LGBT Challenges of Lesbian/Gay Relationships

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by NOVAJock, Feb 10, 2004.

  1. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Challenges of Lesbian/Gay Relationship

    For those of you that are gay/lesbian, and have been in long term relationships before, what unexpected challenges did you have to face while in that relationship and how did you work through it? Communication? Gender roles? Sexual exclusivity?

    If you've been in a long-term heterosexual relationship before, in what ways did the homosexual relationship differ from the heterosexual relationship?
     
  2. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I don't think it differed much at all...

    The same challenges of effective communication, compromising on a daily basis, and respecting your partner.
     
  3. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    It's work on a daily basis...

    But, I think that's the same for any relationship.

    There are times when you fall out of love, and times when you fall back in love again... There are times when you want to end the relationship, and there are times when it's the best thing in your life.

    I've had long-term relationships with a man and with a woman, and I can tell you, the only difference is that with the man, we happen to have similar plumbing.
     
  4. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    I'm going to grow old alone I think. With 6 cats, a lot of chocolate, and be home in time for Oprah. Wait, Oprah won't be around in 60 years. Oh noes.
     
  5. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    have had both. I'm just more compatible with a guy. However the two biggest problems i see in gay relationships is

    1) Faithfulness. Seems like everyone cheats behind everyone's back. I once dated a guy and then last January, he revealed how he had a boyfriend for the past seven years and him and all the other guys he had seen before were just side specials, but I was "special" and "different" from the rest of them.

    2) Comfort. This is really for the people who are still coming out of the closet and a bit homophobic. When i was coming out, I really wanted to date a guy. And when i did, I always hit something that i called the "two week wall." After two weeks, the novelty factor would be gone and i'd start freakin out thinking about what other people would say and think about us if we were in public. So i'd be stupid and end the relationship rather quickly. Some of my friends have done the same things. I really think to overcome this, you just have to take a chance and find the right guy. And you really cant expect much when it comes to dating if you aren't ready to be comfortable with it. It took me the right year long relationship with the right guy to finally be able to call myself the G word. heh...

    p.s. sorry for the long post!
     
  6. mamoru

    mamoru New Member

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    You know, reading that, I totally understand where you're coming from...faithfulness is a big deal in ANY relationship, gay or straight...I feel like I'll never meet anyone who shares my view on what it is to have a committed loving relationship that involves 2 people, and no one else. I feel like the world cheats, and my moral standards might be just too high for anyone to match.

    Watch, I'll press submit, and the right person is gonna give me a call :p
     
  7. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    In reality, faithfulness is a big problem in any relationship, straight or gay. However, it just seems more habitual in gay relationships. But that may be a biased view since I am gay... I used to think badly about open relationships because I saw it as mutual cheating but if there is communication between the pair as well as mutual understanding and commitment aside from the extracirricular activities, then I think it can be manageable.
     
  8. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    I never understood how open relationships worked. They seem a bit impersonal to me.
     
  9. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    I talked to my ex, who is my best friend now, but he had a pair of friends who had one. To them, the fact was they felt urges to just have that occasional fling once in awhile which they called a natural thing to occur... But rather than cheating on one another, they decided to be honest, talk about it and make their relationship open. I guess it was a way to save their relationship and get what they "need."

    Now the part I dont understand is that they told eachother when they were doing stuff with one another. I myself would rather not know becuase i think envy would naturally come and one would be gettin their fill of extracurricular activities more than the other. But somehow it seems to go for quite a number of gay couples. How effectively it works is another issue.

    Sorry to keep posting so much. This is just an issue I've discussed one or more times with friends. Always nice to see people openly share their ideas and beliefs maturely...
     
  10. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    This is when people scare me. "I'm not sleazy, I have a boyfriend/girlfriend and they know I'm going to have sex with somebody else. They're probably having sex with somebody else too!" Lovely. I'm glad my parents don't have an open relationship.
     
  11. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    Yeah, i could never have one myself. As much as i could see it's a method of saving a relationship, I'd still consider it cheating.
     
  12. Insey

    Insey I can feel my cunt contracting

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    I briefly went out with a meth/coke/heroin addict. That didn't work out.
     
  13. LoveBack

    LoveBack Guest

    Hey stud. It's been a long time. :wavey:

    In my relationship, the biggest challenge at first was my inability to trust him. It was just hard for me to believe that someone so hot and so gorgeous would want to settle down with one person. We worked through it though. He was SO patient with me and showed me through actions that I was the only one he wanted. Now, sleeping in the same bed is our biggest challenge, what with his snoring and talking in his sleep. :rofl:

    The biggest difference between being in a relationship with him v. a woman is the PDA thing. With both of us being the affectionate type, it's hard not always being able to hold hands or kiss or whatever while out in public.
     
  14. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Hey handsome! Yes, it has been a long time. I'm glad to hear that things have worked out for you with the SO. Unfortunately, for me, I was not so lucky and I'm just now finding out I've spent 4 years of my life with someone that has some serious mental issues. I'm slowly moving on though. :)
     
  15. urnotmahtype

    urnotmahtype Guest

    i've only faced 2 challenges in my relationship. the first challenge was coming out and getting over my familys' disapproval. the second challenge was figuring out the dynamic of a same sex relationship. i was used to dating guys and being able to touch and do whatever to them when i wanted. however, my same sex relationship isn't the same. my gf acts as if i'm trying to take over and be dominant if i attempt to make sexual advances towards her. i think i'll get her to loosin up soon enough. other than that, same sex relationships are pretty much the same as hetrosexuals ones. they all demand love, respect, support, and sex.
     
  16. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Is this her first SSR? And if so, is she uncomfortable with it in some way?
     
  17. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    That's very true. I've been in three long term relationships and I've just recently realized that the dynamics are sometimes different.

    And it's even more interesting why.

    In a traditional hetero relationship, it's been implied what the basic roles of the two sexes are. Even though that has been changing since the 1970s and the whole women's liberation movement....there is still an innate, mutual understanding of who does what around the house and in the relationship.

    When you are in a same sex relationship, you can't really fall back on that subconcious, innate understanding. I think you stand a very good chance of becoming confused and risk anger and resentment buildup because you tend to have your own expectations of what your partner should be doing and he/she has their own expectation of what you should be doing. This is where communication *really* becomes a key factor, and something I plan on working on if I ever get back together with my ex.:hs:
     
  18. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    so true...
     
  19. urnotmahtype

    urnotmahtype Guest

    no this isn't my so's first same sex relationship. she has had a couple long term relationships, and this is my first. she's nonchalant and calm. and i'm emotional and expressive. we sometimes bump heads, but hopefully there can be some kind of compromise in the near future
     
  20. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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