Confusing situation

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by AutoEuphoria, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    I guess this is going to be more of a venting post than anything. It's a situation I've been dealing with since my gf and I started going out over 5 years ago. It's gotten better recently, but elements still are there, and still bother me.

    I guess if I had to rank myself on the "security" scale, I'd say I'm about a 4 or 5. Definitely not very confident, and I can definitely tell I have insecure tendencies. It's not so bad that I'm calling all the time or spying or anything, but I do worry sometimes...worry that she might eventually do something that would be unforgivable and lead to the end of our relationship.

    My gf has admitted that she has cheated on a previous boyfriend, but has told me that she has never cheated on me, and never would. I do believe her, deep down...at least about the past.

    My problem stems from the fact that my gf gets hit on ALL THE TIME. Whether it's at work or school, or just driving around, guys are always hitting on her, and she tells me about it all the time. I'm sure some of it is blown out of proportion, because I'm sure that she likes to see me react (when I get jealous or upset, that shows that I care I guess). Anyway, most of it comes from 1 guy, but there is another guy that I worry about, too.

    First guy...the guy who hits on her all the time. She used to work with him for about a year. During that year he'd always tell her how bad he wanted to F her, and how great her ass looked...everything. He was her manager, too...which, to me..is a big :nono:. Even after she left the job, she'd get text messages from him, and when she'd go into the store to get something, he'd chat with her and still hit on her. He even groped her once while she was giving him a hug good-bye. Thing is, this guy will not do ANYTHING when I'm in the store with her...he won't even come near her. He's basically a giant pussy.

    The thing that bothers me about that guy is that it seems to me like she isn't bothered by it. As I said, she's friendly with him still, gives him a hug good-bye, things like that. I don't understand, because fundamentally, that guy is insulting our relationship and disrespecting me. I guess it upsets me when she says she doesn't like it, but she won't do anything to stop it. A few nights ago, I asked her if he excited her, and she gave the smile that says "yes, but I don't want to actually say it". That pissed me off pretty good.

    The other guy I am less worried about at this point. The main thing was that she had been talking to him behind my back for about 4 years. She used to date him, had sex with him, and HE was the guy she cheated on her ex with. During the early stages of our relationship he was trying to get her to cheat on me, too, which generally put a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak. She calls him twice weekly...never tells me what they talk about (none of my business, I know). She says they are just good friends, and she never physically sees him...at least not that I know of.

    She's told me before when I've been upset over this kind of stuff "well, fine - I just won't talk to them anymore". I counter that with "That's not what I want - I want you to have friends...I just don't think it's right to not say anything when those people cross the line". I had a huge conversation with her at the height of all of this - when 3 or 4 guys would do the same thing as guy #1 on a daily basis...I told her - I'm fine with you talking to guys...that doesn't bother me. I want her to have friends. It's just when it crosses the line that it starts to bother me. I defined "the line" as being anything that they wouldn't say if I were standing right next to her.

    So, again...not sure if there's a question in here or not. I guess I just don't understand why she wouldn't stand up for our relationship...why she seems to be so secretive with the second guy...why she basically allows the first guy to spit on our relationship (and me) without doing a damn thing about it. Is this normal? Is it just in my head? What can I say or do to get through this, because I have noticed that it is putting a big strain on our relationship. I just feel sick whenever she tells me about who said or did what to her that day, and I feel like if I express how I really feel about it, she'd just clam up and not tell me about the stuff anymore, which would just increase my anxiety over the whole thing. Again, I have no reason to believe she has or is cheating on me, but it's like she takes it as close as she can sometimes, whether it's for the thrill or for the attention or what...but I just can envision a scenario where she allows it to go too far. It's gotten to that point a few times (got drunk and slept next to a guy that liked her...she said they didn't do anything - she was in the bed and he was on the floor...also got a little "frisky" with a stripper at a bachelorette party, but nothing too major).

    Any help/advice would definitely be appreciated. I just can't seem to work this out on my own or with her...
     
  2. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    This is actually quite normal. You never defined your boundary right from the start. It could be harder to turn things around now. What you should've done is be clear and consist on what is acceptable behaviors. I still think you are being too nice about this. That's one of the reasons why the problem keep going on. You need to precisely tell her you wont' accept certain things from her and if she violated, there will be a consequences. When she said "fine..I won't talk to them", you should've said "thank you for respecting my wish, that is what I want." and not the nice guy "i want you to have friends..". In true essence, you don't want her to talk to that guy again so you need to straight up tell her that and stop walking on eggshells.
     
  3. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    she knows you will accept whatever she gives you, so she is free to do as she likes with impunity

    she loves the attention she gets from other guys, that is obvious

    in her mind, you have put a very low price on yourself. you aren't rare and hard to find.

    she knows you will never break up with her
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    There's where you made your mistake.

    BTW, she loves the attention she's getting from those two guys, that's why she keeps them around. If you were smart you would tell her you'd like her to stop speaking to them, or at least seeing them so often. I don't trust them whatsoever. They probably hit on her hardcore and she loves it and doesn't turn it down, so I don't see how that's a good thing.

    It's nice that you want her to have friends, most guys in your situation would tell her "YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH THEM!" and I'm not saying you have to say that...But it's obviously bothering you and you need to tell her. Tell her that you do want her to have friends and that you trust her with male friends...but that you don't trust those guy friends. You need to tell her how you really feel.
     

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