SRS Can't stop drinking

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by essense, Sep 5, 2006.

  1. essense

    essense New Member

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    Recently lost my license for a DUI and I'm having a difficult time getting out to AA meetings because I live a long ways from any public transportation or meetings.

    I'm just at a point where one drink spells disaster for me. It doesn't make any sense to me. Black out drunk. It affects me very negatively mentally, much more so at 25 then when I was early 20's. Now a hangover lasts sometimes 4-5 days and I get heavily suicidal after a drinking binge. I'll sometimes have what amounts to a psychotic break or something after these binges, hearing and seeing things. Very scary and uncomfortable.

    I'm a bit confused with myself and my drinking cause on some occasions I can have one drink, two drinks, and be just fine. Negative mentality follows after any amount of drinking however. With my Dad for instance I can have a couple drinks and not go crazy, but when I'm out with friends I just don't stop drinking until I passout. It's sickening and very shameful for me to be this way. I never get a single thought of "that's enough man", "I shouldn't drink anymore". My entire world literally swarms around getting more booze inside of me when I get on these binges.

    Friends don't cut me off either which upsets me, but I understand they don't really have a lot of control. It has to be plain as day obvious that I have a pretty bad drinking problem to them though.

    I just hurt so bad after these binges, head doesn't work right.
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :hug:

    Look in your phone book under Alcoholics Anonymous, usually in the business section. Most cities have a hotline where you can talk with another alcoholic. There might be meetings closer to you that you aren't aware of and many people in AA will gladly give you a ride to a meeting. However, we aren't mind readers so you will have to ask for the ride....don't be shy, we want to help.

    Your seeing and hearing things is most likely due to the effects of drinking. Yes they can be very scary but they usually clear up as one sobers up....sometimes it takes time for this to happen. Many people find it impossible to stay sober on their own (even if they are going to AA meetings). For whatever reason, they need a more structured environment in which to A) detox then B) start learning about living sober and the program of AA. Many insurance companies pay for this so if you find you are still having trouble staying sober, please consider this option.

    Your suidical thoughts are also very common. I hope you will continue to choose life over death and we have a saying in AA that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. In other words, no matter how bad your problems are right now, they will pass but not if you kill yourself. And they won't pass all on their own. You can't run forever and at somepoint you have to face up to your problems. However, you don't have to face them alone....there are millions of other alcoholics that have been right where you are and have solved many of their problems they once thought were unsolvable.

    There is hope....life without alcohol can be as fun, if not more fun, then life with alcohol. If you are anything like me, the thought of putting down the bottle FOREVER scared the ever-living-shit outta me. Then I heard about the one-day-at-a-time approach. I don't have to worry about how to stay sober for the next 5 years....all I have to focus on is staying sober today. I don't even have to worry about staying sober tomorrow....I'll work on tomorrow, tomorrow. If I just stay focused on today and stay focused on not picking up that FIRST drink...then seek help for all the other shit that goes on in my life...then I have a chance.

    I didn't want to let go of my best friend (alcohol) and I couldn't imagine how life would ever be enjoyable without it. However, I found AA, got a sponsor, worked the steps and went to many, many AA meetings and events. I've now been sober for almost 12 years but in reality, I only have today. If I stay close to the AA program today, it's likely I won't have to drink tomorrow but I only need to focus on today.

    Please find a ride, get a sponsor, work the steps and you too can find a life without alcohol. You don't ever have to drink again if you don't want to. Millions of people have found help in the rooms of AA. The choice is yours to make....even if it doesn't feel like a chocie right now.

    Good luck and God Bless.
     
  3. essense

    essense New Member

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    Thanks for taking the time to write.

    I'm going to make it out to a meeting tommorow.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You're welcome. Remember, you are not alone and there is help available.
     
  5. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    If it happens again, get to a hospital so you can detox safely and have them help you get involved in a recovery program. Don't believe that the rooms of AA are filled with dry drunks wallowing in self pity and misery either. It is exactly the opposite.

    Good luck and PM me if you want to talk about anything.
     
  6. Metal

    Metal Active Member

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    It is good that you have recognized that you have a problem. As far as not being able to get to face-to-face AA Meetings as often as you like, there is a temporary solution that may help you. When I was released from the hospital this past May, I was confined to my house for home health care with nurses taking care of me. A thought came to my mind that with today's technology there MUST BE a way that people have AA Meetings online. I searched quite a bit and found that there ARE in FACT ONLINE AA Meetings!! I joined a group called SoberTalkOnline, check out their website at www.sobertalkonline.com - they use the program called PalTalk and hold meetings at different times of the day. I am also an administrator/chairperson in the room 'AA Step Eleven' which Meets Daily at 3pm Eastern online and 'AA Thoughts For The Day' in the Paltalk chat room. The software is free and a free account will allow you to use microphone; but not the video features. I opted to pay for a full account which gives unlimited streaming video as well as all other features. For AA Meetings on Paltalk though, you should only need the free name. There is usually at least one or two meetings running at any given time of the day in the 'Health Related & Body' then under 'Overcoming Addictions' click to expand the category and you will see which rooms or meetings are running at that time. Sometimes it is just alchoholics chatting with each other if there is no meeting at that time. You can sign up on www.paltalk.com and if you need help figuring out how to get to these rooms and to use a microphone; I'd be more than willing to help. A microphone isn't required as you can also share in text; but most people use microphones.

    However; I am not by ANY MEANS saying that these are a "Replacement" for Face-to-Face Meetings, because it is not a replacement, it is just an additional tool to help you on your recovery highway. You still should have a real home group and a sponsor at frequent face-to-face meetings. If you can make it to even one meeting; raise your hand and ask if anyone would be willing to give you a ride to the meetings - If it's anything like I've experienced the response will be anywhere from 1 to 10 people approaching you at the end of the meeting if you stick around and talk to them; they'll give you phone numbers and offer rides to different meetings - they might not even live close to you. When these people give you a ride to AA they are also helping themselves in recovery, believe it or not - they are doing the 12th Step so-to-speak when they drive you to an AA Meeting. Once you get to a home group you are comfortable with, raise your hand and ask for a Temporary Sponsor until you can find someone that you can relate to and would like to Sponsor you.. the temporary sponsor can help you achieve this! Trust me, it works, I've tried it many many times now at different meetings and I have never failed to get a response as long as I talk about it during and after the meeting instead of running right out the door. I also do the coffee job at a meeting and count the donation money in the basket after it's passed around - these are little service things you can do that will make a big difference in recovery. The program works if you work it!!
     
  7. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    Great info, Craig. :bigthumb:
     
  8. Metal

    Metal Active Member

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    Thanks, I think we make a great team together in a lot of posts! You provide some info; then I also provide info from my point of view of the post (*or vice-versa*).. it seems to give the OP (original poster - for those not familiar with OT slang) a better understanding of the topic and maybe more solutions and/or answers and even tools to help them out on the Recovery Highway! :bigthumb: :h5:
     
  9. Metal

    Metal Active Member

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    Essence, I am also available via PM, or any of my other Contact Info - which is located in my profile.. my AIM name, MSN, Yahoo, ICQ, etc.. and email are all listed in there - whatever is convenient for you is fine by me! Let me know how the meeting goes tomorrow and don't forget to raise your hand, ask for someone to give you rides, and ask for a temporary sponsor, or maybe even an actual sponsor!
     

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