Conflicted about staying with GF

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Dmar, Mar 30, 2007.

  1. Dmar

    Dmar Jump

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    I've been with my gf almost a year and a half...and I don't know how I feel about her. She's my first girlfriend, and I'm a junior in college.

    On the one hand, she is completely perfect. She never gives me any crazy, psycho girl drama. We've had like no serious arguments. She gives me no trouble at all.

    But on the other hand, I feel like there is some kind of deep connection missing. Whenever we hang out all we do is watch TV and other meaningless shit. We never have any "deep" conversations. It kind of seems like everything's superficial. I don't even feel like telling her about some important ideas/experiences I've had because I feel like she's not really interested in hearing about it. Sometimes I don't even feel like I know her...we just sort of go through the motions. I don't feel like she fits in with my friends either...we only hang out alone...and I feel like my friends are kind of hurt by that.

    We used to talk over an hour on the phone every day. For awhile now it's been getting shorter and shorter...most of the time the phone calls feel just like some task I have to take care of and get out of the way. I'm home on spring break now, so I haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks...but I really can't even say if I'm looking forward to seeing her when I get back...I'd rather hang out with my friends.

    I would kind of like to break up with her. But there's two things stopping me:
    1) I still love her, but I don't know if I mean it when I say it. We've done a lot of stuff together over the past 1.5 years...and it hurts to think of losing that. I kind of feel like I love her just because we've been together so long...I don't know if I love her in the romantic sense anymore.

    I say this because whenever she stays at my place for a few days, I miss her when she leaves, for a day or so. But after she's been gone a day or so I almost stop looking forwad to seeing her again.

    2) I worry about hurting her. I live around all my friends and hang out with them all the time. She lives at home. It kind of seems like I'm the only thing she has right now. Although, she still has friends in the area...she probably would hang out with them more if I wasn't around...but she would still be missing a lot without me...I think.

    I feel like I should be spending more time hanging out with my friends while I'm in college and having more fun on my own or with other chicks...or at least spending time with someone who I have a deep connection with. I also miss the "chase."

    Anyone gone through something similar and have any advice?
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    you've posted this before, amirite?
     
  3. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    break up with her. if you don't, you will continue to drift further and further apart until a) it will become even harder to break up with her or b) you will cheat on her.

    break up now and stay friends with her. she sounds like a good girl; she deserves someone who is more interested in her and who she has more in common with.
     
  4. Dmar

    Dmar Jump

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    urite...asylum

    still can't make a decision

    I might be working far away for the summer, maybe that'll help me do this. :hsd:
     
  5. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    you cant worry about hurting her

    you have to do whats best for you
     
  6. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Agreed. So many people lose sight of their own happiness/feelings while trying to make everyone else happy.

    If you feel it's best to break it off with her, do it. Plain and simple. You're young, no need to get further in something that would be messier and harder to get off of somewhere down the road.
     
  7. Dmar

    Dmar Jump

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    yes. I know I could not see myself marrying her (way too young regardless). I have 1 year of college left...I guess it's pretty clear what I need to do.

    I just wish she wasn't so oblivious. It seems like she would have no clue this could be coming.
     
  8. fray

    fray New Member

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    i'm sure she's noticed some of the same things you have. You can't have that big of a change (like talking all the time to barely talking) and not notice at all. Whether she thinks it's a big deal or realizes how you feel inside remains to be seen. However, even is she is surprised by it, I'm sure she knows on some level.

    I'll echo everyone else and say do what you need to do for yourself. She'll cope. It's not your problem as long as your try to be civil with it.
     
  9. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    you sound like you're going to do the right thing. if you don't see yourself marrying her, then get out before she starts thinking you will.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You can't force chemistry and a connection.

    This needs to be over. You might be surprised because she could feel the same.
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    Just because you assume she will react in a certain way, doesn't mean that she will.

    I once got laid off from my job via phone. The guy was in Dallas. I'm sure he was at least a little nervous and had some bad feelings about doing it (especially over the phone). In reality, I hated that job so I was relieved when I was laid off. It paid well so I wasn't going to quit.
     

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