LGBT Coming Out Experiences

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by NOVAJock, Jun 10, 2004.

  1. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    If you're gay, how did you come out of the closet? What were some of your most memorable "coming out" experiences?
     
  2. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    You have already read my favorite one. I have had a few "I already knew" responses.

    What I thought would have been the worst:

    I had come out to all my immediate family, friends, co-workers, but not my parents. I couldnt figure out how to tell them and the thought of it scared the shit out of me. [​IMG]

    I had written a letter that I was going to basically memorize and then tell Mom. She found the letter while I was at work. When I noticed it was missing I about died. I didnt know what to do! She acted the same for the most part. About three days later, I was sitting at the computer and she hands me an envelope (the same one my letter was in) but it had different paper in it. I read it and felt sick again. She was playing Space Invaders about 10 feet from me when I was reading it. After reading it, I didnt know what to do. I had no idea how to start this conversation.

    I hear the game pause and she sits there, staring at the screen (I could see her reflection in the monitor). She say to me, crying, "Jon, I cant believe that you felt that you couldnt talk to me about such a big part of your life. You were hiding from everyone. I could tell something was bothering you (I was broke down and couldnt turn to anyone and was considering taking care of that problem with some sleeping pills and a gun) but I didnt realise that it was something that big. From now on, I want to know everything about you! I dont want our lives to be secret anymore!"

    What I did next, I still to this day cannot believe I did. My reaction was probably out of shock. I told her ANYTHING and EVERYTHING about ALL of my experiences. She even found out what position I prefer. :eek3:

    At the end of the conversation, I told her I didnt want her telling Dad, which she did the next day while I was at work. She continued her game.

    So, about twelve hours after she talked to me, I am sitting in the delivery truck on Ogden's main road. My cell phone rings (I was at a stoplight) and Dad is on the other end. He tells me in what later I would realise was a sarcastic tone, "You dont want me to know? Am I not good enough for you to tell me stuff about your life?" Light turns green, but I sit there, probalby white as a ghost. "I already knew, Jon. I have known for about two years now. You can come home, we still love you".

    The next few weeks at home were the strangest I have ever experienced. I was looking at them differently, and they, Mom especially, were looking at me completely different.

    All is good now though. :ughug:
     
  3. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Wow.....that's very cool that your parents were that accepting and open to you about it. You even told your mom what position you prefer!?!?:naughty:
     
  4. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    Hey, she wanted to know *everything*. I dont think she meant that literally though.
     
  5. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Mine isn't quite as successful as Jon's.

    For most of my young adult life, my mother always wondered why I didn't have a lot of girlfriends. She'd joke with me and say, "you better not be gay...you're father would have a heart attack", so unfortunately, this was always in the back of my mind.

    About 7 years ago, I was with my second bf. I was still living at home at the time, but was spending most of my time at his house. I came home one night to pick up a change of clothes. We were on our way out to a club in Boston. The bf sat in my truck while I ran in.

    My father had just come home from a business trip. He was quiet and solemn for a couple days after he got home and I wasn't sure why, but didn't think anything of it. When I walked in, he was getting a drink in the kitchen.

    He asked me what I was doing that night and told him I was on my way to Boston with "friends." He asked if I had a minute to talk and I said sure. He said that basically he had been wondering for a while and asked if I was gay. You could see the pain on his face when asking.

    I was floored. I said, "before I give you an answer, please tell me why you think I might be?" He told me that because I was never home anymore, and I never brought any of my friends home and they didn't know who I was hanging around with anymore, they felt that I could be gay. So, I admitted that I was. His next question was: "are you sick? Do you have AIDS?" My response: "Dad, just because I'm gay, doesn't mean I automatically come with AIDS, and no I'm not sick and no I'm not HIV+." After that, he asked the usual questions..."can we get you help, is there something I did wrong....etc."

    I left shortly after that, and got into my truck and burst out in tears. The bf, had no idea what just happened.

    Later on, my mother told me that my father went down into the cellar and pounded on the work bench wailing and crying. That devastated me. My mother was pissed at me for days because I didn't tell her, but eventually she came around.

    For the next couple of weeks, I sat down with both of them once per week and said...."ok, let's talk. What questions do you have?" I had to do this because basically they weren't talking to me.

    My father went through a stage of wanting to have more children, adopt, etc. My mother shot down all of his ideas. In talking with him, I realized, I had a long road ahead of me. He had so many of the stereotypes buried in his head, it wasn't even funny.

    It literally took him over a year to start talking to me on a normal basis and it was pretty painful for me. But once he met my last bf, both of my parents fell in love with him. Hell, they'd practically swarm on him instead of me whenever I came home for a vist with him.

    Now, both my parents are cool with me being gay, and their paramount interest is that I'm happy no matter who I'm with.
     
  6. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Mine is similar to NOVAJocks, and frankly I don't feel like reliving it through text.

    Suffice it to say, we're all fine with it now...
     
  7. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    ditto. What matters to me now is that I have and know the people that truly matter in my life and have and still am getting rid of the people that don't :)
     
  8. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    yeah I've been working on that one myself lately. :o
     
  9. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    yeah its rough, but seriously, it is so beneficial. I just find myself less stressed out, happier in general and it really gives me more time to spend with those who deserve it.

    I can be seen as indifferent but why should i stress myself over other peoples' issues, if they arent that great of friends in the first place?
     
  10. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    I totally agree with you. After me and the bf split up, I quickly learned who were and were not my friends. Now, I'm slowly going down the list and eliminating those who are not. :o
     
  11. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    oh yeah, when me and rob broke up, thats exactly when i started doin it. I am loyal and faithful to my friends but if they dare try to do anything lame, then i just block them out. As cruel as that sounds, it works. They either get the hint and change, or just have no part in my life anymore.

    The perfect example is what i posted awhile back
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1094611

    Haven't talked to him since and am better off. He was just toooooo much drama.
     
  12. Jobe

    Jobe keke ^_^

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    I was in a deep depression for many months and it eventually got to the point that I just wanted to be dead. So, I set out a date and plan for suicide, but broke down before I actually did anything and told all of my close friends I was bi. Luckily no one disowned me or anything like that and were cool with it. Definitely a very happy and sad day at the same time :hs:
     
  13. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    :wtc:

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  14. RenaultFreak

    RenaultFreak OMG

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    wow :eek3:

    I'm reading all this stuff and I'm thinking the shock for my uncle when he finds out tomorrow that his son is gay :eek4:

    yup, my cousin came out to me 3 weeks ago, he has a bf from 3 years ago :eek4: and all the stuff...he literally started calling us one by one (friends and closest family) to tell us, he started with the tough ones (I was the 2nd :rofl: ) and he told me yesterday that tomorrow is the day and asked me if he can sleep here at our place for a couple days :eek3:

    so it's been 3 weeks of listening all the stuff he wanted to tell me but never had the balls to do it, the first day my ears bled, it was too much info, him being gay, his bf which I know and we all love, the stuff they do, the bad times they had, the gay ppl around us that we have no idea and the dirtiest stories about some ppl we know :ugh:

    It's my cousin, nothing will change, I think I already knew, I was a little bit suspicious but I never cared to accept it I guess...my fiancee didn't took it too good, she really wanted him to hook with her sister (said sister drools over my cousin) :rofl: :o

    oh well, I'l lupdate you guys. :eek3:
     
  15. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    ExD does Momma want to meet me yet :mamoru:
     
  16. Bib-Lettuce

    Bib-Lettuce New Member

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    Mine went pretty well, there was just a series of unfortunate events that happened soon after that compounded into a bigger issue than they were. Basically I was always afraid that my parents would find the gay porn I have on my computer (if I ever left it open), so I made it so it would auto-log out if it remained inactive for a period of time.

    We had the computer rebooted because of virus problems and of course that feature was undone, not knowing I must have left a folder open and not done anything about it. I woke up for work the next morning and dad just said 'Your mother is concerned, she found gay stuff one the computer ...so are you gay?'. I just replied 'yep'. At this point in my life I was at the stage where I had the courage to answer truthfully if someone asked, otherwise I couldn't bring it up.

    He was fine with it, said all the things I wanted to hear - 'nothings changed, you're still our son, you're still Steven and we don't feel anything different about you'. He later told my mother and they came in together to talk to me, it was REALLY uncomfortable but okay. It was humorous that he wanted to make sure I wasn't a pedophile, not that he assumed being gay made you one but I have very bizarre taste in movies, I gravitate towards extreme content which usually involves rape and pedophilia so it was a legitimate concern considering I kept this secret for 22 years and could have easily kept that one too.
    Then there was a bit of drama, parents found a recite for gay porn and rubber cock, but their main concern was that I bought it at like midnight by myself, and they had alot of trouble dealing with the thought of me doing that since it made me come off like a single 45-year old in a trench coat.

    After a bit of talking I convinced them it wasn't a big deal. I was just so relived they found out I was gay 2 days before that because that would have been way more of an issue, and more embarrassing. It would of gone from 'you're still Steven' to 'who the hell are you?'.

    Then the major thing happened, I use my mums ebay account because it's easier then setting up my own, and bought some extreme movies again, even know I knew they were fake they still called themselves 'snuff movies' because they were simulated to look close to the real thing. Mum rang me up bawling her eyes out saying 'what are these movies you've got? what are they? You've turned our world upside down'.

    And I was at a friends house at the time, whom I'm in love with and can't have getting texts from another friend going about she's cut herself so this seemed like really petty crap I wasn't in the mood for. Came home with 'what the hell is your problem? I have been getting these types of movies for years in front of you! I'm not hiding anything more from you okay?' And yeah the stress of that whole day got to me and I just broke down in tears about how much I hate my life'.

    Recently, and probably the thing I have the biggest issue with is dad got really angry that I had told some of my friends. Mainly because my best friends mother is my mothers best friend and if he told her she may feel uncomfortable not knowing if my mum knows and a bunch of crap about 'why I felt the need to tell people if I'm not living the lifestyle'. I was just like 'what the hell difference does it make? If they're going to hate me they can hate me now or in 5 years, it makes no difference when or how I tell them and frankly if they do reject me I couldn't care less because that means our friendship is a lie and I'd rather get them out of my life now rather than later'.

    Also telling my parents had lifted a huge weight of my shoulders, I had been severely suicidally depressed for a number of reasons and didn't even consider being gay a huge problem so didn't figure it would feel so good that everyone knew, but it did, I'm still very depressed but feel far more comfortable. So yeah from my POV I couldn't give a shit how uncomfortable it makes anyone because I can guarantee it's more important for people to know then for me to not tell them

    Cliffs: My experience wasn't so bad
     
  17. stubby77

    stubby77 New Member

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    I came out when I was 19 years old. I was away at college and was automatically drawn to the theater kids AND a militant lesbain who named herself SPIKE THE DYKE. We were headed to the mall with her friend Ashley and I told them I wa BI...it was the most HORRIFYING experience of my life as SPIKE (real name Martha...same thing) was pointing out guys to me OUT LOUD... Shortly after all my friends came out to me and I to them, we built a tightknit family of friends with whom I'm still friends with today.

    I told my father two years later and he was visibly shaken..but was kind to me...my sister screamed that she wanted to be best friends with my wife and that she wanted to babysit my kids...Cause it's all about her don't yah know. My other sister was very accepting and loving...Looking back I can see that it took a long time to become comfortable enough with myself to really be ok and open about it.
     
  18. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    There has been no :buttsex: yet, so she doesnt know about you. If you move to Rawlins maybe there will be some hangout time? Maybe head to UW and check out some mens? :naughty:

    She did want to open a package that came to the house from someone in MO, I thought for a minute who I knew there and was all, "NO! I there is a chance something naughty might be in there". She laughed.
     
  19. zortnac

    zortnac New Member

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    The first person I came out to was my best friend of about 14 years. I was driving him home after a late night of card games with some other friends, when he brought up that he felt I was keeping things from him. I had been itching to find an opportunity where I could dare myself to just come out already, and so I seized on this one. I stopped the car, stammered the words out, and we hugged while he re-affirmed his friendship for me. It was all very sweet :)

    I didn't come out to my Dad intentionally, he ended up finding an opinion piece I wrote about homophobia in my university paper, the daily nexus. That was also very positive.

    Come to think of it...I'm fortunate to have never had a bad ocming out experience :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2007
  20. Matitulo

    Matitulo If sexy never left then why is everybody on my shi

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    what school do you go to?
     
  21. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    where the hell has marxwa been anyway? he was good people :o
     
  22. Kitler

    Kitler Fabulously Gay

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    :hug:
     
  23. zortnac

    zortnac New Member

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    I just finished at UCSB. I'm 99% sure we know each other through Shaun, or 1% sure that by sheer coincidence you're someone else who lives in IV and also looks like the person I'm thinking of. This is Chris.
     
  24. Matitulo

    Matitulo If sexy never left then why is everybody on my shi

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    oh, haha, nice :wavey:
     
  25. sholnay

    sholnay New Member

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    my roommate. :o
     

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