LGBT Coming out late in life

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Taylor, Jan 12, 2005.

  1. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    My friend/boss/coworker just came out to his best friend, another coworker of mine yesterday. I was there for moral support for him and to help explain things that he couldn't. He came out to me, the first person he's ever told, about 9 months ago. He is 52. He has been living closeted his whole life, is divorced, has a son who doesn't talk to him, has no family, only like 6 friends, and is very lonely. He is severely depressed, currently on Prozac for it, and severely overweight because of his negative self-image and denial of his identity.

    He told me he never would have come out if he hadn't become my friend (worked together for two years now). He said knowing me showed him that gay people could be nice, well adjusted, normal people. He also said that he felt he could be a happy person if he was out, and that he would probably start caring about his health and appearance if he was able to feel ok about dating a man.

    I just know that most of his psychological issues are related to this internal conflict. His behavior is practically bi-polar because he feels the need (and admits that he does this) to present himself as a homophobic, badass, cynical person. But when he lets his true self out he is an extremely generous, nice, caring person and a great friend.

    I guess I just wanted to share this because it makes me so sad but happy at the same time that I am helping him move forward in his life. His doctor told him last week that if he didn't lose weight that he was in the last decade of his life. He told me yesterday that coming out and trying to meet someone is exactly the kind of motivation he needs to change his diet and work on his health. I just hope that is true. :hs:
     
  2. Ferron

    Ferron So yes, I'll see you there.

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    I couldn't imagine living 52 years in such self-denial. It seems horrible, but it is really good that you are there for him to help him find himself. :hug:
     
  3. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    Seriously. I thought it was hard enough dealing with it at 16. Not that I'm out to that many people, but I'm sure my family and most of my friends will probably find out within the next few years, and I'm 23. I guess we youngn's live in a different time. :hs:
     
  4. Ferron

    Ferron So yes, I'll see you there.

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    Same story here. I feel thankful that even with the current homophobia, things are so much better than they were. Progress can't be stopped, only slowed and sometimes set back.

    :hug:
     
  5. Moonwalker

    Moonwalker fagulous

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    yeah - kudos to you for helping him out. I feel really bad for all the older gay people who grew up in a time where it was totally unacceptable and not talked about. I know im extremely lucky that my family doesnt care a bit, and nor do any of my straight friends. It actually seems like they have begun to like me more since i told them. Kinda weird i guess.
     
  6. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Wow.

    You must be a very special person if he sees you as a role model.

    Be happy for yourself and for him. It doesn't matter what age he comes out. At least he's finally true to the person he was meant to be.
     
  7. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    As Sam can tell you, people 1-2 generations back have a lot of issues with coming out. It's wonderful that you could be so instrumental in easing his coming out. :)
     
  8. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    This is a nice story. :)

    Well, most of it. I hope he gets better. It's the step in the right direction.
     
  9. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    My brother, who came out of the closet in the 70's still can't say the word "gay"

    He says things like "I don't want to retire to a place where people do like people like us."

    Meanwhile, gays who were around in the 1950's and 1960's were getting arrested just for going to a gay bar. Hence the shame that past generations have carried.

    So, I can understand why it took him this long. Just support him in every way you can, because he's going to need friends and allies.
     

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