confused and down

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by PostingWorld, Jun 15, 2006.

  1. PostingWorld

    PostingWorld Da Man with da plan

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    i dont know if anyone can really help me here, but I have so much on my mind at the moment, and I cant hold it in anymore. there is this girl ive been talking to for about a week now, and she is so sweet, and i just love being around her. well, i tell her all the time how i feel about her and how much i care for her, but she keeps telling me she needs time (she just broke up with her bf of a year and 3 months). i want to respect her wishes and give her time and space, but I cant do it. I like her to much, and have so much fun just being around her. i havent ate a full meal since we have been talking. i find myself so often when we go out to eat, just looking at her and when i went to her church last night just looking in her eyes. :wtc:

    I dont know what to do, and everytime i sit at home and think about her i just cry. i want to be with her so bad, i would do anything. we have been seeing each other every day for about a week now, but in her mind she still needs time. in the past few nights we have stayed up to 2 and 1am just texting each other, saying how much we miss each other and can't wait to the next day to hangout. i went to her church last night with her after we ate super, and i haven't felt so in place or with the right person ever in my life.

    I dont know what to do, I just want to be with her, but something inside tells me that im just wasteing my time and that its not going to happen, that she still has really deep emotions for her ex, and ill never be able to ammount up to what they had. i dont know what anyone here can do for me, but i just needed to get that off my chest cause i cant do this anymore. :hs: i dont know what ill do if i cant be with her.
     
  2. SxyLambdaLady6

    SxyLambdaLady6 New Member

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    o man i know how u feel lol
    i met this guy 2 years ago and he was still with his gf and when we met we liked eachother instantly and like it was really hard cuz i wanted to be with him cuz i knew he was perfect for me (his gf was a very long distance relationship) and he ended up breaking up with her to be with me. even tho it sounded like such a good idea it def wasnt because he didnt get over her, and we had a million and 1 problems because of it. we broke up and got back together and broke up again and finally we stopped speaking for like about 7 months. he contacted me again but it was really weird, he wanted to be friends with me again altho he was still like talking to her and it was just not good situation cuz i still had feelings for him. we ended up not talkin again for a month and then he contacted me again and they ended up breaking up for good and now me and him are friends again. i didnt mind not speaking to him again because i feel that if sumthin is meant to be it will happen no matter what. it was really hard for me to accept that at that moment he was still not over his ex and it wasnt a good idea for us to try to start a relationship. i did it anyways, learned from it, and moved on. now we are friends and are possibly goin to try again in the fall but we're trying to take things day by day. sry this is so long...but my advice is that u should take things slowly let her have her time, bc if shes not ready shes not ready. even tho she may want to be ready and she misses u and stuff, inside she still misses her ex and im tellin u it will cause u a lot of grief. and i know how u feel. i felt like me and him could never have the kind of relationship that he had with his ex. they seemed so happy and i was like just like ok i def feel inferior to her. just becareful and try not to get ur feelings hurt. watch out for red flags, if they are still friends and contact each other on the regular u def dont want to mess with her, its just gonna cause u grief...:wtc: hope i helped good luck!
     
  3. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    im in the same boat :o

    this girl who lived on my floor last year was dating a guy who had to take 2nd semester off. they continued it through spring break and a little bit past it. after spring break we started hanging out more and more, and then when they broke up, we started hooking up. we went on a few dates, fooled around a little, blah blah.

    we were 3 weeks into "dating" when summer hit, and we had to go our separate ways (her in seattle, me in colorado)... we talk maybe 4-5 times a week right now, and she told me she is unsure of what she wants. she says she isnt ready for another relationship, blah blah blah. i told her thats fine, ill give her the summer to think things through and we'll see how it goes from there.

    i care about this girl A LOT. she cares about me. its the timing that fucked it all up. if we were still together in Boston, we would be all over each other right now.
     
  4. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    You are the biggest wuss I have ever encountered in my life. YOU'VE BEEN SEEING HER ONE WEEK!
     
  5. Critter

    Critter New Member

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    My take on it:

    1. Yes, she needs time to get over her ex.
    2. She's afraid of geting hurt again.

    You've done all you can do for now. You've let her know you're interested, and if she's texting you with "I miss you" that tells me there's at least SOME interest on her part. All I can say is, take what you can get (the friendship), and if she becomes ready for a relationship with you, you'll be there. If not, well, you'll have a friend. :big grin:

    Just don't put too much pressure on her, or you'll scare her away. ;)
     
  6. WeRdToYoMoThA

    WeRdToYoMoThA Girlies on Standby, Waiting to say Hi

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    he isnt being a wuss... he is just frustrated that it isnt working between him and the girl, both of whom like each other. and the only reason its not working is because of the timing. its frustrating. ive been there. i still am there.
     
  7. SxyLambdaLady6

    SxyLambdaLady6 New Member

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    i know, me and my ex would always tell eachother that if we had met at a different time then it would have been ok, but i mean things happen and u cant do anything about it, just gotta deal with what u got i guess :dunno:
     
  8. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    in the same boat hah

    this girl says she isnt ready for a relationship right now...

    funny thing is like a week ago she said she was ready for one, but i guess had a revalation. I think she was PMSing and shiet, ima just persuade her back into relationship mode this weekend :p but i'm having trouble getting this off my mind cause in the back of my head i'm saying this isn't going to turn out how i want it to :p but i really want it to, so we'll see, she says she really likes me :x bleh

    girls sucks.. hah
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I'm sorry, but how old are you? To be honest, this post makes you sound very very young.
     
  10. poopies4u

    poopies4u Active Member

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    In the same boat kinda

    That whole not being able to eat thing happened to me last year and boy does that suck... nothing like losing 5-10 due to a girl
    I want this girl so bad but I'm not trying to show it too much, I want her to come to me but I know i'll fuck it up
     
  11. PostingWorld

    PostingWorld Da Man with da plan

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    fuck me and my life. i give up on all relationships
     
  12. Pseudonym

    Pseudonym --

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    thats the spirit... when things don't work the first time, QUIT:rolleyes:
     
  13. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    ok..

    - it's been a week and you're talking relationship. you're coming off as desperate
    - back off a bit, don't make yourself so available.
     
  14. sk0rcher

    sk0rcher The universe is watching

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    My current gf for like 3 weeks wont do shit right now :( I guess she got hurt pretty bad in her last relationship, so I get screwed. I really need some help...
     
  15. tominos

    tominos New Member

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    seriously man. you've been talkin to this girl a week and you're coming off as super clingy man.

    take my advice man.. just ease up on her. give it time. if things work out, they work out. don't get too worked up just on this one week that you and her have been talking. i've been there too.
     
  16. PostingWorld

    PostingWorld Da Man with da plan

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    well she told me last night that she just wants to stay single right now and flirt around but still wants to hangout with me and do stuff togther just not so often, so
     
  17. SxyLambdaLady6

    SxyLambdaLady6 New Member

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    she wants to stay single VS u wanting a relationship with her

    not a good mix :ugh:
     
  18. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Here's my take on it:

    Okay, fine and dandy, have you asked her out on a date? Like a real date where it's just the two of you having a coffee/soda/drink and you're dressed up, etc.?

    Have you been flirting and joking with her? What have you been talking about? Have you been keeping quiet and asking her about herself and seeing if she asks questions about you (to which you, of course, are evasive and instead say something teasing or funny)? Have you poked fun at her and give her a hard time?

    Oh, no, you've been kissing her ass? This is kind of like a dog humping your leg. Look, it's great that the dog wants to fuck your leg and all, but are you going to let it keep doing that? Of course not, that's not fun. It's desperate.

    Generally speaking if you tell a woman "all the time how I feel about her" and how much you care for her she is going to RUN the fuck away. You are being a desperate, clingly, big baby. She doesn't want that, not many women do - if any. What does she want? Most women want a guy who DOESN'T kiss her ass, and instead has confidence (self-confidence), self-control and self-respect, and is fun to be with but not a push over. They want a challenge, a guy who they can banter with and play with and flirt with, stuff like that.

    Telling her how great she is gets old REAL fast - like the FIRST time you say it.

    Rule #1 - compliment a woman only once, and even then compliment her on something she has DONE not something that she is.

    Example:

    Great: You know your socks are mis-matched. ... Gotcha, just kidding!
    Good: Hey, that's a great outfit.
    Good: Hey, you look pretty nice today.
    Bad: Hey, you're really cool.
    Bad: Hey, you're really beautiful.
    Horrible: Hey, you're really cool and beautiful and I really like you and want to be your boyfriend. :ugh:
    Psycho: I love you and really want you and I'll be the best boyfriend you've ever had.

    This is what is commonly called "an EXCUSE." This is utter and complete bullshit. I'll bet you money that she'll date some other guy in a matter of weeks. What happened to "I need time" you ask? It's simple. She doesn't need time, she needs a mature, exciting, challenging male partner, and you're not it. In fact, she is so worried about you that she can't tell you the truth for fear of crushing your feelings. She is worried that you are so socially unskilled (notice the word skilled - this means you can, and will, learn how to do this right if you want) that if she told you the truth you'd pester her more or be really depressed, both of which suck for her.

    Actions speak louder than words. She simply doesn't want to date you because you're too "wrong" for her.

    Let it go.

    You're treating her like she's your long-lost mother or something. She thinks you are stalking her, and you have...

    ONE-ITIS.

    Go Google that up, buddy.

    Well, for one, ask yourself this question: What woman in her right mind wants to date a guy that goes home and acts like a little girl? Women want a male partner who demonstrates strength, who is stable, fun to be with, talkative, etc. If you go home and cry you weaken yourself and scare her away.

    Yeah, but as friends. Dude, if she's not spending time with you in person she is keeping her distance. You're being a girlfriend to her, and she likes that, but you need to learn your lesson that texting back and forth is a GREAT way to get friendzoned. Don't stay up all night being her bestest friend ... ask her out on a date. Go on a date with her IN PERSON. If things don't work out, then move on and find a woman who will actually return the feelings.

    Did she touch you? Did she flirt with you? Did she stand close to you? Did you determine her interest level in you? Did she talk only to you? Did she ask to be picked up? Did she buy you something or do something for you?

    That "gut feeling" is the one telling you "Hey, dude, we need to learn how to be more social with women, need to learn how to judge if she likes, she doesn't return our affection so we need to GROW and LEARN how to become more attractive to women."

    Your body is telling you that you need to seek out new ways to learn how to court women (courtship) and how to flirt, joke, etc. There are lots of resources out there, some good, some bad. You need to go find them.

    Well, you need a good :slap: to wake up. If you want to be with a special woman, this special woman, you have to be MORE than just yourself, you have to pull yourself together, you have to STOP kissing her ass, you have to stop being available for her all day and all night like a therapist, and you have to learn ... shit, a lot!

    You may want to check out some of these sites, as I found a lot of good advice from them. Of course, not everything is good, so don't blindly think I recommend or even advocate all of the advice found on them!

    http://www.SoSuave.net - I like this site

    http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/ - The Don Juan Bible - a great read (Notice the many downloadable e-books there)

    http://www.fastseduction.com/youarenew/ nice list, read with care

    http://www.fastseduction.com/asf-faq.shtml#questions - good list of FAQ

    http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/dating_self_help.htm - a great overview of Doc Love's philosophy which I think is very good and ....

    http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/ - articles by Doc Love which are often very good. (Note: Not all articles on that site are his, so pay attention to the authors as you click around.)

    I would recommend you get Doc Love's Dating Dictionary/System which you can usually pick up cheap on eBay. HIs advice is far and above the best of any guru I have found in general, but he does not cover approaching women, etc. For that ....

    David DeAngelo has hit site here:

    http://www.doubleyourdating.com/

    He has some interesting material, although it's not very thorough. However, I am finding that his monthly interviews with Gurus ($20/mo) are pretty good.

    Sign up for his free email letter, it will give you some good *starter* advice on what you need to do.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/listmania/fullview/2YD49JCKQVDBW/002-9438154-0924801?_encoding=UTF8 - David DeAngelo's suggested reading list

    www.MysteryMethod.com - also a great "approach" site, but the author freely admits he cannot maintain a long term relationship.

    http://www.pickupguide.com/ - Maniac High's Pick up guide - some good info, some bad (moreso than other sites).

    So as you can see, not all advice is good and some maybe actually work against you. You want to be BALANCED in what you do - confident and funny, not arrogant and rude. What good is meeting and asking women out only to get dumped a few months later? You have to be well rounded, a good man, exciting, otherwise it's all for naught. ;)

    But this all means YOU have to work on YOU. She is not magically going to come around just because you kiss her ass. You REALLY need to stop doing that.

    Got a DVD player? Go rent "The Tao of Steve" RIGHT NOW. This movie alone will address some of the issues you have. You should watch that about 2-3 times until you have everything down. You're a "Stew" right now, you are kissing women's asses and thinking it's going to get you somewhere.

    Obviously EVERYTHING you've been doing is backwards, since you are not getting results. If you keep trying harder it's like you are trying to loosen a bolt with a 4-foot breaker bar, and pretty soon you're going to find out that all you had to do was turn it the other way because it's a backwards threaded bolt. Women are like that - they are backwards from what you think.

    Here's a tip - any advice your mother or women have given you? Do the exact opposite. If they told you to get her flowers ... get her nothing. If they said to compliment her ... poke fun at her (but not in a rude way!) If they said call her a lot ... wait a week to call her. (All good advice, in my experience.)

    With that said, you need to realize that now is the time for you to LEARN about women and how to make yourself be attractive so they come to you. You don't chase women like you are now - it scares them off.

    Go read some of those links, rent that movie, then come back and see what you can do differently to attract her - or more likey some other woman. You've already scared this one off as far as romance, in my opinion.

    Good luck! :wavey:
     
  19. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    She's backing away, gave you an excuse, because you pushed too hard. See how that worked?

    Rule #2: Never tell a woman your feelings for her - SHOW her in actions, such as spending time with her IN PERSON.

    Rule #3: The phone/texting is to be used for setting up dates ONLY. No long conversations or back and forth all night BS.
     
  20. tominos

    tominos New Member

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    once again. poco pulls through with great info.
     
  21. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Well, if it's only been a week, of course she might not want to do stuff with you so often, especially if you've been doing stuff a week.

    IT'S BEEN A FUCKING WEEK ONLY, LEARN TO GIVE HER SOME SPACE!!!

    Sorry, but from your first post, it sounded like you were probably suffocating her, and coming on way too strong. She's basically told you to back off and give her some space. I suggest you do what she asks.

    Poco, question on why you can't have long conversations on the phone. Is it because it's impossible to read the non-verbals?
     
  22. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    i have long convos like once a month with a girl on the phone, but thats because she cant hang out or something like that :( but yeah. You'll get friendzoned if you do it alot.
     
  23. tominos

    tominos New Member

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    i think the nono on long convos on the phone is so that you're not too available too her. make yourself scarce and mysterious, women like that :hsughno:
     
  24. Camp2Win

    Camp2Win Touch my tralala

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    Wait woah, you're the guy with the "virgin...I think not" thread?

    How do those two threads work together?
     
  25. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Sounds like you're a little desparate, eh? :ugh2:
     

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