Confused.....

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by LongDongWong, May 12, 2005.

  1. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    I have been seeing this girl for 8 months now, we see each other every day and she sleeps over at my house and leaves when I go to work everyday....I asked her to be my Gf once she said yes, but then day later she said only highschool kids do that.( me =26 her=26) :ugh: 3months into it she tells me she really loves me then on the 6th month I propose to her and she says yes, I believe she is the one........we call off wedding after 3 weeks becuase of financial issues....and it went down hill from there....8th month into it I get jealous one night and she gets upset, and says we should spend time apart from each other.....she also mentions that I dont show her that I love her but only tell her..... present day we have not talked for 1 week now .....what happens now???? anything I can do? (sorry 4 long story)
     
  2. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    take a break, see if you two love eachother. if you do, get back together. change your ways a bit (take her out to dinner, show her you love her somehow) talk alot. communication is key to all relationships.
     
  3. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    we go out to eat almost everyday....only at nice restaurants, gets expensive.......there is only so much you can talk about after awhile you run out of things to talk about....or am I wrong?

    when you hear "we need to spend less time together", does that mean its over and he/she met someone else???
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    sounds like she's not right for you... quiet spells are ok but she sounds like she can't commit.
     
  5. matrixan

    matrixan New Member

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    If she sleeps at your house and i assume you did all the other good stuff, she is your GF, why would ask her?! Proposing in 6 months in my opinion is too early. What happens now is she is probably waiting for you to show her that you love her --> think this one through, impress her, dont do anything boring, think what she likes or was amused about....
     
  6. matrixan

    matrixan New Member

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    You do run out of things if you are going out to eat everyday, eating is inactive. You dont need expensive restaurants, expensive restaurants are for special occasions. Better spend that money doing something else like a hobby, join dancing classes, join a climbing place - gets addictive and you help each other.... or something like that.

    Spend less time - could mean anything, but in this situation (restaurants) it gets repeditive and uniteresting... get creative!
     
  7. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Run.

    I was told the "You don't show me you love me" crap too! What do you call, food on your plate, a roof over your head, me beside you every night, holding you tight, thinking about you and calling you when I need to hear your voice, etc?

    She still is in HS so your action of asking herto be your GF, was right on the mark!
     
  8. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    she's just not that into you... :sad2: sorry...
     
  9. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

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    then why did she agree to marry him in the first place then chica?




    if i girl agrees to marry me, i assume our relationship is more then just a fling.
     
  10. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    Women need assurance and affection.'I love you' are just words. Maybe she doesn't feel loved.

    Sit her down and ask her to be honest with you. Ask her what she needs.
     
  11. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    she's told me a couple of times she doesnt feel close to me.......I asked her what I need to do inorder to help her feel close to me and she said its hard to explain and its a feeling that cant be put into words.......could it be becuase Im quiet? my personality is mellow and quiet, she is the exact opposite....upbeat and talkative. Should I talk more? whenever I get quiet she asks me what am I thinking about when in my mind Im not thinking about anything......Im just quiet.
     
  12. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    If she can't communicate with you how she feels then she can't expect you to 'fix' things.

    Sometimes I find it's hard to put my feelings into words. It's so frustrating, but it's the only way my SO can try and understand what the hell is going on. Tell her to think long and hard about what she wants. Communication is the key to a successful relationship.
     
  13. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    Oh and good luck!

    ;)
     
  14. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    thanks :)
     
  15. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Perhaps what she wants is a spiritual connection with you. How much do you guys talk about your true feelings on things? It's ok to be quiet as long as you make up for it by saying something profound. But you could also work on not being quiet. Just ramble about whatever is on your mind even if it doesn't mean anything. Express every little opinion.
     
  16. bobbarker70

    bobbarker70 New Member

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    6 months and u propose to her? idk thats wierd to me
     
  17. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    I swore to myself I wouldn't post any of my ideas here anymore, but you seem to be in a pickle...

    It's true, you DO need to spend time apart, but that doesn't mean your relationship needs to go to hell! To do so, come up with 10-20 goals for yourself, and write them down. They don't have to be in any order, and they don't have to all be huge goals. If one that you wrote can be performed daily, put a "D" next to it on your list.

    Now every day (preferrably before bed), sit down and READ your list and IMAGINE yourself in PRESENT TENSE as if you have accomplished that goal. Say my goal is to own a Porsche; I would imagine myself driving the Porsche and enjoying it, and tell myself, "I own this Porsche." Repeating this enough will trick your subconscience into really wanting this goal to get done, and you will start to SEE that your goals go from imagination to a close reality.

    Now.. WHY did I just tell you that? Because it seems your relationship is becoming boring and your girlfriend sees you as a CLINGY and BORING wussbag.

    Harsh? You bet.
    True? Probably so.

    She fell in love with someone who was MYSTERIOUS and who she had to FIGURE OUT. Then after you both realized you "love" each other, you let your 'shell' go away and now she knows EVERYTHING about you. Women typically don't find that attractive. They need to always be in the dark about something, because it piques their interest, and that is what they want.

    Also, this list of goals will keep you BUSY. As in, not next to her 24/7!! She'll start realizing you're not around all day to snuggle with or whatever it is you did to make her bored, and will have to start COMPETING for your time. In other words, you will be CHALLENGING her by staying busy and out of reach, also making you come off as INDEPENDENT and more MYSTERIOUS. Seperating yourself from her and making HER contact you will work wonders. It increases the tension (this is good) between you two and makes you more desirable in her eyes.

    Oh, and DON'T BE A WUSSY! Don't openly say you love her and all that clingy jazz. It's like OFF for women, except it's 100% effective, unlike the bug spray. :madfawk: TEASE her playfully and be more CONFIDENT (your goals should help you with this as well).

    Leave questions and I'll try to answer them.
     
  18. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    so spend less time with one another....have her call me and compete for my time, while Im keeping myself busy with other things....

    does that cover it ... :wiggle:

    i guess if I look back I did expose myself to soon.
     
  19. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    That's not all, but those are the most important.
     
  20. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    what did i miss..? talking on the phone everyday would be bad?
     
  21. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    right before all the drama started she told me out of the blue on a Wednesday night she was going to a wedding. If i didnt have to work friday she said she would want me to go, I arrange to get friday off and she changes her mind and doesnt want me to go ..... she then tells me we need to spend less time together. She's leaving Friday morning and coming back saturday night around 11pm....here's my problem...I asked her when she knew about it and she said wednesday morning (dont you get a couple months notice?) and that its an old friends wedding...she does not know where she is going to stay overnight, does not want to tell me her friends name, does not want to let me know what time she is leaving and she's driving there by herself ... 450miles one way to the wedding...and the it's taking place on a friday(dont they usually occur on the weekend?)...then driving back saturday afternoon......she always takes pictures when she goes somewhere special (birthdays, parties, weddings) but this time she told me there will be no pictures so I shouldnt ask......am I just being paranoid about all of this?
     
  22. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    for starters... you moved waaaay too fast in this relationship. i'm not saying that proposing was the wrong thing to do, but if it's right at 6 months, why wouldn't it be right at 6 years?

    imo, i get the vibe that she's 'just not that into you' because someone who was into you would stop at no lengths to get what they wanted. when you asked to add the title of boyfriend/girlfriend to your relationship and she said, "only high school kids do that," to me, it sounds like she was saying, "no i don't want to change our relationship with one another." :rolleyes: before girls get bashed here... lemme tell ya, guys do it, too. no one likes to hurt the people they care about. we all realize that everyone has feelings. :)

    i can't tell you why she jumped at the chance to marry you. like i said before, i think you're moving waaaay too fast. maybe she got caught up in the moment, maybe you made the proposal public, and maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings. i will tell you one thing tho. this girl DOES NOT know who she is or what she wants. the constant swaying back and forth leads me to believe that she's taking you and your heart on a roller coaster ride... at your expense.

    :o... it's hard for me to say this since it's somewhat hypocritical, but here goes. communication is very important in a relationship (which i believe i have no problem with ;)), but along with communication comes emotions and feelings. MANY guys, and girls (me being one of them :o), have a hard time telling people how they feel, even the ones they're supposedly the closest to. my friend is one of the most emotional people i know, and i love that to death about him. you can always count on him to tell it like it is... whether it's good news or bad news. it's hard to open ourselves up to others because it leaves us so vulnerable and easily let down. :sad2: if you cannot trust your significant other... your best friend, your lover... who can you trust? you should be able to tell this person anything and everything.

    that said, one of the most important things in a relationship is space. maybe i'm too independent, but i can't fathom the idea of spending the majority of my time with a significant other. i want to be able to think and be the matter that i am... alone. :rofl: time apart makes you appreciate the time you do spend with that person. feel free to have your own friends, your own hobbies, and your own interests with others besides your significant other. one of my older friends (35+) said it best, imo. he and his wife have been married 10+ years. they're both very independent and have very different personalities. they both have their own friends and interests, yet are each other's best friend and make each other happy. :) they truly have, imo, an amazing relationship and marriage.

    my advice to you? first of all, don't play games. they are a :nono:. i would be honest with this girl, and tell her how you feel. the conflicting responses would be too much for ME to even handle, so i would let her have the responsibility of taking charge. i honestly think you should both take some time to yourselves. don't talk to her for awhile, but let her know the reasons why you're doing so. you deserve better than to be strung along and confused. :sad2: tell her when she figures out her life and what she wants that you'll be willing to talk again...if even as friends (if that's how you feel). :sad2: i honestly think that you should take separate pathes because you're the one that's really being hurt here.
     
  23. symptic

    symptic I run companies

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    You need to drop her out of life mang. Sounds like she's just going to make it miserable from here on out.

    BUT, if you still like her, you'll be smart enough to help yourself and get working on those goals. They're not meant to get her back, they're meant to get YOU forward. It works too. Just keep them on your mind; the beginning is the hardest, but once you get the hang of it, you'll always be thinking of your goals, and when you go against them, you'll feel like complete and utter shit.

    i.e.: One of my goals was to eat healthier at school. I got cookies one day, even though I knew I shouldn't have, and I didn't enjoy them at all. Then after lunch was over, I was beating myself up so bad about breaking my goal. It's like having a coahc inside your mind, and it's well worth the investment (effort).
     
  24. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    listen to chica :bowdown:
     
  25. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Wow it seems that everytime I read a new post from Chica, I fall in love. :rofl: You give me renewed hope that someday I may meet someone that sees things the same or similar to the way I see things.

    I hate head games. That's all this chick is doing to you, this latest thing with the "wedding", yeah for some reason I don't believe there is a wedding as she decribes, but I don't think you do either. ;)
     

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