SRS Coming to Terms with Friend's Death

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mars Princess, Apr 1, 2005.

  1. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    So My best friend passed away in October. I find myself crying over him after not crying for months. I thought I was on the road to recovery, but I miss him so much. :(

    I've never had someone have my back like he did, care for me, or do the things he did. He never expected anything from me. I've tried to make peace with him dying and I try to imagine that he is in a better state of mind, but I think of how he died (alone, sitting up in his room for 2 or 3 days in the dark) and I get worried that he might not have had a peaceful passing. I will never know the details of his death because the father did not bother to inform me of how he died. He didn't even let me know about the wake or the ceremony they had for him just a few days later. My number was on my friend's phone. He knew how to reach me. He called my damn phone the night the police found him dead so why he never called again is beyond my understanding

    His father knew how much we meant to each other. We talked every day and did something at least once a week. I never got the impression he didn't like me until my friend told me that he had to defend me to his father, who asked why he hung around me so much.

    But that's whatever. I have since moved on with life and have thrown myself into school, my internship, and other hobbies but I still have no closure. I have had to make peace with it all in my mind , but I don't know if I can really say I have gotten to a point where I can say i am "fine" because it's only been four months. it hasn't been a long time at all.

    My friend Jim was Wiccan but i haven't had any luck in finding any ceremonies or rites to perform for him. I don't even know if there are any :hs:

    I don't know any Wiccan ceremonies or rites for the dead, but I want to honor and celebrate his memory next October for Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead)

    http://www.public.iastate.edu/~rjsalvad/scmfaq/muertos.html

    I know he would want me to think of him in the positive and think on our friendship, but I can't help but feel sad that he's not here in the flesh. I feel him every now and again, but Life hasn't been the same without him. Just curious to know how you guys have reached closure....and how long it has taken for yall
     
  2. BlackBeard

    BlackBeard Shiver me Timbers

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    i have had a couple of my friends killed in drive by shootings.........so i know what its like to lose a friend in the blink of an eye, and in one of my friends cases for no reason other than someone wanted to tote around a gun and prove he was a 'man"...anyways...


    at least for me...i never really got over it...i often stop and wonder what if
    ____________ was still alive right now, we could be kicken it this weekend or i could invite them to my graduation or invite them to my wedding......i mena i still kinda get sad every once in a while...im sure its like that for alot of people...i dont think you are ever suppose to really ever get over it..i think when someone passes away that someone reamins with you forever.....at least for me they will always be somewhere in the back of my mind and in my heart....

    and as far as celebrating his life...you are already doing that....you celebrate his life every day when you stop and think to yourself..."i had an awesome friend and he is now gone and that makes me sad"


    someone once told me that the best thing one can accomplish in life..comes after one passess away and how many people truly, honestly miss you...

    keep your head up, you honor your friend already :)
     
  3. IMJ

    IMJ The Bitch

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    It's one of those things you will never come to terms with. I had a great friend pass away in 1998. I still cry when something reminds me of him. When I feel like shit I go visit his grave. I still ask why such a good person had to die the way he did. I'll never get over it and I'm fine with that.
     
  4. punkerjim

    punkerjim Guest

    i've had a friend die of aids before... the worst part about it for me was knowing that he got aids from using needles while he was homeless... his parents threw him out (he was perfectly normal at the time) and he asked if i could help him and let him stay with me. I was in high school at the time and my mother said no.

    i felt bad because there should have been more that i could have done and i hated myself for not helping for about 2 years... i would remember certain days (his birthday or the day he died) and it made me unhappy.

    the aniversary of his death just came and went and, although I do remember it, I am not unhappy about it anymore because i came to terms (finally) and have moved on... he was a good friend but he's the one that made the choices he made to get and not treat his illness.

    moral to the story: time heals all wounds
     
  5. B_RowL

    B_RowL OT Supporter

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    Thats absoultely true. I lost a friend about 2 years ago in a car wreck. Everyone will have to deal with a death of someone close in their life. Time is the only thing that will help you. It really got to me when he passed away, but eventually I realized that he is probably in a better place...not having to deal with most of the shit that we have to. Eventually I just accepted that he is no longer here and that I wont see him again in this lifetime. It is very tough though to go through.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You know i would visit his grave, and have a good talk with his father if possible. Just come by his house ask if he has time and say you want to talk for 10 minutes. Just talk talk talk about his son, and what he meant for you, and why you can't expres or end your sadness because you didn't find any closure in his death.

    You need to find closure and do those things which provide you with that closure.
     
  7. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    I think his father moved. The last time I went to the apartment at the time his father was normally home, I got no answers. it is understandable he would not want to live in the apartment after finding him dead there, but the worst part is that I think they took his ashes or whatever back to Georgia. He doesn't have a grave that i can visit :(

    IMJ: sorry for your loss. My hope is that all of our loved ones are in a better place and feel good by seeing we still care for them. I just wish I could be more aware that they were aware
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Dear Mars Princess,

    I feel sorry for your loss. But trust me, if you died would you like your loved to grieve over your death forever? Of course not, Jim loves you , and wants you to move on with your life. Pray for him, and keep him in your heart. But when you are ready, you have to move on. :hug:
     

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