Christmas relationship crisis

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Reloe, Dec 26, 2006.

  1. Reloe

    Reloe New Member

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    ok i know i have no av (yet) and i only joined earlier this month but i need a bit of guidance as such please....


    boxing day in a bit and i have a dilema since my parents and my GF both want to see me but im only really able to see one or the other.. ill expand on the story a bit

    i have been going out with my GF for the best part of 2 years now but we had a period over the summer where we split up but we recently got back together again however she asked that i dont tell my parents because she believes that they hate her and it would just make things hard if i told them. I dont like lying to my parents but i love her to bits and im prepaired to do soemthing like that if she would prefer it that way. I also dont want to tell them because if it dont work out then they don have to worry about me which they always do when i mess up in some way :)

    anyway every boxing day her family does a great big get together and we all go along, exchange presents etc (its like a 2nd christmas but with the WHOLE famile, also including BF's and GF's) and she wants me to come along like i did last year because its a big thing for her and if i dont go we wont see each other till mid january. At this point i still have not informed my parents of us getting back together again and i made up a story that i was getting a lift back to college with her boxingday evening anyway and i would just go to her family thing beforehand. My parents however have other plans ..... they want me to spend all of tomorrow with them since i dont come home much and they want to spend a bit more time then just christmas with me befor ei have to go back. their argument is that christmas is a family time and since im only down for 2 days they want me to spend time with them since i probably aint going to see them again for months.

    GF is very upset about this and is blaming me for not standing up to my dad about it all and tbh im getting alot of pressure from both sides to spend time with them and tbh i want to try and keep everyone happy since i spose thats just the way that i am (and yes i know this obviously aint possibly but i try anyway being the nice guy that i am :) )

    just so you know the time frame - i have to go back in the evening on boxing day so that i can be at work for the next morning (which really sucks)

    any constructive input would be greatly appreciated, thanx
     
  2. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    family is important especially is you have a good relationship with them you want to keep that.. your gf should understand this seeing that she seems to have a close family.
     
  3. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    FAMILY FOR SURE. She is NOT your wife. I would completely understand if my boyfriend would want to spend time with family. Thats what you do on holidays. She should not be mad at you about this, she should be understanding. Dont let her control you. It will hurt your parents. One day if you break up again and you went with her on christmas, you will most likely feel bad and your parents will not forget that you did this. If she was your wife it would be somewhat different, but I still have the same thoughts about it.
     
  4. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    bros before hos
     
  5. Mizzark

    Mizzark OT Supporter

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    I would go with your family. Your family will always be there for you. Perhaps they have a good reason for hating her if, in fact, that is true. From what little information I know, she seems controlling and complains if she doesn't get her way.
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Stop right there.

    The first sign of a bad relationship is someone who tells you to lie to your family. This is her testing your honesty, integrity, and maturity. She is subconsciously testing you to see if you are a liar and a cheater. It matters nothing how much you love her, by lying to your parents you are telling her that you are a low status person and have little self worth. You are basically kissing her ass, and women don't generally respect that in the long run. If you do lie to your parents, I would fully expect things to get worse thereafter. Now is the time to put your foot down and tell her in no uncertain terms "There is no way in the world I will lie, not to my parents, not to anyone, and not for her. If you want to be part of my life, you have to live it with the full force of honesty, caring, and love even if it makes things tricky with my family."

    If you don't mess up, you don't learn. Messing up is life's way of teaching us how to grow up and be an adult. So what if you mess up? Just don't go to jail or hurt someone and I suspect your parents won't hold it against you... ;)

    First, you're lying. You are dishonest and people can see through it. People aren't stupid! Second, if she knows you are lying, it means you are of lower self worth than a mature, adult, and respectable partner. You're telling her that you lie about things, and will probably lie TO her and she'll eventually think you're a cheater too.

    This is a slippery slope, me thinks...

    Well, obviously. Spend the time with them. Your GF should respect your family, the tiny amount of time (2 days?!?!?!) you want to spend with them, and the fact that family IS first. She's left you once before (or so it seems?) but your family is there forever. Remember that.

    No, she's upset that you're a liar, that you don't have a backbone to tell her NO, and that you're letting her make the decisions. She wants YOU to make a decision, no matter if it makes her happy or not. She is testing your resolve to act in YOUR OWN BEST INTERESTS. Women want a leader, not a follower. You don't have to follow her every whim and want, you have to follow what is best for YOU. She'll respect that and ultimately be more attracted to you for being independent and not needy.

    tbh? What the hell does that mean?

    Stop. The point is that you can never make anyone else happy. Being a nice guy is a kiss of death. It's being a child - trying to please everyone else. A real woman like your GF will NOT want to be around someone who pleases everyone else like a big baby. You need to be an adult and make a decision, EVEN if it makes someone else unhappy. I'd personally recommend you tell the GF she can live without you for 2 days. I mean ... shit, two days? :rolleyes:

    Suck it up and spend it with the family. Tell her she can spend the next two days with you. Make a decision, and make it in YOUR best interests and NOT because someone else's feelings are hurt.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I agree with Poco...why would you be with a woman who asks you to lie to people that are important to you?
     
  8. islanderman7

    islanderman7 New Member

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    :werd:

    i know from 1st hand experience.
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Personally, I would go where I wanted to go, independent of how she felt about it.

    And watch those red flags, as mentioned above. Not good.
     
  10. Reloe

    Reloe New Member

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    cheers guys really appreciate the input and thinking about it i pretty much agree with most that was said (thanx for putting it into context)

    i told my parents about the relationship this morning and the situation i was in and they were fully supportive, i did however spend the day with them and it was great - we had a really nice walk along the beach and vegged out in front of the tv and the GF is pissed since we wont be seeing each other for about a month for some reason which she forgot to include but im sure i will crop up eventually :)

    and tbh = to be honest

    and yes i use it way too much :p
     

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