SRS Children and Religion

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sassy2424, May 9, 2008.

  1. sassy2424

    sassy2424 New Member

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    recently the SO has approached me in the subject of religion and possible future children.

    We have been together for 3 years, I'm Catholic and my SO is Atheist. and we we were discussing whether or not our children were going to have a religion.

    in the end I was told that there was no way I would convince my SO to be comfortable with our children having a religion and that I would basically have to agree to not have a religion for our children or not have children with him. :hsd:

    I'm curious if anyone has ever been put in this situation, and/or if religion has ever been a problem in your relationship?
     
  2. Dio Seijuro

    Dio Seijuro New Member

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    Sounds exactly like my friend's situation. He will not allow his girlfriend to take his daughter to church. It's either no church or okay take her to church, but also take her to the place of worship of every other religion that's out there, so as to expose her to a variety of things. The girlfriend is very vexed.

    Oh. He broke up with his last girlfriend over pretty much the same thing.

    If you ask me, sorry to say, but I would not recommend a relationship between a religious person and an atheist, provided both are serious about their belief. I don't even want to hear about how compatible the two are in every other way, 'cause I've never seen it work out. Again, if one of you is lukewarm about your belief, then it'll just be that person not having their way. That's the only solution.
     
  3. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    Religion is so overated.

    Anyway, if this bothers you than just don't bother. If you are very serious about your religion, I doubt you want to give that up so easily. Pretending your something your not, which would be an athiest, would be lying. Do you want to lie about yourself for the rest of your life?

    Your SO needs to understand hes not the only parent and that the child would have more than one cultural/religious background. Children from parents with two different background typically explore both.

    My bf is more religious than I am. Organized religion isn't my thing. But that doesn't mean I'll interupt grace at a family meal like a jackass or would stop him from sharing his beliefs with any potential future kids. What I can do is share my beliefs that the stories of the bible are symbolic of human nature and how we as humans should treat one another.....cept for the stoning gays part and all.
     
  4. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    If you dont believe yourself, dont take your children. You are teaching them its ok to lie. I would say you dont fully believe in god because you married an atheist. Is this really an issue of your parents pushing for church for their grand kids?
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I have never personally been in that situation, though I was talking about the subject just last week. I have been dating a Jew for 2 years now (and I've never followed any religion) but he hasn't practiced in years. His mother just recently asked him how we would raise our children and he freaked out. We talked about it however and said it would only be frustrating because his parents so desperately want the kids to be raised Jewish and he really has no interest in it.

    We're not really worrying about it since if children even happened they wouldn't be years from now and he and I are both pretty lenient...but the fact that your SO is being so stubborn and close-minded isn't a good thing.

    I say all the time that people really don't put as much thought into conflicting religious ideals in their relationships. People push that issue aside for a later date when really (just like for you right now) it can come back to truly bite you in the ass.

    There's no doubt in my mind if you stay with this guy, get married, etc. that you will want kids and want them to be raised Catholic, correct? If that is something you deem important and your SO stands his ground that he "won't allow it" then you've really got something to think about...
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Pretty much what beer said.

    Religious belief is a HUGE thing, especially when dealing with opposite ends of the spectrum.

    You DO need to think about this, because it's not going to just go away.
     
  7. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    and again, what beer said. people always tend to forget that religion is a huge make or break for relationships, especially if children are involved.

    if you had children with him, would you want them to be raise with a religion? and is he ok with that? if not, maybe hes just not the right match for you
     
  8. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    You shouldn't force anything on your kids. You can teach them about religion but in the end the decision should ultimately be up to them. There's nothing worse than parents who brainwash their kids to believe what they believe.

    And like the guy above me said don't force atheism on them either. Teach them about the belief, but do not say this is what you should be.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    BTW, it disgusts me that people force their kids into a religion. My mother was raised very Catholic, my father Southern Baptist. Completely different but they fell in love and stopped practicing long before I was born. Once I was they never forced me to go to church ever. In fact they would ask casually if I wanted to go for Christmas or Easter a few times and when I said no they said "ok :dunno:"

    Never pushed it and I am so thankful for that every day. However, the difference is whether you plan on automatically making your kids go to mass. If that's the case I don't blame your bf at all. An atheist hates organized religion as it is. But, if your plan was just to loosely raise them with Catholic values and let them decide if they want to follow it or not I don't see why he would be so upset about it...I mean he is dating you....
     
  10. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Religion should be a personal choice, not something you are forced to believe in. My parents never forced anything on me and I'm very happy for it. I found my beliefs on my own and that has been a huge part of my personal identity.
     
  11. Kazzander

    Kazzander I only got this for the search.

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    I do the same with my children as it appears others do. My wife and I are both atheist, but we do not teach our children atheism. Whenever they ask a question that has to do with religion or a religious belief, I always start with "Well, this is what I think..." and I end with something like "...you should find out more about it on your own and decide what you want to believe." Over the last several years, my kids have tried saying a prayer before a meal, asserted that they're going to heaven, and the like. I've never stopped any of it, and only gave my opinion when the question came up. I'm certain they'll attend a church voluntarily once they're older; I won't discourage that either. I'm confident that their intelligence, along with encouragement to seek out their own answers, will end up steering them toward atheism. If they end up taking a religious belief, it won't matter to me anyway, because I'll be able to sleep at night knowing that they chose it for themselves, rather than being involuntarily indoctrinated from birth. They're my kids, and I'll love them no matter what they believe.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    *claps*


    Seriously, that is awesome. That's just how my parents were.
     
  13. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    A question I'd like to ask is, do you believe you'd be a catholic if you weren't made to go to church by your parents? (Assuming that you did). If so, see that you'd basically be unknowingly forcing (to your child) your religion of choice onto your children.

    When I have children I wouldn't want them baptized nor bring them to church, if when they are old enough to understand religion, they'd like to commit to a religion and become baptized on their own, then that's their choice, not mine, which is how it should be - in my opinion.
     
  14. sassy2424

    sassy2424 New Member

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    This is my argument, I was not forced to attend church as a child, nor was I forced into any of the beliefs.
     
  15. Amberlk3

    Amberlk3 Made in Germany

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    god ur amazing :naughty::naughty::naughty:
     
  16. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    So your boyfriend doesn't want you to teach them anything about religion? That's pretty stupid.

     
  17. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I agree 100% with this as a good way to go about things.

    In my situation, hubby and I are both atheist, and dont want kids. So either way we wont have to worry.
     
  18. Leaden Grudge

    Leaden Grudge OT Supporter

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    You wouldn't be pretending to be an atheist just because you don't raise your kids as your religion.

    They are both being stubborn since she won't have them anything other than catholic.

    I completely agree with this, and I think that there's absolutely no harm done in not teaching them religion. If they want to take it up later in life, that's fine, it's their decision, and that's the only person who should be making it.

    You should teach them about all different kinds of religions and not pressure them into any one of them. They will choose what to believe in time. Not teaching them about different religions would just make them ignorant since it is a big part of the world today.
     

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