Cheating? Or not...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DarkAngel19, Apr 29, 2007.

  1. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Okay, I'm probably a typical female, though it pains me to think this...

    My SO talks to this girl online who lives across the country, has for 10 years and they have never met, we've been dating 1.5 years. It's slightly sexual even though he claims it's not, and they talk monthly maybe, not all the time.

    This bothers me immensely, however, and the other day I caught him sneaking off alone to call her on the phone. He lied about it at first but then I looked at their chat conversation and confronted him about it.

    How much can I hold this against him, and is it a violation of trust?

    Or, am I overreacting and if he didn't want me he would break it off?

    DA
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well I know I'd be weirded out by this too, especially if you put it that he "snuck off" to talk to her. But how many times have you confronted him about this? What exactly did you say? How did he react? etc.
     
  3. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    lol
    your boyfriend is a loser dude. Do they go online and play video games together? Ohnoes you killed me level 23 magician!
     
  4. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    unlikely he'll stop talking to her, and the bigger deal you make the more he's going to be inclined to hide things, even if nothings going on...and the less trusting you'll get. it's cyclical.



    let him be.
     
  5. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    I caught him one other time telling her that he wanted to move to be with her and all that crap... I know that it's not true, so when I asked him why he would continue this relationship with her, he said because it makes them both feel good, and no harm is really going on. I said "Well, except that hurts me". He said he was sorry, that he wouldn't stop talking to her (and I didn't ask him to, I totally agree lauren), but that he would not continue to lead her on in any way.

    This time, I told him it was the lying and the secrecy that is hurtful, I know he would never cheat on me physically with this girl (she lives thousands of miles away).

    This is why I can't tell if I'm overreacting or not... he was sneaking off to call her on the phone from a bar across town. Doesn't that totally suck?????

    DA
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: Yeah, call me crazy...but I wouldn't put up with that shit
     
  7. Bounty15

    Bounty15 OT Supporter

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    That's completely disrespectful to you if he says those things. I would consider it cheating. He isn't showing any concern for your well being.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    To the OP, why do you want to be with someone that is clearly deceptive about this other person who also is female?? Where is your dignity and your self confidence.

    It's obviously bothering you and you've expressed this to him. He has refused to modify his behavior and instead doesn't see anything wrong with it. Ok...so now you have a choice. Let is go or not. If you let it go, it sounds like one day he'll dump you for this other chick but there's no guarantee. If not, then you dump him and find someone with less baggage.

    Personally, if my SO was into this kind of thing, I'd express my displeasure and ask her to stop. If she continued, I'd dump her.
     
  9. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    .
     
  10. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    lol quoting yourself FTW!
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    You have every right to be upset about this.

    He is having an emotional relationship with this woman, and not committing fully to you. Tell him it needs to end, and if it doesn't, leave him.

    I guarantee he would be super pissed if you did the same thing to him.

    He's placing a relationship with a woman who he has never met above his relationship with you....do you think he deserves to be with you?
     
  12. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Yeah, that's definitely not ok to do in a relationship. If she lived closer he'd be hooking up with her but since she's not he keeps you around so he has someone to be with.
     
  13. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    Definately not okay with me. Even asking him to not do it is not going to work, he will lie about it maybe or tell you to screw off. I would end your relationship now and I really can't beleive you stayed this long knowing about it. Its just like he is having a long term long distance relationship but then also a relationship with you where he can be physical. That's what I am getting from reading your post. It's bullshit. I wonder if she knows about you.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm sure she does. In fact my first thought when reading the post was that I bet you anything, anytime him and his gf have problems he goes straight to that girl to bitch about it. And I bet you even more that she tells him to break up with her and more :mb:
     
  15. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    I know, that's what I was afraid of when I confronted him... I thought he was going to leave anyway and go call her. She definitely knows about me. She probably gets off on trying to steal him, but that could be the bitch in me talking:)

    They definitely don't talk very often, once a week, maybe, otherwise a couple times a month. So that's why I thought... maybe I'm just being a spaz. He obviously doesn't go out of his way to contact her, and hasn't talked to her on the phone since 2004, before we met.

    Gah... I'm on the border here, obviously it's not a good behavior, but at the same time he's very in love with me and I don't believe that he would actually move to be with her, it was more just flirting to say that.

    Fuck.

    DA
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    you are confused...first you say:
    but now you say

    Look he is going out of his way to contact her....whether you know about it or not. You caught him once....what makes you think this was an isolated incident??

    Don't lie to yourself like that. You are worth the truth.
     
  17. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    Have her fly out to meet you guys. You will get your answer for sure.

    1) They hook up and you definitely know that your relationship was not worth saving. or

    2) They realize that there is no IRL attraction and you can all be friends while you and your SO move forward with a strong and trusting relationship.

    NOTE: Unfortunately this plan requires a potentially large sum of money that all parties involved may or may not have available.
     
  18. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    Ha ha, yeah, apparently this girl is like the kinkiest on the planet, I'm sure she would be down for a threesome:) Me? Um... I hope I don't have to answer that:)

    Thanks for the advice guys, I was hoping that I was overreacting, and I knew I would get complete truth here. He's a nice guy and I'm a nice girl, but I guess we're not good together. At least I'm not good enough for him.

    :(

    DA
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Never ever let yourself think that. One of the main reasons I've never truly gotten devastated after breakups (even after really important relationships) is because I realized that you can not help who someone is attracted to, you can also not help if chemistry is forced or dies within a relationship. You say your bf has been chatting with this girl for a decade! That is a long time of knowing and talking to someone, even if they haven't met they do have this connection. It's completely unfair to you for him to uphold this kind of relationship if he says he is truly devoted to you. Even "joking" that he would move to be with her is ridiculous, and should never even be joked about.
     
  20. razi

    razi New Member

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    you've got it backwards there, chica. He's the one hiding things, he's the one going behind your back.
     
  21. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    He's not worth you DA...you deserve someone who will put you first!
     
  22. mcslaughter

    mcslaughter Unstable

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    he's cheating and you should get back at him. what are you doing this weekeng?:naughty:
     
  23. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    he's a sleaze and he's the one who's not good enough for you. you're totally justified in leaving him, no one in their right mind would put up with that kind of shit. good luck :hsd:
     
  24. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    He is using this chick to feel good about himself. Does he have confidence issues?

    The thing with e-relationships is theyre perfect. You know that, the person you talk to seems great b/c you are both on 'good behavior' when you speak, you can present yourself in any manner you please, there are no actions to speak louder than your word. Ie, if you say your are the most kinky, awesome, super fine blablabla, then you are, because the internet will never force you to show your true self.

    This bitch is probably 300 pounds. If she is investing this much time into a dead end relationship, she has profound issues with security, if she is bothering to infrom everyone that she is 'kinky' she isnt.

    He is pathetic if he is so threatened by a real relationship that he need to build himself up wiht some echick.

    You are not loseing anything.
     
  25. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    I agree with you there, online is a completely controllable area. Hell if I'm going to put an unattractive picture of myself up on a profile, no way! E-relationships ARE perfect, and I'm sure that's why he likes her so much, and vise versa. I should get on there and tell her about all his crappy habits, then see how much she wants him to move, heh heh.

    As for not losing anything... I have been with him almost two years, we live together in a house, and aside from this online girl issue, have no other major problems. We rarely fight, cook dinner together, hang out together, share similar interests, and generally have a fabulous time. I guess that is why this is bothering me so much... truth is, I have quite a bit to lose.

    Well, in my mind anyway. Like I said before... I'm acting terribly like a typical female. How boring...

    DA
     

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