SRS Come in, and read about my lame life :)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Active, Apr 28, 2005.

  1. Active

    Active New Member

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    This girl had a crush on me last summer and fall, but I was too fucked up with other things in my life to pursue a relationship (I had surgery and had to deal with bad depression afterwards). She used to call me and say things like I miss you, I want to see you soon, etc. It was pretty obvious but I never acted on it, because my mind was elsewhere. So now I'm back on track, got a great job, finalizing a deal on a brand new condo, and life is going good - I want to ask this girl out. We haven't been talking much lately, so now I'm kind of hesitant on asking her out I guess.

    So would her crush get rekindled if I asked her out or is this something I'm going to have to get over with? Here's the catch, she's also my best friend and I think I really hurt her when I kind of rejected her advances. I've known her for 6 years now. We went from talking once every couple days to about once every month for the past 4-5 months. Anyway, we made plans to hang out next weekend so I was wondering if I should ask her out or how I should approach it. Oh, hanging out like friends, but I want to ask her if she wants to do on a real date with me.

    Anyway, I plan on doing it regardless, so I really don't know why I posted all of this now that I think about it. Just give me some feedback or suggestions on how to approach this smoothly.

    Or I could just stick to my cavalier method, "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together?" :rofl:


    Cliffs: I desperately want to make love to a school boy.

    Edit: I didn't turn her away because I wasn't attracted to her or didn't like her. I actually was attracted to her then and really liked her for a while now, but when you are depressed your life is a real shithole and you can't even fathom the fact that someone can like who you are, regardless of how much they show otherwise. Anyone who has dealt with depression can understand this I think. I'm not just trying to get laid.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2005
  2. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    be honest with her and let her know about your problems in the past. she probably took it personally and took it the wrong way. talk to her about it and tell her you're ready. hopefully she still likes you like that since its been a long time.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yeah it might get rekindled, but be honest, you just want to relight that flame so you can get some.
    You don't really care for her -- that is apparent, and you know this already.

    Go find someone you really do care about and fuck her brains out.
    Don't play with someone's heart just for some sex.

    Unless you let her know, up front, that you just want sex and she's ok with that.
    Otherwise, don't play someone. You won't like it when it gets done to you.
     
  4. Active

    Active New Member

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    yeah i hope so :x:

    i'm tired of dating random girls, i'm hoping this could turn out good. :)
     
  5. Active

    Active New Member

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    you're jumping to major conclusions here. :)

    i told you i'm best friends with her and have known her for 6 years. of course i care for her. :o
     
  6. JumboJym69

    JumboJym69 New Member

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    First of all it doesn't sound like you have a lame life. Secondly, if you guys are as good of friends as you say you are, tell her what you just told a bunch of strangers. Tell her you were distracted by a lot of other things and you didn't want to get into something half-assed with her, and if she would still like this to become something more than a friendship. Its sounds like you want to go from hanging out with her to having sex with her over night, just because you have a good friendship already doesn't mean it's going to work that way man.
     
  7. Active

    Active New Member

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    i need to re-write this if i'm coming across as just wanting to get laid. trust me if that's what i wanted, i'd go to a bar and get a girl. i'm looking for more with this one. :o :) :bigthumb:
     
  8. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    not sure what kinda advice your asking for when you already have a course of action and a plan. :dunno:
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well just because you're best friends and go waaaaay back doesn't automatically mean a LOVE relationship is possible or even advisable. "friend" != "lover"

    Of course you "care" about her -- but that's a word with a lot of meanings.
    Care as a friend? Care as a lover? Care as in 'I wanna make babies with you and grow old at your side?'

    Anyways, so let's suppose everyone who replied, misread your intent and jumped to conclusions.
    So...What you really want is to develop a genuine love relationship with your friend of 6 years. Right?

    Well it makes me ask two things:

    1) 6 years is a LONG time to not act on strong feelings of love. Therefore I wonder if you actually have such feelings, or are just convincing yourself.

    2) You said she was really really into you before. And yet you did not enter into a relationship.
    Sure, ok, life was complicated with lots of shit happening. But people who are in love find it REALLY hard to be away from each other. Like it physically hurts (sometimes) to be away. You mention job stress, illness, whatever.

    Usually people in love turn TOWARDS each other, not AWAY during stuff like that.
    So again, I ask, are you really in love with her, or are you maybe just looking for a stop-gap relationship to tide you over.

    From your description, I don't really believe that she is the love of your life.
    And I don't think you really believe that either.
     
  10. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Don't steal the pootie. And don't convince yourself you're in love just to escape the guilt of doing so... thats even worse.
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    ^^^ Yeah, that was my message but much more concise. Who said brevity was the soul of wit.
     
  12. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    These days I just parrot johan. My net connection is too slow to get here first :)
     
  13. Active

    Active New Member

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    Like I said, I dealt with depression for the entire year of 2004. I spent Oct 03-Feb04 pretty much in a hospital, spent the next 10 months in a downward spiral of depression. I finally checked myself into therapy for the past 4 months and am finally starting to feel like myself again. She was one of my few friends that kept in contact with me while I shut everyone out during my stint with depression. Unfortunatley, I should have just accepted her advances then, which under normal circumstances I would have, but there were so many other things I had to deal with. I wasn't eating regularly (I went from 155lbs down to 120), would spend hours in front of the TV wasting my days, my skin looked horrible, etc. I didn't want my friends to see me sick (even about 1/2 of my aunts, uncles, and 1st cousins don't know what I've been through) and I just didn't have the self confidence to have a gf at that point in my life, but she still cared about me regardless of all that.

    I don't know. Our first few years were great because we got along so well. Unfortunatley the last couple have been kind of ackward at times from either me liking her or vice-versa. So if anything I just want to lay it all out on the table from my end, tell her I have feelings for her, I'm not sure where it will lead, but I want to give it a shot because I think it could turn out great.

    I've spent the last 10 years of my life just going for the hottest girl that would talk to me and have had a lot of dead end relationships. I want to try something that has the potential to be great with someone I really care about. Some people aren't just out for a piece of ass. And believe me, when you get operated on 2 times in a period of 4 months and come out of depression from the lowest point of your life, you don't want to waste anymore time on anything other than something that is truly worthwhile. I'm 24, but I feel like I'm in my 30's already.

    I think being rejected by her would be the most heartbreaking thing ever, but being able to start a romantic relationship with her is more than worth that risk. I love her enough to take the risk because I would hate myself if I never told her how I felt and took the chance.

    I've been in love twice in my life. Neither of them I've told, I want to make that 1 for 2 at least. I understand your point though, I've told gf's in the past that I've loved them just to keep them around when all I really wanted was just the sex. So I know the difference in this situation, because that's just the farthest from what I want out of this.

    I do appreciate your replies though. It's good to have someone play Devil's Advocate in this situation to help me see it from all angles, but I think I'm making a good decision here. :)
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Ok, you've convinced me that your extenuating circumstances were genuine and worthy.

    Go forth and woo this honey.

    As for whether her crush would be rekindled...who can say. Always in motion the future is.

    Anyways, it's irrelevant. You can only decide your own actions and therefore you should move forward with a sincere heart. If you get hurt in doing so, them's the breaks, but at least you'll know you've tried.

    And done so without games, without artifice, without deception. Just your plain and honest feelings for her. If she has feelings for you...you won't need anything else.

    Good luck.
     
  15. Active

    Active New Member

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    Update: I'm having dinner with her Saturday night. I will talk with her then. :noes:
     
  16. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    good luck! :bigthumb:
     
  17. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    You should probably just talk to her and get a feel for the situation. You have nothing to lose by talking to her about it. If it was meant to be then it will happen, if not, then just move on with your life.
     

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