SRS Cheaters

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by summer1547, Jul 6, 2009.

  1. summer1547

    summer1547 New Member

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    I'm wondering what makes people cheat. Does it really matter what the partner is like or does, or is it that some people just have it in them to betray and can never be satisfied with one person? Do men or women cheat more? If someone has a history of having cheated (even if it's only once), should it be expected that they are always possibly going to cheat again?

    My dad told me that it is in every man's nature to cheat. Men are like bees and women are like flowers. Men are supposed to pollinate and taste the juice of many flowers. It is not something they can fight against.

    I also read a book called 'The Average American Male' and wonder how accurate this is for most guys. I realize that over all the behavior in the book is extreme to make it dramatic but it seems at least 90% of it is applicable to the majority of men.

    I am single and have a lot of friends (men and women) who were married and have now divorced due to cheating. Is it possible to find a partner whom you can trust anymore?
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    yes, but making sure the relationship stays strong so it's repellent to cheating is harder work than many people are willing to do.
     
  3. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    There isn't one single motivation you can say EVERYONE has for cheating... generalizations don't work, especially for something like this
    No, I don't think cheating is a part of human nature. Yes, you can find a partner you trust... I trust mine. "Communication is key" may be cliche but it's so true...

    Cheating seems to happen when something in the relationship is unfulfilled... or some people are just serial cheaters and can't help themselves. You need to look at each person differently in this because I think it's something to do with the foundation of one's personality... just my own belief though. To me, the worst part of cheating isn't the fact that the slept with someone else (unless they got an STI and then gave it to you) but the breach of trust :hs:
     
  4. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I can't keep things hidden inside me so it would be hard for me to cheat. Plus, if somebody truly cares for you I would hate to hurt them. I hate hurting people.

    I think there are many reasons to cheating. A lot can be due to the upbrining that one has. If somebodys father was cheating it could influence the son that cheating is alright.

    Sometimes if somebody is hurt really bad (from being cheated on) they will assume every future b/f or g/f is going to cheat so if the opportunity arrives they will cheat.

    I think some people are looking for different things in a relationship. Some people don't want to be lonely and just want that person to be with a majority of the time. Yet, they are bored with that person to an extent sexually and go out and cheat to fulfill that desire.

    Some people are going to cheat just because they are uncaring people and only care for themselves.

    As far as once a cheater always a cheater I believe that it depends on the situation.

    Some people will cheat because they know the current relationship is not going to last much longer and they are just waiting for the right time to end it. Some b/f's or g/f's are psycho and can cause a lot of drama if you try and break up with them. So it's not surprising that the b/f or g/f trying to get out of the relationship may cheat while they try to find out the best way to end the relationship.

    Some people also are not going to be faithful until they know that person is "the one".

    I had an x g/f that cheated one me and I've always told myself that if she cheated late in the relationship I would not think of her as a bad person. Reason being because I wasn't much of a b/f late in the relationship. We only dated a few months but the last month or so I was just so busy with work and everything. We didn't hang out much at all so I could see her getting bored of me and ending it soon anyway. Seemed like I just was keeping her around so I could say I had a g/f. Even though I never would have cheated. So yea, I wouldn't say I'd get back with her but her cheating IMO is def different than cheating on somebody in a more serious relationship.


    I'm not sure I could date somebody who cheated on somebody if they were with that person and said they were in love. To me tha would just be setting up yourself to be cheated on. I also could not date somebody that cheated on there b/f with me.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2009
  5. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    The part that scares me going into a relationship is hearing about people getting cheated on that you assumed were in a healthy strong relationship. But then finding out that one of them was cheating all a long. It's like you are sad to hear it but hoping there were signs that the person who got cheated on just happen to ignore. This way you can at least look out for certain signals.
     
  6. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    i agree with him


    you speak wise truth


    there has to be a balance. finding that balance is what makes life interesting. Some people get thrown off immediately and numerous times, others don't.
     
  7. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    ...Cheating...

    ...I was with a girl whom was dating my friend... stupid - yes...

    ...I confessed to him, and we ended our friendship amicably... I stopped seeing her...

    ...They are now married despite the "I've been there too" factor...

    ...My last speeding ticket was written from him for going five over...

    ...I'm not a fan of cheaters or tickets....
     
  8. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    :bowrofl:
     
  9. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I believe that people are more likely to cheat if they get away with it once. They will usually continue doing it. However if they have cheated on one partner it doesn't mean they will cheat on all of them.
    When I was young I cheated with no regard for my boyfriends feelings. It was about me at that second and that was it. They weren't there so it was their fault. :rolleyes: However I have had two serious relationship since and never cheated on either.

    It's what men say to excuse their behaviour. It's a load of rubbish.

    I trust my husband. I know he would never do anything to hurt me. But in saying that there is also a part of me that doesn't trust the situation. I have been cheated on before and I have left over issues regarding it. I am 150% better than when I met him, but I am still not fully fixed and neither of us believe I ever will be :)
     
  10. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    i think it simply comes down to the person's core beliefs. we're all selfish to a certain extent, some more than others. i see cheating as nothing more than selfishness. you're putting your own desires first. some people feel it's more important to end the previous relationship before engaging in a new one. others simply take advantage of the opportunity and decide to deal with the consequences afterwards. why do they do this and what makes one person lean one way or another is up for debate. it can be how they were raised, their experiences with other relationships, so on and so forth.

    also, i believe opportunity plays a large role in cheating too. some people who don't cheat, don't simply because they're never given the opportunity to do so.

    the nature of the current relationship certainly plays some role in whether a person cheats or not, but ultimately it comes down to that individual. like i said, they either put their own desires first or they don't. I would be wary of people who've cheated in their past because they've shown that it is an option for them. i wouldn't be comfortable with someone who thought cheating was an acceptable option.

    don't know about the male/female thing though. i would assume men are the less faithful ones, but that may simply be because they caught more and women are just better at hiding it. also, there's that whole physical/emotional cheating aspect to consider.

    at the end of the day, if everything lines up perfectly, we can all be capable of cheating. it's just those that prefer to stick to their morals rather than enjoy the immediate gratification are the ones that rarely do. some things are more important than getting some strange.
     
  11. bolo1313

    bolo1313 Life down here is just a strange illusion OT Supporter

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    people cheat b/c they need something "new". it's pretty much that simple. you just grow tired of the same old thing. life becomes a chore and a routine. think about the people the cheaters see. how often do you find yourself saying, "why would he cheat on his wife/girlfriend with her?" the new girl is uglier and fatter (relatively speaking). so you also say if that was YOUR girlfriend, you'd never cheat. but you would b/c you grew tired of her.

    just to use celebs as an example. hugh grant cheated on elizabeth hurley, mario lopez cheated on ali larter, brad pitt on jennifer aniston.

    you can argue for each one of those that the girl was a downgrade.
     
  12. Kafka

    Kafka New Member

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    New studies and research shows that women actually cheat more than men.
     
  13. Kafka

    Kafka New Member

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    :ugh: how can one objectively say angelina jolie is a downgrade lol
     
  14. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    girl next door versus sex symbol?

    Idk :dunno:

    People cheat because something in their relationship is leaving them feeling unfulfilled/empty. And like others have said, some are just serial cheaters. I think it's important for couples to never get "too comfortable," you always have to spice things up so that you have no desire to look elsewhere.
     
  15. bolo1313

    bolo1313 Life down here is just a strange illusion OT Supporter

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    i used to be a jolie fan until she went anorexic. i'm just saying there's an argument there. anyhow, my point is people cheat b/c they are bored and don't have the same emotional attachment to their SO anymore.
     
  16. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    A lot of the married guys I know who cheat do so because thier wives stopped having sex with them, for what ever reason.

    One of my friends (who didn't cheat) is getting divorced for that very reason. They were married for 4 years, and he was lucky to have sex with his wife 3 times a year. Finally couldn't take it anymore and filed the papers.
     
  17. Deepsouthwrx

    Deepsouthwrx If in doubt, flat out!

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    this is the one reason I would look outside of a relationship, but I would end it first, I know what it feels like to have someone cheat on you, I would not wish it on anyone.
     
  18. summer1547

    summer1547 New Member

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    Did anyone hear of the story about Julie Metz? She recently wrote a book 'Perfection: A Memoir of Betrayal and Renewal.' She was with her husband for sixteen years and it wasn't until his sudden death that she found out he had another completely different life that she didn't know about. I haven't read the book but I feel like this a much more common story than we are aware of for both men and women. With sites like ashleymadison.com that advertise ‘Life is short. Have an affair.’; It is so easy to cheat and unless you are constantly looking for the signs, sometimes you miss them. People only let you know them as much as they want you to. A lot of people are so busy trying to be the person that they think they should be and then end up doing what really feels natural secretly away from others. I dated a guy off/on for five years during which time he had a vasectomy. He had told me that when he went for a check-up that the doctor decided to take a tissue sample to check on a small tumor he had for years. I already knew about the tumor so it made sense and didn’t draw any flags. How I found out about the procedure was while cleaning out his car after a long road trip, I found printed articles about what to expect from a vasectomy. The articles had been printed over a year ago and when I asked him about them, he said he had thought about it and just wanted to get more information but once he did he decided against it and never mentioned it to me. I had no reason to not trust his response but I always kept a suspicion in the back of my head. I tried to call the doctor’s office or research ways to know if someone has had a vasectomy and could never find anything conclusive. Without any proof other than what he offered to me, I had to accept that as the truth. It wasn’t until a year later that he finally confessed the truth to me that he did in fact have a vasectomy done. I told him that it was fine that he had one because it was his body and he could do with it what he pleased, but the fact that he had to hide it from me and not be honest that bothered me. He basically made a decision that affected both of us. Up until this relationship, I had never considered how deceptive people can be. I always thought I was a decent judge of character but I realized that people can go to any lengths to have you see what they want you to see. Then after this it was like real-life example after real-life example. It keeps me wondering how do you ever 100% know the truth.

    I was hoping from this post to get some angles from people who have cheated. I just want to understand more of where it comes from and how their minds work.
     
  19. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    You don't.

    How do you not understand it? You know the attraction you feel for a new gf/bf and how it's never quite the same as when you first started dating? That's how their minds work. Women are just as capable of it as men. I think you'd be lying if you said you've never thought about it.
     
  20. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    We can't ever know the absolute truth about ANYTHING, much less other people's thoughts and intentions. That is what trust is for... and knowing which people deserve your trust.
     
  21. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    Right!

    Yet, sometimes there are hints that something is going on. The only way to truly never be cheated on is to never get yourself in a relationship.
     
  22. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    cheaters make me sick. thankfully, I have something inside me that would never allow me to cheat.
     
  23. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I feel the exact same.

    Everyone says "in the right situation, you'd cheat." They're idiots. That's like saying "in the right situation, you'd shoot heroin." Uh, no, I wouldn't.

    If I was legitimately going to cheat, I'd end the relationship first.
     
  24. m3 bavaria

    m3 bavaria Come again?

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    I honestly believe that it comes down to the relationship.

    No one cheats when the relationship is good. It's only when the relationship is bad.
     
  25. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    That doesn't apply to men.
     

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