contact with ex after break up?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by perseus, Jan 22, 2008.

  1. perseus

    perseus New Member

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    my girlfriend (21) and i (22) broke up a little more than a month ago. at the time, we were having various problems, that we were too busy for each other and that i didn't give her what she needed in a relationship. at the time, i thought it was a good idea, we went on a break for a little bit before she decided to break up with me. it was necessary for us to regain perspective on who we are to each other. i needed to figure out myself if she was really the one for me, a question that has been bugging me for a while ever since we started having problems.

    we decided to be good friends and had been communicating with each other ever since. she went on a trip for two weeks after the break up, but we started talking a little bit more when she came back. she slept over a few nights ago, but recently she tells me she is going to go on a date with someone. this upset me and what bothered me was that i thought i knew who it was. i'm not sure why that mattered. unfortunately, i didn't just bring it up with her and instead ending up checking her messages on her facebook account to make sure. i feel really bad about this so i admitted it to her on the phone yesterday. i apologized, but now i feel that i should find some way to make it up to her, even though she said she'd forgiven me. taking a step back, i really don't know what i should do in the bigger picture, whether i should try to win her back or move on. in any case, i feel that i should've not contacted her for the past few weeks, it's been hard on me. so after all of this has happened, should i do this now?
     
  2. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Rookie mistake!

    It's ok though, because we've all been there.
    Every girl attempts to maintain a friendship after they break up with a guy... it's just what they do. However, the best thing for the guy is to almost always cut off all communication and stay away from her. It seems like it would be impossible to do now, but truth is, it gets easier everyday and eventually you will be happy again.
    And trust me on this! After a few weeks you will be MUCH happier without her at all, than being her friend and still loving her and wanting her while she dates other dudes and tells you about various aspects of her life.

    As for the facebook thing, stay the hell off of that. The Facebook/Myspace account of your ex is the LAST place you wanna look. It will ruin you and drive you absolutely insane seeing pics and messages from dudes.
    The only reason you want to "make it up to her" (going on her facebook account) is so you can have an excuse to do something nice for her and show her that you care. Don't worry about it man, she said she forgives you, so just forget about it.

    As for getting back.... You could always send her an email letting her know that you still care about her and love her, and would love another shot, but at the moment you need to look out for yourself and end the friendship and do your own thing.
    Sounds to me like she is ready to move on. She initiated the break, she broke up with you, now she's going on a date. Sorry to say it, but she is moving on and you are getting left behind. Stop talking to her and you will get over her WAY WAY WAY faster and life in general will be better for you.
     
  3. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    non-existent?
     
  4. perseus

    perseus New Member

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    thanks for the advice. yeah, first relationship and i probably should've read more of the vag advice earlier on.
     
  5. perseus

    perseus New Member

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    ?
     
  6. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    Cut off all contact is very hard to do after a breakup, not just your side but hers too. Now for her, you have given her the best of both world. You are hanging around as a nice safety net while she ventures out to date other people. I made this mistake by not being clear on what I want and how I feel. If you still really love her and want to give this another try, let her know what it's either get back together or both sides move on and cut off all contact.
     
  7. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    I didnt look into your situation, but a rule of thumb should ALWAYS be to kill contact with your ex's. You made the decision to drop them so uphold that and have dignity for yourself. There is no need to be their baby blanket because they will call and try to pull that shit. DON'T. It's never worked for me and any of my friends.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You situation is one of the most common on the forum. As much as you'd like to be friends after an important relationship it is impossible and unhealthy really. You have to take time to yourself from her completely (no phone calls/texts/checking her Myspace/etc.) for a while until you know you are fully over it and her. Also, read these:
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3422135
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3449501
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1800010
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3169400
     
  9. MoP

    MoP New Member

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    what about communication over text and msn?

    In 2009 i have to go overseas for an indefinite amount of time... so I'll be breaking up with my gf... I couldn't imagine just cutting of all communication cold turkey... so i'll probably be texting her and talking to her online.....

    will I still be able to get over her?
     
  10. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    The circumstances of that sort of break up are different though
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Maybe, maybe not.
     
  12. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I agree that when you love someone so much it is really hard and sometimes you would rather have them as a friend than not at all because they are an amazing person. I went through this with my last breakup.

    The problem was that we were keeping contact and hanging out and for the first few months she was out having fun, meeting new guys, living a new life, etc... and being her "friend" I got to hear all about it and it totally messed me up.
    Then of course, our friendship inevitably turned into us acting like we were dating again months down the road.

    I know a few people that were in LTR's and remained best friends with their ex, but that that cannot happen until both parties are over one another, and there is no real desire to spark up a relationship again. Often, this takes a year or more.

    Looking back, I was incredibly stupid to try and remain friends with my ex. It made life really stressful, but I constantly tried to justify it. I don't advise this route. Cutting off communication helps a lot with moving forward not only from the other person, but moving forward personally as well.
    If you are meant to be with that person, you two will some how find each other again.
     

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