SRS Cheap, short, and fun

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 2500, Dec 22, 2007.

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  1. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Well, apparently my BF doesn't spend time with me before he goes to work because its boring unless I plan something. :rolleyes: He gets home around 3-3:30am. He has to leave for work at 2pm. He normally sleeps until 1:30-2pm. (yeah, i know.) He said he would get up and spend time with me if I had something planned because hes not going to get up just to spend time doing nothing. So.... I need ideas that are cheap and/or free, that are fun, and that can be done between 11am and 1pm, so, 2 hours long. I thought just being with each other was good enough, just to see each other for 2 fucking hours a day, but apparently, it isn't, so I'd appreciate some suggestions. All I can think of is going for a walk and board games. :rolleyes: Any ideas?
     
  2. NeonImpact

    NeonImpact New Member

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    Tell your boyfriend to start coming up with some ideas if its so bad. :o

    Sometimes I'm in the same scenario, but we usually fix that with watching a movie and relaxing.

    sorry, and good luck. :hug:
     
  3. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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  4. 2500

    2500 Guest

    but "he has alot on his plate, and i don't, so I have to find everything for us to do." and yeah, relaxing, just hanging out sounds nice, but apparently, thats boring and he'd rather lay in bed on his laptop.

    and sex is an option, but not what i had in mind.
     
  5. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    tell him to clean off his plate and make room for your sugar plum?
     
  6. 2500

    2500 Guest

    he refuses to clean off his plate. he is assistant manager at wendys. yeah, not much, but hes only 18, so its a pretty good accomplishment. anyways, he transfered an hour away, so he leaves an hour early and gets back an hour later. that means a 3-close shift, plus 2 hours. he leaves here at 2pm, gets back at 3:30am. so almost 14 hours of "work." as soon as he gets up, he HAS to go onto wendys corporate website thingy to see how the store ran the night before, check all that BS. its like, in the 2 hours he has that he could spend with me, he has to get on his laptop, in our bedroom, and check how wendys is running. then if i don't have anything planned, he'll sit on his laptop in the bedroom, by himself, either until he has to go to work, or he'll fall back asleep and rely on me to wake him up for work. i just thought it woulda been nice seeing as he'll be at wendys all day and all night, he could use those 2 hours being with me, even if we're just being lazy on the couch talking. but, he told me today that thats too boring and he doesn't want to do it and if i wanted to see him, i have to plan something. and we live together, so that makes this even more stupid. he can't take his laptop into the living room even. he sits in the bedroom alone.

    and yeah, sex, i know, but i miss the quality time we used to have before he got consumed with "wendys."

    i even sat him down and told him "ya know, i only have 2 hours or so to see you a day, and sometimes, when you sit on the computer in our bedroom and get up as soon as you have to leave for work, i feel like you don't enjoy being with me anymore, and i wish you could spend some time with me sometimes." told him yesterday, and i guess i got my hopes up today that he would actually listen. i saw him on his laptop and i guess he was expecting an argument, so he "figured he'd just sit on the laptop and go back to sleep cuz he didn't want to deal with me."

    is it me, or would anyone else be worried and upset about this behavior?
     
  7. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Well, seeing that he either wants you to leave him alone or entertain him during 2 hours, I'd be worried if I were you too. He's acting pretty selfishly...
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    My suggestion is for him to change jobs, a normal day time job instead of living like a vampire, that way you two can live just like normal people do, during daytime.
     
  9. 2500

    2500 Guest

    agreed. i always wait up for him, but i can sleep 6-7 hours and be fine. i get up around 10 or 11, sometimes earlier. but, hes really into this job. if hes not at work, hes thinking or talking about work. i think he just kinda has an ego cuz hes 18 and assistant manager, and i think he feels hes like, a big shot or something. i doubt he will leave this job just because of the hours.
     
  10. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    woah. do you guys live together? he is only 18, he's acting extremely selfish and immature. honestly i'd say you should think about ending it. he can use these years to work hard at his job if he wants, and you can be free and happy doing what you want. don't tie yourself to this sinking ship at such a young age.
     
  11. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Oh, but see he shouldn't leave the job because of the hours...he should also leave because he isn't giving you the time of day :ugh:. Most of the time I get home at 5 and my bf plays WoW all fucking day. When I get home I want to spend time with him, still working on that.
    You can't tell him that being asst. mng. at a fast-food place or any store as a matter of fact isn't shit. I used to be asst. mng. at a clothing store. I used to work outrageous hours on the holidays and school season. The store would close at 10. It was horrible, I left. I now have a job that's 10-5 monday thru friday and 8-3 on Saturday.

    I would be worried though if I could only spend 2 hrs with my SO and he would rather sleep, I mean honestly at least have sex :ugh:
     
  12. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i used to be like that. I used to play CS while he watched TV. he never said anything about it, so i never saw an issue with it. once he expressed his feelings though, i quit playing CS all the time. i actually stopped playing all together. i just don't know what to do thats cheap or free and we're able to do within 2 or 3 hours. and, i dunno things i can keep planning day after day just to be worthy of spending time with. i mean, when he has days off, we go to museums, play tennis when the weather is nice, go to gatlinburg, nice dinner, rent movies, etc. so, its not that we never do anything, its just i wanna see him before he goes to work and not just once or sometims twice a week on his days off.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I read this thread back when it was first made, and was going to post the usual "dump him, find someone better response." But then I thought "Hey, I'll let it go, maybe this isn't as bad as it seems."

    But your other posts make it abundantly clear. This is a one sided relationship. The jerkwad is getting sex from you, but not doing anything for you in return. Come on, look, he has you convinced that you need to make PLANS for him to spend time with you. And you only see him 2 hours a day?

    Load of bullshit.

    Dump this selfish loser, and find someone who will put some effort into a relationship.
     
  14. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Metallic Blue, thanks for the very in depth answers. i appreciate it, and i will attempt to answer the questions you asked.

    i am not an "indoorsy type" by any means. i love going out and doing active stuff. one of my fav things to do that we used to enjoy is driving through cades cove. its a state park in tn, and its free. the scenery is awesome, one of my hobbies is photography, you see bears and deer, and it dumps you out about 15 min from downtown gatlinburg. i always liked driving through with him, then going to dinner in gatlinburg. he hates doing that now cuz its boring. i do enjoy spending time at home especially when we are planning on moving in a few months, money is tight, we need to save, and its rather cold outside. but i'm one of those up for anything kinda people. he "says" he prefers outdoors, but hes picky.

    yes, i am very offended by him saying that just, time together is "nothing."

    yeah, for sure. i just want it to work and i want to see him, and if it takes entertaining, i thought i could live with that cuz at least i'd be spending time with him.

    whats ironic, is he used to tell me how he felt like we were roomates who have sex and not in a relationship.

    i wouldn't say there is a time limit, but, i would have liked to see some change after expressing to him how i felt. just something to show he was listening and cared.

    thats exactly what i told him. i said "so you're telling me if i were to say we had plans to do something at 9 am tomorrow, you'd actually get up?" he said yes, and i doubted him. i asked for ideas, and he said "a walk." please! could you imagine, well i guess you can't since you don't know him.... but, he stands and runs around all day, comes home and wants to sleep and be warm and complains about his feet hurting. could you imagine me waking him up at 9am to go walking around in the cold? that made me laugh when he said that. i like walking though. just went for a walk the other day, so the next time i'm up bright and early, we'll go for a walk, lol.

    this was over a year ago, i'm not sure of his response. but, i know he wanted me to stop playing just to be with him, and not cuz he had "plans."

    Matt: yeah, i know its bullshit, but when you have so much invested in a relationship, its worth giving it a shot at working out before throwing in the flag. we've had a very... very rough patch a few weeks ago, and, i fought like a crazy person to keep him. seems like its all waisted if i don't try all i can to make it work.

    personally, i believe this is taking more of a toll on me now than it normally would have. i'm not sure how many read my thread on this, but i will take a years worth of relationship and attempt to ball it into a short background explination.

    for the past year of our relationship, he has been lying, pretending to be someone hes not so i would "love him" and we would have the perfect relationship. no matter what, he would do anything so we had a "fairytale" because thats how he thinks relationships are. over the months, we argued, most likely because his true feelings never showed. he began to resent me, not be in love with me. he met someone at a bar, talked for weeks behind my back. we argued bad one night, broke up, he thought they were in love, they fucked 2 days later, and then he realized he wanted me back. that was 2 months ago.

    this situation now concerns me because i cannot stop thinking about what he did. i can't stop thinking that he thought he loved someone else, and fucked them, unprotected 2 days after saying "i just need time to think, i don't want to see or talk or touch or be around anyone right now." i link this to that, even though he says not to. i can't help but think i am boring, and someone else would be a better partner, and he'd rather sit in our bed than talk with me for an hour before he leaves for work until 3am. what if hes giving all his love to someone else? what if they are still talking? what if hes losing interest in me again? all these questions keep running through me head. i confronted him about it last night and he said there was no one else, he was still in love with me, and i was just being paranoid.

    he did do something sweet last night though. he knew how upset i was about all this, so he bought me roses and a very sweet card. that card had a note to look in the laundry room, where there was a music card that sang unchained melody, with another note to look in the cabinet, where i found a payday bar, my fav, and a hand written note saying how shitty hes been acting, and that hes going to try harder because hes loves me and is lucky to have me. it was really sweet. so, i guess i should give this a little time to see how things go. he has today off so when hes done xmas shopping for me, we are supposed to spend the rest of the day together.
     
  15. 2500

    2500 Guest

    yeah i have

    something i've said to him many times.

    can't say that hasn't crossed my mind more than a few times.

    sometimes i feel like i am, but sometims i think its me. maybe i am not giving him what he wants or needs. i can't see anything i'd change though. i'm always wanting to spend time with him. i leave him comments and messages on myspace all the time. i've bought him flowers for no reason, done other sweet things for no reason. i dunno what i can do differently, but i can't help but think its me.

    but i'm so in love with him. i can't help but blame it on immaturity, him being young, and this being his first relationship. i feel he gets confused about his feelings and has to learn the ropes of an actual long term commited relationship. i always want to give him the benefit of the doubt because if i give up on him, i may miss out on the best relationship of my life. i'm so happy with him, and it kills me to think that i should leave him. i want to see him through everything. i want to be the one he learns with to make our relationship better, not the one he learns the ropes on to make his future relationships better. he was confused, he didn't know what he wanted, and from what he told me, for the past year, i've been hard to live with. i had no idea, since he lied to cover the fact i wasn't "perfect" so insteadof expressing his feelings, he made everything out to be perfect because he wants perfection.

    yeah, but the bare minimum is better than nothing for me. i've wanted something sweet and kind for a while, so, when i get a little, its always enough. i hope now that hes had kind of an eye opening experience, he'll change. he sounded so sincere in his letter he wrote me. i think he finally sees how his actions effect our relationship, and i think he really does want to change, because i do believe he loves me.
     
  16. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    god...

    stop making excuses, set some standards, and make a decision.

    You have to flat out tell him things need to change, or that the relationship will no longer give you what you need.

    And there's NO point in staying in the relationship if you're not getting what you want and/or need.
     
  17. 2500

    2500 Guest

    but i hate saying "if this and this and this... then the relationship will end." its like, i'm in this for the long haul. i never want to leave him, and i feel selfish if i give him ultimatums like that. maybe thats who he is. maybe its something i am going to have to learn to deal with to make our relationship work. i don't want to, but i don't mind sacraficing. hell, i've moved 700 miles from home to be with him, i have no friends here. i just feel that he may have his ways, but its up to me to accept every aspect of him for the sake of our relationship. i'll just have to see how things go now that he acknowledged what he was doing and expressed hes going to change. i will not leave him while still having feelings, because i can't.... but i can say that if i'm not happy, i will lose feelings and i will not stay in a relationship i feel is wasting my time. i see potential in us, and i can't turn my back on that.
     
  18. 2500

    2500 Guest

    thats pretty accurate actually. only thing is we're all "him's." lol. no girls involved, lol.

    but yeah, that sounds about right, but, among all that BS, there is alot of love, and thats where the issues arise. if i didn't love him, i wouldn't stand for any of that.
     
  19. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I tried quite hard to see where you benefit in this relationship.

    Even with the regular give-and-take of all relationships (its never exactly 50/50) this seems to be exceptionally unbalanced. I'd say this is more like 0/100 and he's literally using you as a sort of pit crew/holding area.



    Now, in a marriage situation with kids, and a fledgling career, it may be acceptable for 1 partner to act as support while the other one charges away in the corporate world.

    But even then, the supportee needs to acknowledge the other's efforts and share in an intimacy that nourishes you both.

    Which is NOTHING like your relationship, which really, seems more like a barren wasteland than anything resembling mutuality.



    Plus, he's 18 and working at Wendy's. I'm sure that takes a lot out of him, but let's be honest here.

    He's hiding behind his work as a convenient reason to avoid intimacy here.

    Your relationship isn't just a little rocky or one-sided. It is OVER.
     
  20. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Guys, we might as well just give up.

    She clearly "loves" him so much that she's going to stay with him no matter what we say or how obvious we make the trainwreck that is this supposed relationship.

    Maybe when she gets cheated on again (and make no mistake, that day is COMING SOON) she will come to her senses.

    For whatever reason, this girl isn't able to do what needs to be done. Is it love? No, I don't think so. I think it's fear of being alone. After all, even the crumbs this throws her are "better than nothing".

    But I'm done.
     
  21. dawgboye

    dawgboye I'm a businessman who's commodity happens to be co

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    Your bf sounds like a selfish asshole. He needs to realize that relationships are TWO people, not ONE person doing stuff for the other.

    Get out while you still can.
     
  22. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i appreciate all the advice you've given metallic. like i said, i moved 700 miles from home to be with him, i haven't met any friends, and its hard keeping in touch with friends back home, so i don't have that "buddy" to talk to or other person to get advice from. sometimes i feel like i'm an adopted pet. like, i got taken out of my "home" to live by myself in another world and, without him, i really have nothing here. i don't think that has anything to do with it because i am very independant and unlike matt said, its not a fear of being alone. i was alone for 7 years and i did my thing, had plenty of friends, plenty of hobbies, and plenty of "partners." i don't fear being alone at all. i used to prefer to be alone. it took adjusting to even share a space with someone.

    whats odd, is that we are basically living the past year over again, only completely reversed roles. for the past year, he felt like the one waiting for the love to happen. he felt like i didn't want him or need him. he was the one depressed all the time. i cheated on him before i moved here after we were together for about a week or so "online." so he was the one dealing with the struggles of always having trust issues. then, we hit a massive wall in october, our worlds explode, we break up, and now, we like, switched roles. i'm in all of his old situations saying "god, i know how you felt now" and hes in all my old roles saying "god, i know how you felt now." cuz all the concerns i go to him about, he says "yeah, thats how i used to feel" and he gives me advice on how to deal with it. and vice versa. its odd, because for the past year and a half, i never questions our relationship. i knew i loved him, i knew he loved me, we were happy, and thats that. he was sitting around depressed, with "what if" thinking, trust issues and doubt. now, he doesn't think about the past, he knows hes in love with me, he has no doubts, but i'm the one depressed and having all the issues.

    part of me feels this relationship started off so wrong. we worked backwards. we met on myspace. and within about a month, i moved down here and we started living together after only seeing each other for about 7 days when i came to look for an apartment. then bam, we're married basically. it went from nothing, to 24/7, me and him. no dating, nothing like that, just, marraige, lol. then we worked all the kinks out and played this game basically trying to get to know each other, etc. i think part of the problem was since he didn't know who i was, or what i wanted, or what i liked, he felt in order to keep me, he had to basically be a jar of modeling clay. whatever i wanted, i got, whatever i said, happened. not in like a controlling mean way of course. but if i wanted hardees for dinner, we went to hardees. but it was always agreeing. it was like "hey, wanna go to hardees?" "yeah sure, lets go." like, i'm not controlling and crazy, lol. just wanna set the record straight. but, i think since we didn't know each other at all basically, we had to mold into being "perfect" for each other. him way moreso than me. and after time, he just couldn't do it, so now its all said and done, and we're almost starting over. it makes sense, but, i think we need soooooo much work to make this relationship last.
     
  23. dawgboye

    dawgboye I'm a businessman who's commodity happens to be co

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    That is why you refuse to open your eyes and leave. You've left everything for him and leaving him means two things. One, you have to admit to yourself you made a bad decision and second, you have no support system around you.

    Pack up, go home, and try to get back to a normal life. He will NOT change, he doesn't want to. He is trying to get rid of you by his actions but you refuse to get the message. He is a coward and an asshole, don't resign yourself to a life of misery because you are afraid to admit defeat.
     
  24. 2500

    2500 Guest

    hes not trying to get rid of me because he got rid of me. i left him, went back to chicago, and it wasn't until he said he wanted me back that i came home. he had a chance to get rid of me. i was gone.

    and, i've been in therapy for maaaaaany years. i have no issues with being alone, admiting defeat, admiting when i'm wrong, or any of those other "too proud" type things. i'm very down to earth, so, there is no other motive here besides the fact i love him. why else would i try so hard? i would LOVE to move back to chicago. i gave up drag racing, sold my car, left all my friends and family. its not like i like being in tennessee. my lease is up in 4 months. if i didn't love him, i wouldn't let him pull this shit. and i would have no problems going back home and starting my hobbies again and being with my friends and family. but the fact is, i do love him, and i know how being confused is, and i wanna stand by him when hes going through stuff and figuring who he is out. i don't wanna turn my back on him. cuz, you say people don't change, but, i'm alot different than i was when i was 18. and, i think he wants to change. i'm not forcing him to, but i think he wants to. i think he gets so caught up in work and money and life, that he forgets the "now."
     
  25. 2500

    2500 Guest

    well, after i first posted, he ended up writing that note to me, which felt like it was from the heart, and i do believe him. ya know, sometimes people get caught up in life and bullshit that they forget to stop and smell the roses. i've done it, so i can't blame him for doing it. and sometimes when its happening, your blind to it. and yeah, i have come to a better understanding about things. i made the connection that our past isn't so much about lying and deceit, than it is about just not knowing each other well enough to make the steps we did, so, it led to being scared about not being the person the other wants. and in a genuine attempt to fulfill the other person, it just happened wrong, and ended up causing alot of drama and pain. but, i think the road we're on now is a much better one.
     
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