Recently lost my license for a DUI and I'm having a difficult time getting out to AA meetings because I live a long ways from any public transportation or meetings. I'm just at a point where one drink spells disaster for me. It doesn't make any sense to me. Black out drunk. It affects me very negatively mentally, much more so at 25 then when I was early 20's. Now a hangover lasts sometimes 4-5 days and I get heavily suicidal after a drinking binge. I'll sometimes have what amounts to a psychotic break or something after these binges, hearing and seeing things. Very scary and uncomfortable. I'm a bit confused with myself and my drinking cause on some occasions I can have one drink, two drinks, and be just fine. Negative mentality follows after any amount of drinking however. With my Dad for instance I can have a couple drinks and not go crazy, but when I'm out with friends I just don't stop drinking until I passout. It's sickening and very shameful for me to be this way. I never get a single thought of "that's enough man", "I shouldn't drink anymore". My entire world literally swarms around getting more booze inside of me when I get on these binges. Friends don't cut me off either which upsets me, but I understand they don't really have a lot of control. It has to be plain as day obvious that I have a pretty bad drinking problem to them though. I just hurt so bad after these binges, head doesn't work right.