Communication + GF's many health problems

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Brian May, Jul 31, 2006.

  1. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

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    To start off, I am 26, she is 25 and we have been dating for about 7 months. Some might say that it hasn't been too long, but I love this woman very much and I know the feeling is mutual between us. The only problems we have are in regards to communication which is mainly my fault but I need some guidance on how to work on that.

    The thing is, she has quite a few health problems which I was made aware of at the start of our relationship. She has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (JRA), osteoporosis, anemia brought on by an iron deficiency, and was just recently diagnosed with a bladder infection. Tomorrow she will be going in for a CT scan to check on her pelvic area which has made her very anxious and distraught this past week. Lately she has been in a lot of pain because of the infection as well as the JRA acting up in her joints. I completely understand and didn't take offense to it once I was informed of what was going on but it took a few days to get her to talk openly about it which she did through text messages on my phone this morning.

    Usually she is the type of person who will tell me what's going on with all this stuff, but this week she has been very distant from me, rarely talking about it. Usually she will be affectionate, "lovey-dubbey," always reminding me how much she loves me, etc but lately this hasn't been the case. We eventually talked about it this morning but even then it was hard to get information out of her. This past week my mind was wandering; I thought that the doctors found a serious problem or maybe she didn't want to be with me anymore, and all types of conclusions that I had jumped to. I hardly slept most of this week. I didn't get upset with her over it, I was mainly upset with myself because I didn't know how to approach her about it. I was afraid I'd set her off and cause her more worrying by trying to get her to talk about it. She had mentioned earlier on that she didn't want to talk about it and when I asked if everything was alright, she'd simply say "Yeah, everything is ok"

    I really do love and care for this woman very much. I try to be as supportive and comforting to her as I possibly can without being too sappy or imposing pity on her (which I know she doesn't want). Other than this ordeal we have been doing just fine, I've had no worries with her, but this is killing me. Has any of you guys ever dealt with situations like this? I'm not looking for a foolproof solution nor do I expect one from an online forum, but I'd like to hear from other people about this. This type of situation is rather new to me and I dont want to go about handling it the wrong way. Doing so could break this relationship up and I do not want that.
     
  2. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Women communicate in a couple of ways:

    -Actions. SHOW her what you want to say.
    -Subcommunication. This is 'chickspeak' or 'womanese'. Everything that comes out of your mouth is passed through a 'what does he mean by that' filter and calibrated against how she feels at that moment. This is why when you say 'that dress is too small' she hears 'you're too fat for that dress' if she is feeling fat. Learn to use subcommunication and avoid speaking logically about feelings or the relationship.
     
  3. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

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    My God! :eek: That is so true! :rofl:
     
  4. Bedroomeyes202

    Bedroomeyes202 New Member

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    I have my own health problems- while i was deployed I was involved in an accident, and shifted three of the vertabrae in my back, and got tuberculosis- ive been with my bf for over a a year and a half, and when theres problems i STILL feel distant, and its hard to talk about - its a HUGE stressor in my life, and sharing that with someone is NOT easy- especially when you really care about that person, now its not just you- its your SO thats involved too- the best thing you can do- be there, be PATIENT, listen and just show her youll support her no matter what happens... even if things take a turn for the worse...
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    all unarticulate people communicate that way. stupidity is gender-neutral.
     
  6. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    versus your style of whine - nagging your girlfriend to death with questions?

    :wavey:
     

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