cant live together until married

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ImDrunkAgain, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. ImDrunkAgain

    ImDrunkAgain Resident Mental Health Counselor

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    Okay, I just had a chat with my gf last night, and we are talking about marriage because we care for each other very much, and it does not seem like this relationship will end. The only thing is, she said that we cant live together until we are married, mostly because I plan on our wedding day being the summer after she graduates from college, plus her dad is very protective of her, so I dont think he would really want her to live with me without being married. She will be living in the dorms while in college, and I graduate from college in 2 years (this is my Soph. year) and then I will be going to graduate school. My plan was to attend a Grad. school in Cali, but now that I met her I have been looking at U. of Washington because they have a really good Psychology Grad. program. She will be attending WWU (western WA) and that will be a lot closer to her than where I am going to school now, so seeing eachother more often would be possible.
    I really plan on marrying this girl, because I think that she may be the one and I cant help but smile when Im around her or just even thinking about her. Should I be worried about anything? Anything wrong with this?
    Thanks
     
  2. Isolt78

    Isolt78 Guest

    Not at all...lots of people marry without living together first.
     
  3. ImDrunkAgain

    ImDrunkAgain Resident Mental Health Counselor

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    okay, ive never heard about this before... most the time I hear about them living together for awhile before getting married. Im not complaining because I will do anything for her, but I just thought it was weird at first because I had never heard about that
     
  4. Jenn

    Jenn New Member

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    Originally my fiance and I weren't going to live together before getting married. We just bought a house and construction will not be completed until October, which is when we were going to get married. We decided the stress of moving, having a wedding, and going on our honeymoon would be too much for that month so we have pushed the wedding back. Now we'll be living together for 6 months before the wedding.

    Lots of people do not live together before getting married. In my marriage and family class I took they said that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to not stay together unless they live together during the planning process of the marriage. I would not worry about it too much if I was you. If this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with then you have to go along with whatever living situation is possible for the two of you.
     
  5. Malkav

    Malkav New Member

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    My wife and I didn't live together before we were married. It really isn't that uncommon.
     
  6. ImDrunkAgain

    ImDrunkAgain Resident Mental Health Counselor

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    ok, thanks all. I was just wondering. :dunno:

    I actually kinda agree with not living together because of her father, but it would be cool to be able to live with her before we were married
     
  7. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Another reality apparently
    I dont know though, you find out a WHOLE LOT more about someone when you live with them. Heck I have gone on week long trips with someone, being with them 24-7 the whole time, but living with someone is still completely different.
     
  8. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    The only advice I have is things have the possibility of going sour, but most likely not.

    Some of my best friends are the coolest people in the world and it seems like I could hang out with them nonstop, but when I get the chance to spend a whole weekend there, you discover what things are really like.

    I know lots of friends that regretting picking certain dorm buddies because of the reason that they had no idea it would be so different after living with them. You learn a lot more about a person while living with them.

    I'm not saying this will mess up for you. You two obviously love each other and things seem really great. I'm just giving you a heads up that's all.

    Good luck mate!
     
  9. Vegasoutkast

    Vegasoutkast New Member

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    I was in a similar situation with my wife. We really wanted to live together after a 1 1/2yr of dating but her parents were very protective of her. I was actually the first boyfriend she had, the opposite of me so the strictness of her parents was hard to get use to. We were 18 when we met. She lived at home until we got married at 21 and the whole time she had a curfew - talk about frustrating. I too knew I was going to marry her soon after we met.

    So - we dated for 3yrs exactly before we got married and has only spent a hanful or so nights together. The only downside I can see is that - our 1st year of marriage was the hardest, main reason because we had to get use to all the little things that eerked eachother. SInce we went from only seeing eachother part-time to being with eachother 24hrs aday.

    But I have to takes on this - I think its a good idea to live with a person before you marry them because that is the best way to truly get to know them fully. But I also think that people give up to quick because they are not married and have no incentive to work through the troubles. Being married makes you put more effort into compramising and tolerating eachother idiosycrancies.
     
  10. ImDrunkAgain

    ImDrunkAgain Resident Mental Health Counselor

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    Thanks, that helps a lot. I prefer hearing from both sides, because it makes me realize how much I would do to keep her happy. Im not like most guys, I would give up just about all things that I presently do (drink, smoke weed, party, hang out with my friends and do all the above + poker). I would seriously give that all up to speed up our relationship 4 years so that we can get married.
    Am I wrong for feeling this way and saying that I would give that stuff up?
     
  11. Isolt78

    Isolt78 Guest

    Yes and no...on the one hand, it's cool that you do, on the other, if she asked you to, she would be proving by the very act of doing so that she's not worth it...sort of a Catch-22.
     
  12. D-Psypher

    D-Psypher SuckySucky = Teh Nguyen!

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    My Fianse' is living with her parents right now until we get married (April). We sold her house and she will move in when we get back from the honeuymoon.. all her shit is already here. It is tough, but worth it.
     
  13. Vegasoutkast

    Vegasoutkast New Member

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    You shouldnt have to give it up unless unless you feel its harming your progress in life or it is harming her in some way. I did alot of that but also realized my progress was being halted and thats when I confirmed my comittment to join the Air Force at age 20. I did it for HER (us) and it was the best decision I ever made for me and her. Keep in mind she never made me feel bad for what I did or pressured me in any way. Im sure if she had stressed me all the time about it I would probably not have stayed in the relationship. Even after we got married she didnt mind me going out with my friends to the club, to parties, etc. We were both young and both realized we needed our own lives seperate from eachother. It doesnt matter how much you love someone - if you are around them 24/7 your gonna get under eachothers skin.

    oh I forgot to mention - we will have been together 12yrs and married 9yrs in June. At this point in our relationship I have to say, we are the happiest. :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2005

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