Completely lost... relationship woes

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Deadfall, Mar 8, 2005.

  1. Deadfall

    Deadfall New Member

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    Ok, so first off a little background info. I've been seeing this girl since the second of December now, so just over three months. During that time neither of us have been seeing anyone else.

    The first few times that we went out it was extrememly fun and we both had a great time, but soon after she bought a puppy and it has for the better amount of time kept us from really going out for the night other than a few times. I don't mind just being around the house with her, but i want to do something exciting as far as taking her out, since I feel like staying around the house all the time is getting boring. Anyhow...

    Things were going great and we were officially together until she approached me one night after a gig that my band had played. She said at the time that she just wasnt ready for a relationship and still was not over her previous boyfriend. (We had started seeing each other literally 3 days after they broke up, and yes I was aware of this the whole time) She blamed herself and said that due to recent problems involving the loss of her license to to a dui, not having a job due to just finishing up school, and various other things were the reason that she thought that we should break it off.

    Normally when I'm being dumped, all emotions are raging through my head but most of all pure anger and betrayal. However, with her this just wasn't the case as I was actually very understanding of the whole situation. That and the fact that she told me that it wasn't me and I could tell that she was being truthful just by looking into her eyes.

    It wasn't a normal breakup by any means, since she still came back to the house after the gig and hungout for a few hours. The next day I talked to her on the phone for probably a good hour, where she wanted to make sure that I was okay the whole time while continuosly apologizing to me and telling me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. Hell, we even went to a sporting event the next night where I decided that regardless I was still giving her the Valentine's Day present that i had bought for her. She loved it and had me come over the next day (Valentine's Day) and made me an incredible dinner.

    For two weeks everything was pretty dull with us talking on the phone every so often and hanging out once in a while. At this point all kissing, etc. had ceased, but everything was still okay in both of our opinions.

    She then called me to ask if she would be able to stay at my place for a couple of nights since her roomates relatives would be at her place and she found them to be "less than desireable". Without thinking twice I said yes, and she later confided in me that I was the first person she had called.

    Other than spending a lot of time together for those two days, nothing else happened with the exception of still sleeping in the same bed together.

    Then two weeks ago, i took her out on a Thursday night to another sporting event that I have season tickets for and then went back to her place. We both drank alot that night and so she told me to crash at her place. I was all set for the couch when she grabbed my hand and led me upstairs where we proceeded with an out of nowhere heated make-out session. The next morning I said fuck it and called into work and I spent all day laying in bed with her and talking and cuddling. That night I went with her to her college graduation and was once again told to come back to her place to party with everyone else. Later that night after everyone left, she once again led me to her bed, but as soon as the door closed the 5 hour sexual marathon began. At this point I also found out that she's a biter and my shoulders still have the wounds to prove it.

    I ended up going over to her place again this past friday and once again it turned into another sexual marathon but then we stayed up for a few hours afterwards talking where I started to get a hint of what was going on. Basically, I've come to impression that she feels limited on what she can do when she is labeled as "girlfriend" and for some reason it confines her. I told her the last thing I would want to do is force her to do anything or make her feel that she had to do something.

    All the things that she listed before as reasons why she was "screwed up" are coming to a close: She's done with college, she's done with her dui classes and gets her license back in two weeks, she's taking her test for certification next week, and she'll be back to work probably within about two weeks of that. So all the reasons she had are now gone, but she still likes to refer to herself as crazy. I honestly think at this point that it's almost a defense mechanism to try and not get me to be so close to her.

    I've got some pretty serious feelings about her. I'm not about to say I love her, but I care for her alot. I don't know if I need to give her more time to feel comfortable to be in a relationship again, but it's not something I have a problem with doing. At this point I'm seriously confused as to what is going on with us in regards to us being together or apart and I'm not sure how to ask her without making her feel pressured. I'm so freakin lost right now it's sad.

    Hopefully someone can offer some insight or some advice as I'd greatly appreciate it. Also thanks for reading this novel of a post as it is my first here at OT and I may have gone a little overboard typing this up.
     
  2. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Ugh. Sounds like things aren't going for the better eh?

    I don't have much advice, but you are going to need to find out how much you mean to her, and you might not need to use any words. Seeing as you too don't exactly love each other yet, but both sleep with each other and have sex marathons, she might just be using you as a comfort buddy. Unless you want to get hurt, you don't want this label. What worries me is that she is setting limits on you, and is using her condition to prevent you from loving her.

    I'd say, try distancing yourself for a bit and living your own life away from hers. As always, if she truely feels something for you, she will come back. Try to subtly let her know that you're loosing feelings for her by the limits she's setting, and do this by showing her that you will live your own life, and she will only be included with it if she truely cares for you.

    Don't show as much affection to her as you normally do. If she has to spend nights at your house, don't let her get as close to you as she normally does, don't be submissive. Don't walk into a party and let her lead you right to the room.

    She could possibly see you as hardly a challenge right now, so play hard to get, maybe even very hard to get. This way you could also get what you want if you play your cards right. If she truely wants your feelings, she'll work for them.

    Good luck mate!
     
  3. dvn

    dvn New Member

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    I agree with kberkel. I say give her less attention and maybe "be busy" when she wants to hang out next. Maybe she'll see what she's missing. Sounds like youre handling it all pretty well though.
     
  4. Deadfall

    Deadfall New Member

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    Thanks for the advice. I think the part that's really confusing to me is that one of the qualities I like in her is the fact that she doesn't play games and is very straighforward most of the time. I'm starting to wonder whether this is a subconcious thing she is doing possibly? I'm optimistic that it will all work out for the better, but I think I'm going to take your advice and go that route with it.
     

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