard when she's had a shitty day and then we spend time together for her to become happy and cheerful. She lives at home with her parents and this is a huge turn off for me.

    Girl #2 works at the same company as me but we rarely interract at work (if at all). I met her on a team volleyball league and we have quickly become good friends. She is cute and we flirt a lot and she mentions how she is single quite often. She knows that I have a g/f and I think has kept her distance and just remains flirty. She lives in her own place and is a little older but we have similar salaries/jobs/aspirations. Overall girl #2 seems like a better choice.

    My dilemna is 2-fold.

    1) Girl #1 really hasn't done anything wrong besides having a shitty job and living at home. She is very sweet and caring. I feel like breaking up with her makes me a total asshole in this case.

    2) I don't really know if girl #2 is interested in dating me

    Maybe this sounds really bad of me but I don't want to dump girl #1 unless girl #2 is interested. So how do I make this switch while still "covering my own ass"

    So I wonder what advice you all might have for me?

    Thanks for reading and any advice!

    BTW, i'm a 25y/o male.
     
  2. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Leave the first girl. She doesn't deserve to be drug along while you figure out what you want.
     
  3. Autorotate

    Autorotate New Member

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    It seems like for one reason or another you are just not that interested in girl number 1, why remain in a relationship if you just aren't interested? You don't need a reason per say... besides it's only been 6 months it's not like you are married?
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    1) A very damaging belief to have when it comes to relationships is that in order to break up with someone they have to have done something wrong. That's going to waste so much of your time, waiting for someone to do something wrong before you break up with them. It will also make your break-ups more harsh and drama-laced. Just accept the fact that you are not happy with girl #1 (for whatever reason, even if you can't place your finger on it) and do both you and her a favor and let her know and move on.

    2. You are afraid to be alone. Why? Why do you have to know that girl #2 will go out with you before you end a relationship that isn't fulfilling to you? What if you break up with girl #1, take a chance on girl #2, get rejected, and a little time passes and girl #3 comes into your life who is absolutely perfect for you? If I were you, I'd rethink the idea that you need to be in a relationship at all times because it's definately worse to be in an unfulfilling relationship than it is to be lonely. I know that from firsthand experience.
     
  5. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    Just remember that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and you have nothing in the bag.

    Only you can be the judge of whether or not it would be worth it to dump girl #1. Personally, I would stick with girl #1 because she honestly doesn't sound that bad. Teach her to develop a healthier ego that doesn't rely on you for sustainment ASAP though, having an insecure girlfriend can be kinda taxing.

    Also, #2 might be interested in you because you have a GF. since you have a GF, you are guilt/string free flirting. What if you dump #1 only to find #2 is suddenly not that interested in you? Seen this happen more than once: it's always been hilarious.

    Are you smooth enough to pursue #2 while dumping #1? Breaking up, even when you initiate it, can be a taxing action. I wouldn't do anything unless #1 was truly unbearable, or if #2 came on strong. That's the practical side of me talking. Personally, i wouldn't pursue #2 even if she came on strong, because that's my value system, but i'm not judging.
     
  6. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

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    Sound like you dont want to be with girl #1. You would be less of an asshole if you let her know its not working out then if you string her along for a while.
     
  7. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Leave the girl whether or not girl #2 takes interest in you. Doesn't sound like your relationship is worthwhile anyway. No need to string her along while you figure out what you want and need. That's not really fair to her IMO. If girl #2 wants to start something with you then I guess it's your lucky day. If not, c'est la vie.
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :werd: This is exactly what I was going to say. Also- your gf just graduated college (I'm guessing in May) and you're picking on the fact that she still lives at home? Give the girl a break. You're obviously not into her anymore if you're being critical of something so normal.
     
  9. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    PS - Being alone isn't a bad thing. There's no unwritten rule that you have to always be in a relationship. Relationship hopping doesn't exactly build character. I've always learned the most about myself and was able to grow more as a person when I didn't always have someone around who I "thought" defined who I was.
     
  10. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    I'm not going to post what I think you should do because I'll be called a troll. I've been in the same situation as you, and I've steered it to have a successful outcome. Feel free to PM if you'd like to know more.
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Translation: He thinks you should cheat on girl 1. :mamoru:
     
  12. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    .
     
  13. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    you are pulling what a lot of girls pull. "i wont leave relationship a until i know i can be in relationship b".

    stop!

    there's nothing wrong w. you not wanting to be w. your current gf. there does not always have to be a "good" reason. her insecurity level stresses you out and her career is not up to par w. what you are looking for in a girl.

    its about what makes you happy. not.... am i doing it for a "good" enough reason.

    do yourself and her a favor and leave now while its only 6 months in.

    as far as girl b.... if it happens it happens.... if not there are plenty other girls.
     
  14. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Thinking about this more, You honestly sound like an ass. What do you do that makes you so much better than her? And she tries to be happy for you even though there's a lot of shit going on in this world that is effecting A LOT of people, including her. But instead of being a good bf and trying to brighten her day, it sounds like you just pick her apart. She has probably picked up on the little things that you don't like, so no wonder she is so insecure around you.

    Just leave her.
     
  15. Savage5point0

    Savage5point0 Im an asshole.

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    The monkey doesn't let go of one vine until he has a good hold on the next.
     
  16. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    :werd: well said.
     
  17. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    I prefer to act like a man and not a monkey... most of the time! :)

    YMMV
     
  18. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    You're doing what a lot of other people do. There are a shitload of people who have someone lined up before they jump ship. So ignore everyone bitching at you for being a typical human.


    But other then asking some clever questions to get an inclining for if Girl B would date you the only real way of knowing is by dropping Girl A and perusing B.


    Though it should be pointed out that this is the script for a lot of after school specials. Guy gets attention from girls when he's in a relationship (because he's in a relationship), so he breaks up with the girl, but now the other girls aren't interested.
     
  19. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    You seem to like the first girl but you also want to do the second one.
     
  20. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Holy crap.

    You just blew my mind. :eek3:
     
  21. delussional77

    delussional77 Active Member

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    Um...replace "do the second" with "date the second"!

    I know I am coming across as an asshole (although I'm trying very hard IRL to not actually be one)

    I do like girl #1. We have our great moments, our okay moments, and (very rarely) some bad moments. Like I stated before, she hasn't really done anything to deserve me leaving her. We get along well and I can look past my previously mentioned issues and still be quite happy with her.

    But...on the other hand...

    I am interested in girl #2 because we have more in common and I foresee a better outcome.

    I will NOT cheat (learned my lesson before)...but I just wasn't sure what approach and reasoning I had for following my heart (girl #2)



    Also, for those wondering why I have a problem with being alone...I think you hardly know me well enough to make those assumptions. Girl #1 is the first serious g/f I've had after dating the same person for nearly 5 years and then deciding to be single for a while. I enjoyed being single but, like most humans, seek companionship when I want it. Seems stupid to judge me on that...
     
  22. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Don't care how this turns out but you need to leave girl #1 as you can't care about her. She is a handle for you to hold on too, which is an ass hole thing. Be single and pursue girl #2 and see where that takes it.
     
  23. delussional77

    delussional77 Active Member

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    Once again, this is a very baseless assumption. I do care about girl #1. I don't want to break her heart and I definitely don't want to hurt her. I know better than to string somebody along but all relationships (at least the ones I have been in) have rough patches or times when you question the integrity of the relatioship. Hell, if I broke up with every girl I "considered" breaking up with than I wouldn't end up dating for most girls for very long.
     
  24. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    You have to understand that we can only make those assumptions based on what you post. No, we don't know you irl, but we do know what you post. When you ask for help you will get all kinds of it, whether it pertains to you or not. Just take it in stride and don't get defensive. You never know, someone may be pointing out something you didn't really realize you were doing/thinking before. :)

    But I do think you need to decide if you want to see if grass is greener or not. And if it isn't, you shouldn't be going back to the first girl.
    this. And relationships do have bumpy parts, but if you are interesting in seeing other girls, why tie yourself down with someone you don't know you want to be with 100%?
     
  25. saosko

    saosko OT Supporter

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    My advice; drop the first, tell her you need space but you wish to remain friends. At this point you're a free man and can further develop friendships with both in order to determine which one you really want to be with.
     

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