confusion

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Joser, Dec 21, 2006.

  1. Joser

    Joser Active Member

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    UPDATED
    i am seeing a girl for a month but we have been talking for more than 2 months now. we are neighbors in our dorms and before we hooked up she just broke up with her bf for on and off 3 years(her "first true love"). for the past month our time has been amazing she said that im am special to her and that i am pretty much hers. we look forward into hanging out and spending time. yesterday, her exbf got shot and is in a critical condition. now i really dont know what to do. i feel guilty that i feel like im stealing her. i feel that i should be there for her. i feel that i should call it off but i dont want to drop another bomb on her. i dont know i dont know.

    cliffs,
    seeing a girl for 1 month and she barely broke up with her bf for 3 years(her "first true love)
    we're about to make official
    then the ex gets shots
    now i am confuse on what to do.

    UPDATE:
    i took some people's advice. i asked her if she wanted space. she said she doesnt want any. she said that she cares for me as much and she cares for him. i'm just gonna be there for her and not think too much about it. the more i think about it the more i get mix emotions. she says she wants to take care of me and wants to make me happy. really i just dont know. but thanks guys for the advice.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2006
  2. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    You didn't shoot him (I hope) so why would you have any obligation to him? Of course what happened to the guy really sucks, but they are exes. It means nothing to your relationship unless she is having some misplaced feelings of responsibility over the ordeal. Which is something you should be on the lookout for, but by no means is something that you should feel guilty about.
     
  3. Joser

    Joser Active Member

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    yeah I didnt shoot him. actually, the reason why we're not official is because she still has some feelings for the guy.
     
  4. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Then you have a problem. It would be natural for her to want to go and see him and a bad idea to stick around if she does. Be understanding, but stay away (tell her you're giving her space to deal with this stressful event) until she no longer wants to see him, and hope she comes back once that mother instinct wears off. She has to know that you aren't fine with her hanging around exes, but you can't ever be demanding about it, especially in this case.

    Out of curiosity, did she dump him or was it the other way around? Dating recently rejected women is dangerous stuff because the rejection spikes their interest in the ex for a while.
     
  5. Joser

    Joser Active Member

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    i believe she did. i remember her crying because of the false accusations he accused her. i believe it wasnt working out for them.

    well, for me im just confused. i feel guilty, i feel like im taking away his girl or something. im fine with her visiting him if anything i kind a want her to. i just dont like the emotional stress shes going through and it sucks to hear that shes been crying all day and so on. i wish theres something i can do.
     
  6. Brigante

    Brigante i'm a lurker without an avatar, deal with it

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    huntzor just gave you soem good advice on what you can do. give her some space. jsut tell her you'll be there if she needs you and let her make the decision. there's nothing more you can do but definately don't feel obligated towards her ex, you owe nothing to him in the end. but you owe it to her to let her do what she feels is right and if that means taking time apart from you then so be it.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    It doesn't matter what you do.... from the sound of it you're merely the rebound guy anyway. :hs:
     
  8. Joser

    Joser Active Member

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    should i call her everyday and ask how shes doing? :hs:
     
  9. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Every girl is somebody's girl, until she becomes somebody else's. Like I said... I can understand your feelings, but it would be better to not feel that way.

    It's hard, but there really is nothing you can do about her mood. You just have to let the thing run its course.

    If she did the dumping she may be experiencing a lot of guilt and pity right now, which is in a way almost as dangerous as the pangs of rejection but is less likely to end up with her actually taking him back - at least, not for long. In any case, you don't want that sort of split attention going on. With the whole rebound factor you have to be extra careful and alert here.

    I'm hoping your last post was a joke, but no, when you give her space you wait for her to call, no matter how long that takes. Otherwise it's not space. And don't ignore new women in the meantime.
     
  10. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Would you be doing so as a friend? Or would you be doing it as someone after a romantic relationship? You have to decide which side of the fence you're on. If you want a relationship, don't do that -- you'll appear desparate and weak. Just give her space and if she gets over this other guy and the situation, then MAYBE you can make a move.
     
  11. Joser

    Joser Active Member

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    i just want to be there for her. shes been emotionally beat. besides this, other things has been going on and thats why ive been more confused. if anything i just want to be there as a support...but i dont really know how to go about it :hs:
     
  12. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Well, I'd say still don't pursue HER about it; but tell her your door is always open if/when she needs to talk, etc.

    You'll be her friendzone cuddlebuddy, but that's about all you can reasonably expect. The point is, don't smother her, and let her have space knowing she can come to you for support.
     
  13. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    personally, i feel like you need to give her some space. don't be judgemental if she goes to see him and what not. she dated the guy for 3 years, she has deep rooted feelings for him. you sound like a rebound guy for a girl who suddenly found she has no one to give her feelings to.
     
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Then you've probably already lost. Have you been intimate with her yet? If not, you're probably friendzoned.

    God no!

    I never date someone just out of a relationship. Chances are she still has feelings for her ex. My roommate used to break up with her BF, screw some guys, then get back with him. She did it at least 6 times that I know of.

    Also, how old are you guys? The younger you are, the more likely something like that will happen.

    I hate to say it, but if she didn't say something like "Good! Fucker deserves to be shot!" when it happened, chances are it will bring them back together. :(
     
  15. Joser

    Joser Active Member

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