Cheat and Guilt

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nikolette, Nov 27, 2006.

  1. Nikolette

    Nikolette New Member

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    So i did the unthinkable...kissed another man while I have a bf.

    Ive been with him for several years, living together as well... but things are pretty bad. No romance from his side, no kissing, sex, etc...no affection, I never feel wanted by him ever.

    Ive never had a problem with guys in the past, and meet lots of guys who keep telling me how lucky my bf is to have me. This upsets me bc it makes me feel that there are guys out there who notice me all the time, yet my own bf chooses not to...

    Anyways, met a guy who lives in the state Im from, I moved to another state for school and bf...of course I was into this guy bc ive been deprived of attention for so long, but also we had an instant connection.

    Im not one to ever cheat, I am very loyal but it happened ... We kissed ...it was the most uncontrollable thing bc I feel for this guy.

    Worst part is, I feel no guilt. WHY?!? I am not that girl who cheats and doesn't care!

    So what does this mean, I am not a heartless b**ch, am I just over it??
    Is it bc Its this guy?
    I dont get it!?
     
  2. detamina

    detamina Hip-HAARP

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    Eh, relax. Honestly I would personally expect something of that nature if I wasn't giving you any attention. In my opinion he's asking for it. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over a year and we still kiss / make out etc like we just started dating.

    I've been with girls before for a long time as well, personally he's asking for it, women need some loving too.




    Tell him what you did, tell him why, and if he loves you he'll understand. My ten
     
  3. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    Yah, your BF pretty much asked for it. It's amazing you get no attention at all sexually and are still with him. Does he have problems with being attracted to you? Is there any reason for him to just sort of "ignore" your needs?
     
  4. Jonari

    Jonari Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations on ruining your relationship. Regardless of kissing another man, you had no right to take advantage of your bf. I'm assuming you never discussed this with your boyfriend, about his lack of giving you attention.

    I think you should break up with your boyfriend, probably got tired of being with a little girl - possibly the reason he doesn't want to give you attention anymore. He needs a woman, not a lil' girl that'll go cheat on him bc he's not giving you attention.
     
  5. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    Whoa wtf, pull the stick out of your ass. You can state your opinions without insulting her. She admitted what she did was wrong, so calm the fuck down. :squint:
     
  6. Jonari

    Jonari Well-Known Member

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    Just being honest...if she can't deal with it...needs to GTFO...:dunno:

    Regardless, I wish her good luck and good health with her new boyfriend. :bigthumb:
     
  7. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :werd: WTF is up with everybody in this thread trying to justify her actions?!

    Threadstarter needs to be a woman and tell her boyfriend what is wrong in their relationship (nothing will change if she doesn't) as well as what she did.
     
  8. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    Yep. It's all about communication and maturity, both of which she has demonstrated that she lacks. If there was a problem in the relationship, she should have brought it to his attention and see if they can resolve it. Maybe he would have gladly become more attentive/affectionate if he had realized he was falling behind in that department. Don't underestimate how dense we men can be at time. We're often on big on "hints". Just F*n tell us what's going on. If there's an issue, then talk about it and deal with it. There is never any excuse to go behind somebody's back and betray them.

    On that note, he deserves to know how shady his gf is. Maybe he'll forgive her and start paying more attention, or maybe he'll drop her. Either way, he has the right to know and to decide what he wants to do about that. If it really was nothing more than a kiss, the situation may be salvageable.
     
  9. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Break up with him, immediately.

    You're trying to justify what you did, but you can't.

    It's easy to make this guy sound like an asshole whenever you are giving us facts to support your argument. Yes, he probably didn't give you attention, but you didn't tell us about how you buy things that you don't need on his credit card. Or you don't cook, clean, or do the laundry.

    Obviously I don't know if you do or don't do any of that, but I think you understand what i'm saying. It's easy to make someone look like a jerk when you only tell about the bad things he does. You didn't list the presents he buys you, or the flowers he has bought.

    All of that aside, there is never an excuse to cheat.

    All of his actions that you listed are grounds for RELATIONSHIP COUNCILING, not cheating. There are no grounds for cheating.

    You have ruined your relationship, and you need to get out of it now, because it won't get any better. Especially now that you have cheated. Don't be a cold-hearted person and stay with him for another year, wasting his time, to just tell him about it then. Lies stink, and this will eventually come out some way or another, and the longer you hide it, the worse it's going to get.
     
  10. Chris90210

    Chris90210 New Member

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    amen I never pick up on most of the "hints" until it becomes a big problem
     
  11. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    My own relationship with my husband has become so much better since I realized it was easier just to get things out in the open instead of always throwing hints about what was wrong or attempting to subtly tell him what was wrong (holy run on sentence, sorry).
     
  12. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    yea it works most of the time for me & i've been with my SO for about 3 years now but sometimes he just doesn't want to talk & things get rough but it gets fixed.

    I'd tell your bf what happened, if you want to continue your relationship with him you can't lie to him.
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    "Ive never had a problem with guys in the past, and meet lots of guys who keep telling me how lucky my bf is to have me. This upsets me bc it makes me feel that there are guys out there who notice me all the time, yet my own bf chooses not to..."

    "Eh, relax. Honestly I would personally expect something of that nature if I wasn't giving you any attention. In my opinion he's asking for it."

    "Yah, your BF pretty much asked for it. It's amazing you get no attention at all sexually and are still with him."

    All the above quotes are basically saying "it was OK for you to cheat, because he wasn't giving you any attention". What if your SO cheated on you, and gave that reason? Would you be OK with it then?

    This is all kind of lame...I'm not saying it's not bad if the OP doesn't get any attention from her bf, but it's still no excuse for cheating. That was very disrespecful to the relationship. If she is that upset about not getting attention, she needs to talk to her bf about it, or end the relationship.
     
  15. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    If you feel no guilt for cheating then you shouldn't be in your current relationship. You're clearly not commited to it if you kissed another guy and it doesn't even bother you. Whether it's his fault for not giving you enough attention/affection is irrelevent, you shouldn't be in the relationship.
     
  16. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    People cheat when their current relationships are not working. I think it's a built-in "self destruct" mechanism that is designed to force us to destroy our relationship when we don't have the strength to break up on our own.

    I'd dump the BF. It's not easy, but if you get zero affection then you may as well be dating your brother. What's the point?

    Cheating is a wake-up call to move on, IMO.
     
  17. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    In your opinion can a relationship fully recover from one party cheating? Does it change if it's sex instead of a kiss?
     
  18. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    :rofl: apparently you are that girl.
     
  19. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    If you are that unhappy in your relationship that welcomed the lips of another man, do you and your BF a favor and end the relationship. I dont know if you are in a rut(together), or if he doesnt feel for you anymore, if you dont feel for him anymore, but you took the first step into ending things....and this happened for a reason. Move on. You are in a relationship that you are not happy with, why stay?
     
  20. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    And ask herself why she has stuck with a guy for so long even though the relationship isn't satisfying.
     
  21. Nikolette

    Nikolette New Member

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    Ok...Everyone is bashingon me without the entire story. I am NOT justifying my actions, what I did is wrong and I screwed up. I did speak with him about this issue many many times. It isn't an attention thing...he doesnt kiss me, have sex with me..nothing...attraction isnt the issue here either.

    He's just comfortable and feels he doesnt need to try. He has told me he will change many times and even said I can understand how u feel, Im sorry..but has done nothing to change.

    Granted I should've broken up with him...but I never in my life planned or imagine myself doing this. I am upset by my actions because logically its evil and wrong what I did. It was in the moment of passion I did this, which if you want to call immature, fine..I was. But its not my way of dealing with the problem. I have spoken to him on several occasions about this and communication among us isnt an issue.

    I am NOT justifying my actions. What I am upset about is the fact that I dont feel guilty. I guess this does mean it's over since Ive tried for months to work on our problems and now its just pointless.

    Sorry if I offended many people, I would prob say same if someone else posted this =(
     
  22. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    yes it is fucking over now end it and tell us how it goes/if you need a bit of help getting through it head over to Asylum.

    Cheers
     
  23. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    why did you allow yourself to get so far? im sure there were plenty of oppertunities to stop yourself before succumbing to the 'passion'
     
  24. Nikolette

    Nikolette New Member

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    I never planned to do this. I didnt set out to cheat, kiss, flirt. I met this guy several times and had an instant connection which was unexpected. I cant control it which is out of my typical character. He gave me what I lacked with my bf...he was sweet, looked into my eyes, made me feel special and wanted. I havent had ANY sex in months! No excuse but I am badly deprived. WOmen get horny too u know! Maybe Ive been in denial about my situation with the bf. Maybe this is a sign its been over otherwise I wouldve controlled it...not that it makes it ok or anything. Now no matter what I cant imagine being with him bc its so unfair to him. Grrrr...He is a great person my bf...but he treats me like we're friends only, and thats the problem.

    If it was always like this its one thing, but our first year was intimate and passionate and I feel sooo deeply for him and when things simmered, I thought its normal until he would barely touch me bc he's busy at work all the time or "depressed" as he puts it. After lack of sex, pleasure, passion, romance, I had talks with him all of which he made same excuses, "Ive been busy" "Lots going on..."

    I see now that I should've just let him know this was an issue and without it being resolved I should've left him. I didnt though and that was my mistake.
     
  25. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Nope, you're not trying to justify this at all...

    This will be harsh, but you need to hear it.

    WHY you think it happened doesn't matter.
    The excuses you are giving for why it happened don't matter.

    IT HAPPENED. You're now going to have to deal with the consequences of the actions you chose to do (and yes, you made a choice, don't try to claim you didn't have any control/choice in the matter).

    It sounds like you have been unhappy with your current relationship for a long time. When you did this, you pretty much sealed the deal on checking out of it...

    So...why not just get it over with and end your current relationship?
     

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