SRS Confused about EX

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by killer4605, Jul 31, 2006.

  1. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    this bitch is always telling me she misses me, loves me, wants to kiss, etc but then i find out she's flirting with her other ex (the guy she cheated on with me).

    background info:

    she and i dated for 15 months, this tool comes in and plays the friend game to break us up, she dates him, she sleeps with me, she breaks it off with him. and now here we are. she never slept with him. when i ask her what she wants from us she says she just wants to be friends (w/ benefits apparently) and when i ask her if she wants to get back with him she says no.

    i don't get it. i'm about to kick this bitch out of my life. i'm so sick of being strung along for over 2 fucking months now. i don't want FRIENDSHIP from her. i love her and there's no fucking way i can settle for being "just friends". i can't stand by and watch her date other guys and be fine with it. i love her too much. i want a relationship or nothing.

    looks like i'll be taking the latter.
     
  2. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    i swear i'm starting to resent her so much now. as much as she tells me she loves me and doesn't want to lose me, i get the feeling that if i were to cut things off, she wouldn't give a shit past the first day since she will have that fuckhead to lean on. and i can almost guarantee they would get back together (if they aren't planning on it already)

    this girl has made me the most miserable i've ever been in my life. i don't understand how i can still love her so much after all she's put me through. why is the heart so fucking blind?
     
  3. DJDarknez

    DJDarknez New Member

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    I feel you on that one. One of my previous ex's and I dated for 3 times for about 16 months or so. And that was a few years ago. I still catch myself thinking about her from time to time. The third time we broke up, I more or less told her off, but I still think about her.
     
  4. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    get rid of her as soon as you can, and move on.
     
  5. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    any regrets? tips? you still feel the way i do after all these years?
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Is there any question? You need to get away right now. Stop all contact. This girl is bad news.
     
  7. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    your advice is most likely the best to take... but it is so hard to cut off someone i'm so in love with. i tear up just thinking about it.
     
  8. DJDarknez

    DJDarknez New Member

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    I ingnore it. Even though I do sometimes miss her, I feel no need whatsoever to try and get in contact with her. She'll probably try and contact me anyways, she's already done it on myspace. :rolleyes:
     
  9. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    so you went through the same bullshit i'm going through and decided to just call the quits?

    what's the best way to go about doing this? just stop talking to her without explanation... wait another week until she gets back to the US and talk face to face about everything.... just do it now by email/AIM?

    i don't even know what the hell to say. how's this for a face to face confrontation?

    you know i love you with all my heart right? i've always been there for you... whether you needed emotional support or you had no one else to turn to and you just needed help. we both know that you and i are the 2 most indecisive people in the world... but there is one thing i am sure of... i want a relationship with you, not a friendship. i know you told me you just want to be friends so i'm not going to push anything on you... *hand her b-day present (scrap book i made of our past 15 months together)* happy birthday baby. i love you. *give hug and say*if you change your mind about the way you feel you know my number.

    and just leave

    i know it would be unwise to date her again, but i would. i love this girl with all my heart and unless i happen to have another gf at the time, i'd be willing to give things another shot with her.
     
  10. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    So you love cheaters? You love girls who care so little about your feelings that they can hurt you in the worst way?

    I think you need to reevaluate what exactly you are loving here, because I doubt it's her.
     
  11. DJDarknez

    DJDarknez New Member

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    Way back, after the second time we broke up (the real emotional one) we talked for a little while, we hung out a little bit. But I couldn't really adjust to the fact that we were not together anymore. So, one day, I just stopped talking to her. Didn't answer phone calls, text messages, IM's...nothing. She actually showed up at my house one day and begged me to talk to her again. It lasted all of two weeks before I did it again.

    All things considered, I thought I did the right thing. The more you prolong this, the longer it's not going to feel any better. Let her go. Take some time if you need to, or IF you feel your ready for it, go looking for another. IF your ready.
     
  12. Zenmang

    Zenmang New Member

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    Leaving is the best option.

    Love is based on trust and you don't trust her anymore, you have already given it a shot and it failed.

    It took me 3 tries and 3 years. First 2 were just dumb breaks, we were both just scared of commitment. Third try she cheated on me. I broke up with her. I would have married this girl, it totally caught me off guard.

    It's been a little over a year. I still think of her but i love myself more than i love her.

    I've had many relationships that have failed. Never have I thought i would want to marry one. This one was to be it, it was all planned out in my mind. I got over it, so can you.

    Get rid of her, she's not worth your time now.
     
  13. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    Killer,

    I can understand where you are coming from. Right now it seems like you really do love this girl and you are hanging onto what you have (or had) in the past. You realize that you are in a cents being used by this women that you love and you are being hurt in the process. This women is also contemplating 2 guys in her life who she wants and she is playing a game with both of your hearts and she is having a field trip with it. I am sorry to have to say this but you need to figure yourself out. What do you want? What does this women mean to you? What is it that you want out of this? If you want this women in your life do you want to share her with the other man or do you want her to yourself? This is something that you are going to have to figure out. I know its hard. I have been there and I am still going through it. It is difficult to live through and to pick up the pieces after they have shattered but we all move on. Right now you seem to be really upset and angry and with good reason. No one likes to feel that they have been used. Your self esteem has been put into jeopardy and right now you need to reclaim your loss in self. Find yourself and what you value and what you would like to have happen and put that into action. If you need anyone to talk to I am here for you.
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    killer, you love what you remember from the past. The current girl is no longer what you remember.
    And she does not return your love.

    If you choose to go back...you've chosen pain.
    So what's greater? Your need for the memories of old superseding your pain? Or your willpower and self-respect.


    You won't convince yourself otherwise, so go ahead and plead with her to get back.
    You will find her slowly disengaging from you once she knows you're chasing her again. Go ahead. Do it.

    Everybody has to learn the hard way it seems.
     
  15. miniml

    miniml New Member

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    im in your same boat. to get her out off my life, i deleted myspace, blocked her on AIM, never call her, never pick up her phone calls to my cell, and immediately delete the messages she leaves.
     
  16. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    I don't know man... when I think about her I know that I truely do love her. I know she's put me through shit I don't deserve and I know I can find someone better... but I just fucking love this girl so much. I can't explain it.. not even to myself.

    I was so in love with her that I believed our lives were intertwined.. I never made any life decisions without considering our relationship. She's the reason I am going to the same university she's at this fall... and it sucks because she's the only person I know there.

    Now it's like a slap in the face because i'm back to reality and it hurts knowing that we each have our own separate lives that have nothing to do with one another. I know i'm young and naive (19) but I honestly would have married this girl. We even talked about it and would go around to different home furnishing places and show each other what we like and what we would want in our house... 9 times out of 10 we picked the same shit.

    I want her... she means alot to me. At one point I honestly loved her more than my own family. I don't want to share her. I don't even want her to be around that other guy or talk to him... it makes me so jealous and angry.

    I know it's stupid as fuck, but after we broke up I took things so bad that I ended up turning to drugs and even contemplated suicide... i'm just glad that I had friends and family who cared enough to help me through that.

    You know you're probably right. I love the past... we were so amazing together. I was happy just laying in bed with her with my arm around her. She could turn the worst day into the best... I'm not going to plead with her to get back. I know that wouldn't work and I am not some fucking dog to sit there and beg for her to be with me. Fuck That.

    You know what, it might honestly come down to that. Take her off facebook, ignore phone calls, etc. I just don't think I can do it yet... i've thought about it alot and I don't want to kick her out of my life because I love her... but I know I can't keep going on like this. It's slowly killing me.


    I really want to give us another chance. I KNOW we can work it out... learn from the few mistakes of the past. It just sucks that she's not willing to try and will just settle for friendship. I don't want that. From everything I know about this girl and everything I've gotten out of her best friend, she is scared as hell of getting into a serious relationship and "losing her independance". I saw some of that when we broke up... plus it didn't help that the other guy was already lined up and ready to take over :wtc:

    I really appreciate you guys responding and helping me out... can you guys tell me what you think of what I posted above? I'll just quote it here:

     
  17. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Remember the PM I sent you? She had been flirting with me for a month up until that point when she said that she just wants to be friends. Come to find out the past 2 weeks she's been flirting with that other guy she cheated on.

    I feel like i'm getting dumped for this guy AGAIN. She said she'd rather be with me than him (relationship-wise) but she still wants to date other people.

    I just don't understand why she has to date other people if she was happy with me. I've asked her about our past alot and she always says she was happy and we were great together and blah blah blah. Load of bs, right?

    I love this girl with all my heart... more than anyone else in the world... but i'm getting to the point where i'm just about to say fuck it, fuck you, fuck off.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yes, you are correct on all counts.

    Yes, you loved her. Yes, she loved you.
    Yes you still love her. Yes, she cheated.
    Yes you used you and is continuing to use you.

    And yes, you should just say 'fuck right off' to her.
     
  19. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Just so no one gets confused, she didn't cheat on me, she cheated on the other guy with me.

    I think i'm just afraid to go to a new college (grad school no less) and not know anyone and the only person I do know I wouldn't be on speaking terms with.
     
  20. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    i know how you feel. its really hard to just stop losing feelings for someone you love. but you have to do it, for you. Just think about how its for your best interest, shes cheating "girl". :p

    as bad as it is, find a new girl, rebound. or even just going on random dates with different girls. seemed to really work for me :) kinda, i still think about my ex sometimes :/
     
  21. tehshift

    tehshift Member

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    i am going through the same thing as you. she still tells me she loves me, that i am her soul mate, and she knows eventually she wants to be back with me. yet i find messages of her sending to another guy about how she hasnt had feelings for me in over 4 years and she feels like she loves this other guy. she was the first and only girl i have ever had these strong of feelings for, and for me to find something like that absolutely kills me. i'm trying to take the same advice and just break contact with her completly for a few weeks, and then maybe talk to her about how i feel then. but right now i say fuck the bitch and maybe thats what you should do too =/
     
  22. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    :hug:

    sorry to hear that bro
     
  23. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    confronting ex right now... says she wants to date the other guy again... details to follow
     
  24. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    she wants to try being friends.... but says there's no promises about what might or might not happen with the other guy

    i said i'm willing to try.

    if it gets shitty i'll kick her to the curb
     
  25. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I think you mean "shittier" the deal is already pretty shitty. For you, that is.
    It's pretty sweet for her.

    As your counsel, I advise you to walk away from this deal as presently structured, but of course, ultimately the client can do whatever they want.
     

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